9/26/2017

Only God knows how exhausted I feel.

It looks like I have the bad habit of suppressing everything and not raising a hand when I need help. No matter how swamped or tired I am, you’ll see me waddling through the mountainous load of academic and non-academic things. That’s how I roll since college, but I have noticed something different in the recent weeks.

I always have flashbacks of past memories whenever I am in the midst of doing something. Even at the time of penning this post, I am reminded of a particular moment in time when we were visiting a docked cruise ship - Star Cruises, if I’ve correctly remembered the name - in Port Klang before we had dinner at the local seafood restaurant on our way back. Our travel companion chose Coconut Tree Seafood Restaurant. I can even be finishing my assessment when I suddenly catch myself thinking about my time in Fremantle, where I almost lost my way in the University of Notre Dame campus.

I’m excited that my penultimate year is a done and dealt thing after that Corporate Law exam. I want - no, scratch that, I need - to put a challenging year, personally and academically, behind me and focus on the end goal. The sigh of relief at having another year to complete. The prospect of graduating with the elusive degree which has made me lost ⅓ of my body size and continuously left me on the edge of the cliff. Lost ⅓ of the my body size? Yes, you read that right. Some of my college friends were unable to recognize me when I caught up with them last year. For reasons that only God knows, the aura has been different. I don’t even know what it is that I want out of life. I feel like I’m losing base with my academic knowledge and skill. With my mind having taken a leave of its own absence, I can’t fully concentrate and have the desire of retreating into my shell. Not just the shell; it’s the deep dark abyss of it, where I’m comforted by the soothing effects of the silence and darkness.

Maybe, who knows, I’ll be able to find that mojo again after the summer break.