11/22/2020

It’s been such a long time since I sat behind the computer screen to blog about my musings . . . that I’m kind of lost on what to write, lol. Anyway, a couple of things have unexpectedly cropped up and summoned most of my energy. It also didn’t help that I grew selfish with whatever free time I had and just wanted to catch up on . . . me. Maybe it’s a subtle hint from my subconscious that I need to learn how to take a chill pill?

I have to, considering that my life’s about to take a 180 turn with intense chaos.

Things have been on such a roller coaster ride for the last year or so - especially with how the pandemic has thrown everyone’s plans around with its severity. I’m sure we’ve all been affected by it in various ways, be it travel plans being shelved or being unexpectedly laid off from a job position among other effects.

I’m now back at work in full swing after staying away for some time - together with a freelance position attached to it. Yup, you read that right. *sighs* In a matter of weeks, I’ll be juggling work with freelance and blogging. How I’m going to do that remains to be seen because work in itself will take up a large sum of my time on a weekly basis. Think of the future me as someone rocking up to work with bedraggled hair, sunken eyes and dark eye-bags while squinting at everything from sleep deprivation. Or me holding a takeaway cup of coffee from my favorite coffeehouse nearby. Too bad the nearest one would involve me walking at least ten minutes (one way) under the intense heat. Either way, the need for a mug of cappuccino with double shot of caffeine would definitely be desired soon.

Sad to say that there’ll be an off chance blogging will take a backseat if the balance between work, freelance, and blogging can’t be achieved. A lot of brain cells would have already been dedicated to my primary employment and side hustle, so the remainder might or might not be enough to plan and draft blog posts. We’ll have to see about it in due course. I’ve a tad bit of plans stacked up, such as resuming food reviews (albeit undercover at nearby cafes or ones that have been a favorite over the years) and penning more about my daily adventures and thoughts. But whether that can be achieved also remains to be seen.

Five Lies About Work You Believed Before Entering the Working World

Most, if not, all of us are currently in the workforce, be it as a fresh graduate or an experienced employee in the industry of our choice. No matter where we are at this juncture in our careers, I’m sure there were certain notions about work that we believed as a final year student or a fresh graduate that turned out to be a misconception or a downright lie. Here are five lies about work that I believed in as a result of my observations and opinions before entering the workforce.

Office Politics


Credits to All Things Talent for the image

The number one lie would be a harmonious working environment. As a student, I used to believe that all of the colleagues would collaborate together to achieve a common goal or complete a project while keeping the office alive and running. Outside of the working hours, the entire office would catch a round of drinks together and wind down together. As an employee, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was all a facade. Since each and every staff is a unique individual, there’d be a combination of characters working together, which could then lead to personality clashes and mutual dislikes. It could even give rise to office politics, creating a toxic working environment and unnecessary gossip. With that being said, I’m sure that we all had our incidents where we’ve heard unpleasant things about other colleagues and vice versa.

Colleagues Becoming Friends

While we’re on the subject of colleagues, another lie that I believed in was that colleagues are your friends. Funnily enough, I even believed that colleagues are somewhat close to a person’s second family, given that I’m working with them for at least eight hours a day, five days a week. There’s bound to be some socialization occurring one way or another, like employees heading off for lunch together. I’m not saying that colleagues will become acquaintances whom you’ll keep in touch with if either party resigns because there are rare exceptions to it. What I’m saying is that due to the nature of the work environment and workplace envy, it’s not common to see colleagues keeping in touch when someone leaves the company. Also, not all colleagues would want to be friends with each other when they are out of the office.

Existence of Work-Life Balance


Credits to General & Medical for the image

One of the lies that I vehemently believed is the existence of work-life balance. I know that a lot of companies and employees would vouch that they practice work-life balance and so on, but it’s always easier said than done. I myself was made to believe that the working hours are strictly reserved for work with the after hours and weekends being your downtime. And boy, was I wrong on this. I learnt the truth the minute I entered the workforce. A great significance of the work-life balance stems from how flexible the nature of your job is. Even my personal experiences have illustrated that there will be an overlap of your working hours and rest time. In addition to the dictated hours of 9 am to 6 pm at work, I’ve caught myself bringing the unfinished work home to complete at night and on the weekends, robbing myself of my well-deserved rest and time away from office work. I guess it took me being in the workforce to comprehend that the idea of a work-life balance is a shaky one.

Full Dedication to One’s Job

There’s no denying that everyone wants to be the best at their job, so when someone says that you have to spend every waking moment on work, you tend to believe it. I acknowledged it so much that I was incorporating it in the beginning stages of my working life, though it didn’t take long for me to realize something. The full dedication to one’s job didn’t have to require cutting back on my sleep or even staying back in the office late. Yes, my dedication was important, but it didn’t have to be at the forefront of my health. I was allowed to have some time out for myself and knock off work sharp.

Scope of Work


Credits to Inc for the image

Another lie that I believed was that you’re only required to complete the scope of work that’s laid down in the terms and conditions of your employment contract. I only realized that this wasn’t true after working for some time now. To be honest, I’d have much appreciated it if someone had forewarned me that this was a downright lie. At least I’ll know what to look out for. It’s not true that you’re only paid to do what you’ve signed up for or the hours that you’ve agreed to, if you’re a part-time employee or working in a casual position. There would be days when you’d be expected to do ad-hoc duties on top of the ones that you’re responsible for.

I hope the ones mentioned would be of great assistance to you when you’re about to enter the workforce as a fresh graduate. The lies that I have shared above are the ones that I believed during my days as a student and are by no means exhaustive. It might be different from the ones that you’re aware of, so please don’t fret as it differs from people to people.

11/15/2020

I dreamt of an office on the first floor. There was physical distancing being practiced - with only a handful of employees around. The remainder was working remotely. The office was not decorated much, but what stood out the most was the wooden furniture: there were long benches and swivel chairs, as if to encourage the said employees to wait at the workstation instead of their office cubicles.

The person who attended to me was a female manager. As it was close towards lunch time, she approached me and asked whether I was coping well so far before inviting me to join her and another two colleagues out for a meal. One thing led to another and we started to talk a bit about our personal lives while waiting for the said two individuals to complete their urgent errands. She revealed that she “had three kids at home and my boyfriend has been helpful to keep an eye out on them whenever I need to work overtime.”

She then brought me to lunch but thanks to the pandemic and CMCO, most of the eateries nearby were closed. After circling the area and seeking the assistance of Google, we eventually found our way to a restaurant operating within a block of flats. Located on the first floor, the exterior was decorated with Chinese items, giving off the aura to strangers that this was a cafe that specialized in Chinese cuisine.

Four Negotiation Skills Everyone Should Master

Negotiation skills are important to us, be it in our working environment or everyday life. We need to put these skills to use in our day-to-day activities, like returning a defective item that we have bought from a business owner, or formal dealings such as the drafting of legal contracts. To ensure that we have better relations around us and improve people’s first impressions of ourselves, we should master four negotiation skills consisting of communication, persuasion, planning, and cooperation. I’ll list down the importance of each one and how beneficial it is for us in our daily lives.


Photo by Unsplash

Communicating What You Want

It is a common knowledge that we require a high level of communication skills to secure a satisfactory job in a good office, but what hasn’t been emphasized is its presence in resolving disputes. This may even be a misunderstanding between yourself as a customer and the business owner. Let’s say that you are a dissatisfied customer who purchased a faulty product from a retailer and your attempts to settle the issue have been to no avail due to a wide array of reasons. By clearly expressing your ideas, it’ll prevent further unnecessary problems from distracting you from the outcome you desire.

A concise communication, in that sense, permits you and the business owner to pick up on each other’s nonverbal cues or vocal tones while being succinct on the problem. Yes, I understand that there would be barriers that may prevent this, such as language barriers and differing communication styles. In their article on negotiation, Indeed.com has suggested the use of translators and the adoption of a verbal or written confident tone as a way to circumvent the hurdles.

Persuading the Other Side

You won’t be wrong to believe that you are expected to enter into a roundtable negotiation with a fixed mindset about what you want at the end. You would also want an outcome that benefits yourself and vice versa for the other party, but this is not to say that a compromise can’t be reached. A great negotiator would emphasize on the value of persuading the parties to reach a mutually beneficial compromise instead. This art is one of the most important negotiation skills as it allows everyone to communicate their ideas and encourages those at the roundtable to support your points.



Photo by Unsplash

It is easier to comprehend this once you have an idea of how it works and chances are that you already do. You know how you are interested in purchasing something from a shop and the sales assistant would use various methods to persuade you that a particular item is better than the other, right? While persuasion in that sense is inapplicable to negotiation, it gives you a better idea on how it applies in our lives. It also gives way to the next skill, which is planning an outcome.

Planning an Outcome

No matter what the final decision of the negotiation is, it’d affect the parties involved, including yourself, with different effects. It may even have a ripple effect across the board as well. In their article, LinkedIn opines that “by explaining clearly to your stakeholders how you intend to reach the objectives set, you will gain their trust in letting you dictate the pace and schedule of the negotiations.” Someone who is great at negotiation would understand that planning for an outcome is just as important as communicating one’s ideas at a roundtable. What this means is that communication and planning would have to complement each other.

Planning for an outcome also includes considering the repercussions of the compromise on those in the negotiation while factoring any unforeseen circumstances that might occur as a result of someone’s failure to fully adhere to the terms. What this means is that you need to also formulate something that works well for everyone as a compromise instead of solely insisting for your outcome.

Cooperation Between Parties

The fourth and final negotiation skill is cooperation. As human beings, there would always be something encouraging us to desire for a certain favorable outcome from the get-go. It can range from anything from financial interests to something simple as returning a faulty product. To ensure that this is realized, all parties involved would have to work together with each other. And this is where the art of cooperation enters the picture.

As Beyond Intractability writes, when people cooperate with each other to arrive at a reciprocal deal, it creates an element of trust and understanding that both parties would want to maintain even when the negotiations end. In essence, the desire to increase, if not maintain, the level playing field between the parties involved while maintaining their objectives will serve as a stimulus to arrive at a similar outcome. Mastering this is also powerful due to its ability to recognize and ensure everyone’s individual interests in the final outcome.


Photo from Discover Magazine

It doesn’t necessarily matter whether you are a professional negotiator or someone who wants to learn the basic negotiation skills as a method of dispute resolution. The key is always to maintain the long-standing trust and relationship while ensuring that everyone leaves the negotiation, feeling like they contributed to the outcome. As long as you’re able to incorporate these four aforementioned negotiation skills, you should be able to handle disputes that may occur in your everyday life.

10/06/2020

10/03/2020

With work taking a backseat for a tad bit, it should’ve been a beneficial thing for me - since I’d been able to catch up on whatever that’s been left behind without the fear of bursting out into tears. Life in the pressure cooker is not fun at all, as what the fidgety child in me would whine about - even though she’s grown used to the hustle and bustle of it (inasmuch as she dislikes it). I understand that it’ll be worthwhile to pen an article about working in that sector, but those who’re about to make their entrance would definitely receive countless and valuable advice from their seniors active in that trade. Furthermore, I’m not sure whether I can even comment or draw lessons learned from my time, considering how much angst my brain has. 

There’s a fear of biased opinion spilled, you could say.

Like everyone else, I’ve my reasons for wanting to remain busy at all times. Put it this way: the busier I am, the better for me. At least my tendency to overthink is quashed and I’m off to sleep the moment my head hits the comfortable cotton pillow.

And now, my hands are itching to do something while my hesitant brain is pressured by the gaping hole in my wallet to cooperate with my limbs, if it makes any sense to you. I’m drafting this in the wee hours of the morning and being accompanied by classical covers of rock songs on top of rain, so me not being clear is understandable. I could only describe it as me wanting to fulfill a thousand and one dreams of this and that when I’m financially stable.

Oh well, maybe it’s an indication that I should force myself to return to that unfinished rom-com of mine.

I’ll have more of an update into my life - once my brain’s stable enough to write a proper post.

09/23/2020

Emotions and dreams

This is one of those nights where my subconscious took a divergent turn in the form of a peculiar dream.

I dreamt that I harbored the intention to quietly embark on a permanent vacation to escape the earthly misery. In preparation for my plans, I convinced my family to have lunch on their own and lied that I had urgent matters to attend to when I wanted to finish off the job. On the way to the chosen destination, I passed by a mall with pink paint and shrubs yet it was devoid of any visitors or shoppers alike. Just like my heart, it had the aura of an empty space.

Hours after I jumped into the open waters, there were passersby gathering at the spot where I was last seen. The police were also there to ensure that the crowd didn’t become rowdy or extremely inquisitive while SAR (search and rescue) scouted the area for any traces of me, be it with a breathing soul or not.

The camera then panned to a different scene where I was in the middle of a living room, surrounded by homo sapiens who felt like relatives. I was seated on the three seater couch and facing the television whereas they were scattered on the remaining seats. Although I could hear the chatter, I couldn’t see anything. My attempt damaged my vision and caused both of my eyes to be surgically removed due to the injury sustained, leaving only the eye sockets. People couldn’t look me in the eye and I had to lower my head all the time for the fear of scaring the lights out of them.   

The area was surrounded with white walls and a peaceful, light air attached to it. There was no element of worries at all. Someone emerged from behind the living room and overheard noises coming from outside, so I asked for a description. According to the same person, there were two bulky men with strong necks wanting to see me, so I immediately asked the individual to get a knife or something to defend all of us because the visitors meant harm.

Deciphering the dream could be a tad bit difficult due to the dark nature of it, but let’s give it a go.

The part where I wanted to throw myself off the cliffs and into the sea may signify “a dangerous or uncertain situation that you are choosing to confront all at once. Choosing to face a problem , “get your hands dirty”, or take a big chance. Making the choice to get involved with something unpleasant. To dream of jumping off something may reflect your desperation to avoid something. Suicidal desperation or desperation to get out of a situation. You may be uncomfortable in a situation and need to plan a better way out.” *sighs* I wonder if this is indicative to what I’m enduring in my personal life. I won’t describe it as precarious per se, but definitely complicated and challenging to such a point where I want to throw the towel and hide in a dark corner away from prying and concerned eyes.

Credits to Arrow photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com and Designed by Freepik for the image 

Me dreaming about that empty shopping mall is a reflection of my reserved attitude. Dream About Meaning.com elaborates more about it: “There is some emotional issue that you need to deal with instead of letting it clog up within you. You may not be seeing things the way they really are. This is sadly an admonition for some nagging or annoying issue. You are having problems communicating your feelings and thoughts to others.” Bam, I’m getting the sense that my subconscious is pushing me to care more for my emotions instead of falling back on the default of suppression and to approach my personal life from another point of view to get my message across.

The living room with the white walls “represents feelings about yourself having to be perfectly honest in your life. A room with white walls may also reflect life situations where you are confronting a lot of negatively. A theme to your life that revolves around fixing problems you never got to fix before. Feeling that your entire life revolves around witnessing other people revealing their dishonest intentions to you over and over. A fear of not being perfectly honest at all times.” Because I’ve been burnt by people’s selfish behaviors repeatedly, I’ve learnt to keep myself at a distance with a bubble so that I won’t be hurt again. Yet this comes at a price. By me not being close to anyone, no one truly knows the inner workings of my mind and my truest emotions… plus my vulnerability could be used against me if the other party wants to see me crumble into pieces.

Me having empty eye sockets in the dream would be the part that resonates well with my life. AuntyFlo.com opines that it is illustrative of my dissatisfaction and my fear of trust, especially when there’s someone trustworthy in my life. If you ask me, it’s ironic that the dream is a reflection of my lack of trust. Due to what I’ve experienced over the years, I rarely have my full trust in anyone, especially when the last I trusted someone, things went south… and while I understood why things happened the way it did, I still felt a tad bit betrayed.

09/10/2020

09/09/2020

Something I'll never forget

Writing this from a third person would definitely be of great assistance as it allows me to completely detach myself from the contents of today’s post. You’ll comprehend why at the end of the post.

Before I continue, I need to warn you, my dear readers, that there are trigger warnings of suicide and trauma. If it’ll make you queasy or set off traumatic reminiscences, please, please, please don’t read what I’m about to write.



















(scroll down a tad bit more)











































Something happened in the course of her studies and she had totally forgotten about it until he stumbled upon the YouTube videos on mental health while sliding down the rabbit hole of research for an unrelated topic.

What surprises her to this day is her reaction towards it. She had expected herself to respond in a more emotional way - like panic or even tears - due to the cold hand on the base of her spine. She didn’t break down in panic, but her face was bleached with such fear and pallor that her hands started to shake.

There were lingering aftereffects. She was surrounded by that cold, eerie feeling for the rest of the night, she whispered in the air as she begged for peace and to be left alone, and she barely slept without having the nightlight switched on until the next morning. She was even scared of falling asleep for the fear of nightmares. But she didn’t have much time to deal with it because of what she prioritized at that moment.

Her exam papers.

Yes, after years of skirting around the topic, she’s willing to spill a tad bit more, considering the length of time. Since it’s been many years now, you’ll need to exercise a great amount of effort to gain access to it even with the right keywords.

*takes a gulp of her cappuccino that’s now turned cold*

She was supposed to be revising for one of her papers, but had to sort out some important matters beforehand. It was in the midst of her call that she heard something landing on the ground outside with a thud, but paid no attention to it. She figured that it was a dislodged block of cement that fell. She only suspected something amiss when she spotted security guards on their handheld transceivers (read: walkie-talkie) at the road opposite her place. The fear-induced trauma swimming in that pedestrian’s eyes finally piqued her curiosity, and so, she went to take a peek.

Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach when she saw what she saw. It would now remain as a faint memory in her mind: a long-legged person in black - from head to toe - motionless on the roof. The sweatshirt’s hood obscured the person’s head. It was in this moment that her mind connected the two and two together. The sound that she heard while being on the phone was not the brick smashing, but rather the impact of a person plummeting on a hard surface.

Being close yet far from it assisted with the level of exposure in some ways, she’d say. The aftermath would’ve been greater on her emotions and mental well-being. And she’d have trouble focusing on her final paper as it was scheduled the day after that. Her acquaintances knew nothing of what she experienced. To them, she merely wore the look of someone stressed. Her sister, on the other hand, knew what transpired and kept an eye on her while she was careful enough not to trigger anything.



































Had I shared it in first person, it’d bring my mind back to that fateful day and possibly break the gates of sorrows again. I didn’t cry per se, but I sort of understood the person’s decision to end his pain in this fashion. It taught me a couple of things about the extent of our willingness to end our pain: once you’re deep in that dark place, you crave for death to kill the sufferings because you’ve lost all of the hope that life brings in its presence. Not everyone’s vocal about their feelings because society just doesn’t encourage us much on this. When we speak up about our feelings, the default response is to “suck it up” or “don’t feel this way”. It’s dangerously easy to fall through the cracks.

One dark move and that’s it.

That’s one part of the explanation. The other is that I’ll end up oversharing about my fragile emotional state of mind as a result of the trauma that I went through. Put it this way, it's enough to change my understanding of 1) how life works and 2) how people behave. It's too personal for me to share on such a public platform, so I'll leave it at that. 

08/26/2020

Heartfelt Thoughts

So, I guess we’re back to square one.

Or a crossroad, shall I say.

Now that I have much more time on my hands to muck around with, I’ve been reflecting on the decisions that led me to the person that I am today. Deep thoughts are known to result in a headache and derailed emotions for me, which is why I rarely engage in them unless I have to. Yet I see a pattern emerging: whenever I’m downhearted, I’ll push all of my friends away while I hide in a dark abyss where no one can reach me - all while maintaining a neutral expression in reality. Even my text messages would not reveal the slightest inch of my emotions. It’d take those who know me through and through to reach out when I’m not myself instead. It’s just part of who I am. I’ve never been one to speak of my truest feelings unless encouraged by someone close. Whenever I’m elated, I’m hyper to such a stage where I can jump from wall to wall - figuratively. You can tell from my nonverbal cues too.



Being the girl that sat on the stone brick wall fencing in Glenelg, it was one of the rarest moments in which my eyes betrayed my innermost sentiments. My thoughts ran like wildfire just as my sister caught a candid photo of me. My lips curved upwards but my organ of vision portrayed something else: something close to severe exhaustion.

“Fed up of life” was what she described in the days after that.

The picture is still with me, buried somewhere in the photo vault. And years later, that look has turned me into a sleep deprived bear who stayed awake for centuries and earned me a rather entertaining nickname

I’ll be reaching yet another milestone in a couple more months and truth be told, I’m not sure how to feel about it. All of the dreams that I had envisioned for myself have been derailed by unforeseen circumstances to such a stage where I compiled it, squashed it into an unmarked wooden box and threw it into the open seas (read: the Malacca Straits) before hiding the keys in a different location. The reason being that holding on to it would repeatedly break my heart and remind me of something that I’ll never have, even though my brother has offered to realize it in exchange of seeing me smile like a kid with candy again. In short, I’ve lost faith. Too many things have happened over the years that I lack the courage to hope for the fear of deep disappointment. Trust me, the disappointment will tear straight into my heart and leave me feeling as if there’s a weighted invisible cloak enveloping me.

“I’m drained,” was what I told my brother in the months after that.



You could say that what I experienced caused me to make drastic decisions to protect my emotional well-being from further harm. Yet you’ll never see this unless you’re lucky enough to be close to me. I’m not someone who easily lowers her guard unless I’m sure you have genuine intentions.

Maybe it’s for the best that I be like a sensitive oyster closing its shell upon detection of noise pollution. Maybe I won’t have to continuously see the dark side of people anymore.

Piccoli Lotti Artisanal Gelato in SS 18, Subang Jaya

With the events of the past fortnight a faint distance in my mind, I slowly trained myself to brace for a new normal. My calm acceptance of the consequences might have been a result of me expecting it weeks, if not months in advance. It’s not like throwing fits about it would change anything either.

It’s been a while - at least two years and counting - since I last delved in the realm of food reviews, making this my slow and tardy return to a once-familiar topic. Blame the delay on life’s responsibilities of studies and career.

After procrastinating for weeks to sample the lovely dishes of the new kid of the block (Piccoli Lotti Artisanal Gelato Subang Jaya), I was driven towards there as a result of what you can call an emotionally testy week. You could also say that seeing a chum tasting it compelled me to give it a try too. I sprinted there after dinner at Mama Carrie’s favourite haunt, hoping that the dessert place was devoid of crowds considering that it was a weeknight. A quick peek into the glass windows revealed everything: there were built-in furnitures towards the front of the cafe and a stand-alone table with roughly six chairs towards the back followed by a compact outdoor dining area for those who wanted Instagram-worthy pictures of the decorations heightened by a twinge of serenity.

Standing guard at the door was a table with a book spread open to the last page, bearing details of visitors of the day who opted not to check-in with the QR codes of MySejahtera & SELangkah and an employee ever-ready to scan your body temperature with the infrared thermometer. Throwing consideration to the fragile and uncertain times that we are now in, it’s pertinent that you record your entrance through the portal of MySejahtera or SELangkah. If you so wish, you could always pen your name, contact details, and your temperature in the log book provided.

Being the only customers for the moment proved beneficial as it granted us the luxury to choose our seating arrangements. Once that was determined, I dumped my bag on the chair to exert sole possession of the table while protecting it from other diners who might arrive for desserts while I was away. I moved towards the cashier and the industrial fridge not too far to survey the choices of gelato that Piccoli Lotti offered.

But one flavour caught my attention the moment I laid my eyes on it: Genmaicha.

And so that was what I ordered: “a single scoop of Genmaicha, please.”

A single scoop of Genmaicha

Translated as toasted brown rice green tea, it’s part of the green tea family but distantly related to the more commonly known matcha. One packs a nutty punch and leaves a pungent aftertaste whereas the other carries a slightly bitter kick to the palate. I was a tad bit apprehensive with my selection because genmaicha was something that I always took as a drink in our family, not part of a dish and that was rare in itself.

The first bite reeled me in like a fish to a hook. It tickled my taste buds, leaving a bitter but not overly bitter aftertaste with slight traces of saccharine swimming, and tempted me to reach out for a second scoop to satisfy the sweet tooth. Factoring both my pancreas and liver, I promised myself that I’ll return for another time to sample a differing flavour and possibly compliment with a round of favourite caffeine.

Location of the shop is as follows:

The exterior of the dessert place 

Piccoli Lotti Artisanal Gelato, 

No. 9, Jalan SS 18/1B, 

47500 Subang Jaya, 

Selangor

Searching for the shop wouldn’t be an arduous task as it fronts the SS17 police station and the fire station on top of the Petronas gas station. The cafe also shares the same street as La Juiceria and Foxhole Bakery.

A passerby watching the crowd

Grey clouds surround her, 

Blinding her outlook on life, 

Shattering her impression of love, 

And tearing her understanding of friendship.

Frozen in the middle of the wide street, 

With streams of people treading past her, 

Never once taking heed of her presence, 

Treating her as invisible.

Her heart weighed by life’s stressors, 

Closes up to those around her, 

Protecting her emotions, 

Sealing her feelings in a vacuum.

Her legs are heavier than bricks. 

With each breath, 

She summons the strength to face her path, 

And the demons that stand before her.

Her eyes are devoid of glimmer, 

Dimmed by the pain she now suppresses, 

With the anguish she suffers alone, 

Away from her support system.

Her face is fixed in stoicism. 

The color of ash paints her skin pallor, 

Draining her of a soul’s comfort 

And lacking radiance.

Exchanges of emotions

And so, the carpet was pulled from beneath my feet and knocked me off-balance. I don’t have much cushion on my back, so landing with all of my weight on it can be a tad bit painful. But I’ll be fine. Just let me hug my knees closer to my chest and enjoy a moment’s worth of silence while I’m here.

*rests my exhausted head on my knees*

A hideout away from those prying eyes

A part of me wasn’t surprised that it ended this way. There were indications of it months before the news was broken. Even weeks beforehand. Maybe it’s for the best that it turned out this way. Being exposed to countless stress amplified by the aftereffects of the virus lingering in the background had done its part of sending me in circles. What was frozen is now melted at a faster rate where there isn’t much time to work with.

No matter how affected I am, there’s a stronger sense of acceptance and peace rather than annoyance at it. You could say that it’s because I expected it to happen. You could also say that there’s relief on my part, which is true. The news came as a sudden to everyone that a couple of them have asked whether i’m okay and how i’m coming to terms with it. The truth is, it won’t alter the outcome even if I were to throw a ton’s worth of fuss. It’s all part and parcel of life, where there are lessons at every curve for us to learn and hopefully implement in the next stage.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset or anything like that.

How could I be when I have anticipated it?

It’s resulted in something unexpected, though: my tendency to further keep a distance from everyone around me. Before all this mess, I’ve already stayed an arm’s length away to avoid being reminded of what I’ve dropped to become who I am today and of what could have been if certain things didn’t screw me over. My good friend and sister have no inkling about this because of the geographical distance between us. And this is the one part that still pains me whenever I catch myself thinking about it. My brain still remembers the look in their eyes on the eve of my flight - and it’s not what I’d want to see again: hearts were broken with tears being shed. The fire of happiness being extinguished by the dark. (So much so that I cried my eyes out while at the boarding gate until I wore the look of someone restless. In front of others, I’ve the aura of a strong girl who’s never allowed anything to break my resolve. To those who know me well enough to read me through and through, they see another side of me that I’ve kept relatively hidden from public view.) 

At least I’m able to take a chill pill and allow my emotions to recover from all of the beatings while smelling the fresh air. I’ve ignored my innermost wellbeing to cope with the stressors for the past year, so now would be the best time for me to tend to it before it worsens.

Peppers of emotions

After close to six months of having the lines blurred and the scales unevenly balanced, the consequences are there for me to silently endure. Working overtime continuously has injured the soul in more ways than one: the tendency to self-isolate as well as zone out mentally has presented itself even in my personal life, which isn’t good. It means that I’m unable to separate the office me and the private me from each other. Just because my facial expressions are still the same, it’s harder for me to respond to people and maintain my concentration. I’m aware that I need to air my opinions since no one is a mind reader, but I won’t do so in an unencouraging situation because I’ll receive a rude remark for the umpteenth time as a reply. Sure, the feeling of living in a pressure cooker is still around, if not worse than before. 

Being referred to as “childish” and “blur” complicates things even further. Now, you may wonder who’d call me as such. While I never took offence at whatever has been said about it, hearing it within earshot serves nothing but annoy the lights out of me. I’d much appreciate it if it’s being said directly to me. At least there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings brewing in the pot. I wouldn’t reveal much on a public sphere but those closer towards me have been privately informed about this. 

Everything has been thrown out of whack, if I’m being candor with myself. What’s made worse is the strong tension and a poisoned aura. I could be left to my own devices, slowly waddling through the delayed paperwork when an anxiety-like attack decides to happen. My limbs are weighted that walking or moving my hands require a great deal of effort. My throat goes dry and I’ll shiver in a warm environment. That’s problem number one. Problem number two stems from the stagnancy in my own life. There isn’t much growth to spur/encourage me to fight harder to obtain what I want… and all I see are setbacks instead. 

And yet I dreamt of a good friend. He was walking up a flight of stairs with his pal whereas me and Mama Carrie were walking down the same steps. He saw her first and said hello to her, but she couldn’t recognize him and didn’t return the greetings. He pouted at the shock until I said hello, which delighted him. His eyes shone even the darkest path when he heard my voice. The dream has a double-edged sword to it because on one hand, my subconscious has sent him to sort of comfort me away, but on the other hand, my emotions have been so impacted from my troubled waking life that I’m having negative thoughts all over again.

Or maybe I'm so confused that I can't comprehend what's going on. 

07/29/2020

07/26/2020

Exhaustion hangs in the air like a dark cloud,
Weighing down on everyone’s happiness,
Spraying a touch of sadness
In the heart of those affected.

Smiles are drawn on their faces,
Yet their eyes betray their thoughts.
Petrification leaves them stoic,
Unable to grasp reality in acceptance.

Their shoulders are slumped,
With eyes trained on the ground,
And never once holding their heads high,
Unlike who they once were.

Buried deep in their tickers
Are longingness for the past,
Where they were as carefree as birds,
Instead of being drowned by worries.

Hidden in their misery
Are their lost dreams and happiness.
Suffocated under the trials of life,
They no longer feel appreciated.

Insanity and stressors.

Am I losing my insanity?

The workload has severely piled up yet I’m barely able to pull my weight, especially when I’m unable to have a proper lunch break. Spend an hour refueling and I blow an extra hour of clearing files. Spend an extra hour of clearing files and I waste the opportunity to refuel my energy levels, rendering me weak and on the verge of losing consciousness. A fainting spell, so to speak.

It doesn’t matter which option I choose - because at the end of the day, work will never be completed. There would be one or two files being abandoned unless I camp in the office until the next morning. Trust me when I say that I’ll be questioned as to why there are incomplete paperwork loitering around. It no longer matters whether I’m going against my better judgment to push my exhausted brain even further, especially when the tank’s running on empty (as insinuated in the previous post). I highly doubt that anyone appreciates it anyway. Maybe the consequences of this would be me collapsing... from carrying the silent weight on my shoulders. I shouldn’t be surprised that the muscles running from my neck to my shoulders are tensed all the time.

Jobs are easily replaced by someone else if the current employee resigns, is fired, or worse, admitted to hospital for a nervous breakdown. So, what’s the point of playing with fire when I’ll be badly burnt?

Cappuccino & Chicago Cheesecake at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf 

I’m also aware that if I don’t eat much, there will be fainting episodes and I’ll have light sensitivity. It happened last week - I barely had the time to have lunch since I was on the go for most of the day, which resulted in me going off. Even if it means hugging my stomach with one arm, I’ll bite on my lips to silently deal with the hunger and stomach ache. Now that I’m already pulling overtime hours in the office and at home (close to a daily basis), I’m unsure whether it’s worth it to forego an hour’s lunch break to carve an extra sixty minutes for work. We’re all expected to finish everything by the end of business hours, but we’re not octopuses with eight legs or a machine to start with.

As if work stress isn’t enough to drain me, I have continuous stress from my personal life that threatens to leak into my work life. I can’t work like a robot while making daily success a living reality when I’m barely in the zone. I’m being constrained left, right and centre in work and in life but have chosen the route of suppression since, again, I feel that no one will understand the predicament that I’m in. We all have our own stress to settle, so what makes mine more special or worse than the others?

The odd one out of the background

Did I also mention that I’m now susceptible to workplace tears? That’s not to say that I’m a crybaby, but tears are the only form of expression when I’m living in a pressure cooker. There’s no way around it unless people are prepared to see me lash out at the slightest error. The toxic environment is draining my resolve to persist. Something’s not right; it’s more like i want to self-isolate and push everyone away in an attempt to protect them from my emotional outbursts; it’s one thing that i snap but it’s another thing if i accidentally hurt my friends’ hearts.

And it happened twice. Once was when I couldn’t take the onslaught of stress that I screamed at those around me and rushed to the toilet, allowing the tears to silently roll down my cheeks. The other time was during lunch hour when I zoned out, hoping to buy myself some peace at a hectic time. The more I embraced my emotions, the more I wanted to cry on the spot. The dam of tears threatened to break and cause spillage everywhere, which would have been awkward and questioned.

At the rate I’m going, the melancholic gleam swimming in my eyes is enough to betray my truest thoughts, especially to those who are able to read my body language and through my mask.

Should I just keep everyone at an arm’s distance to protect myself?

07/21/2020

Struggling to stay afloat

Maybe my worst fear is being realized.

Maybe I’m losing my mind indeed.

Drowning in workplace exhaustion on top of the stressors in personal life is enough to send anyone closer towards the edge of the cliff. Apathy’s being added into the mixture, rendering me unable to gain satisfaction from my job. What greets me each morning at the workplace is a heavy heart laced with anxiety. My glassy eyes are trained to avoid contact and I’m zoning out with pressured speech.

No one appreciates the mental state that I am in - even if the signs are there because I don’t want to create a scene or pity for myself. I only crave for a tad bit of understanding that I’m incapable of doing two entire departments’ workload with such a limited time.



What I’m receiving in exchange are admonishments and nothing but that - which will be a precursor to other matters in the pressure cooker too. I can’t do a million things concurrently because I’m not an octopus with eight legs when I’m silently dealing with other issues on my mind. Why doesn’t that surprise me? I mean, I’ve holed myself up in the office and cried silent tears, convincing myself to hold it back until I’m safe on my own. Water has been my pal as of late; it’s helped me to mask any traces of red, swollen eyes. My tank’s running on empty yet I’m pushing myself to persist and continue. Hands are out to strangle the life out of me and push me to the brink of a breakdown. This is something that no one is aware of as there’s no point even voicing it out to the relevant parties. Their conduct is enough to persuade me of this.

The symptoms of a burnout are there, I can feel it. Whether it’s obvious to those around me is another question, though. Emotional exhaustion has repeatedly made its presence known with me leaning more towards chronic stress. I no longer gain any form of satisfaction - I just do what is required of me and even that hasn’t gone too well. I’ve been thrown awake from my sleep repeatedly by work-related worries. I’m shaking with fear - safely holding a pen is a challenge. I can’t breathe, as if something’s weighing my heart like a boulder deep in the ocean. My mental health needs some downtime to recuperate from all of the external tortures that I’ve been dealing with on my own.

I’ll be candor on something: it’s still a miracle that I haven’t rocked up to the nearest bar and drank my emotions before hugging the toilet bowl and throwing up with a hangover hours later. Ever since I made that decision, my world was turned upside down. I was forewarned about the effects therefore I shouldn’t be shocked. What I’m horrified about is its pace. It’s too soon for the outcome to endure the repercussions. In less than a decade, the happy-go-lucky me transitioned into someone suspicious of the world ahead of her to a lady who’s suppressing her anguish despite barely holding on. I’m at a stage where I’m apathetic and reticence accompanying me instead. Even the slightest rebuke is enough to incite negative thoughts in me. Even the slightest error in word choice is enough to assure me that everyone dislikes me. And maybe even hates me. There’s no denying that it’ll lead me to isolate myself in a dark abyss where I block anyone from reaching out to me. And this is what my best friend fears. We both know what I’m capable of when this happens . . . and it’d be tardy to resolve it.

Spotted in the Popular Bookstore's IPC branch

Taking the time out during the lunch hour to comfort myself with a bowl of mee sua chicken and a mug of hot green tea did little to soothe my desolation. It only cemented the fact that I might not be as stable as I once thought I was. A part of me’s aware that I need to get away from everything that’s bothering me momentarily to regain momentum, but circumstances aren’t permitting me to do so. I’m caught between polar opposites of what’s best for myself. On one hand, if I tender my resignation at this time, it’ll probably give my mental health a well-deserved break. On the other hand, if I do so, there’ll be financial difficulties on my part - seeing that we’re in shaky economic waters at the moment.

Maybe I’m really losing myself bit by bit.

Maybe it’s an indication that I should follow suit with my plans - even if it'll cause hearts to shatter into million pieces.

Suffocating in ten feet of work

And so it happened. Not only am I losing my best friend emotionally, my own emotions are thrown out of whack. I’m finding myself hiding in the toilet, breaking down out of stress, the constant aura of not being able to blend in, and forgetting things. Even though I’m only one with a pair of hands, I’ve been handed paperwork that can be stretched into six paws. I’ll either need to summon the assistance of an octopus to multitask or neko no te mo karitai. My performance is also declining as a result. Yet no one comprehends the height of stress I silently endure at the workplace. My tongue is sharp and I’m failing more often in biting back my words, being more susceptible to lashing out at those around me. Atama ni kuru. My heart is drained, but I feign normalcy so as to avoid questions or comments that are uncalled for. I’m not surprised; I’m working overtime at least four days in a row and nursing a headache in the office, choosing to ride it out or relying on Panadol to help manage when the pain becomes unbearable.



And so it happened - me harboring the desire to isolate. Me wanting to be left alone, away from everyone. Me barking at the smallest thing. The tension - along with the paperwork - is building up on each other to the point where I’m on the verge of exploding at myself over the slightest mistake (and possibly hurting myself). Nandayo, my memory has taken a beating to the point where I’m a fish struggling to stay afloat and not remembering what I need to do. Trust me, it’ll be a matter of time before I throw in the towel and let myself drown under the workload, triggering a wave of apathy and possibly taking things too far. Ii kagen ni shite.

And so it happened - me longing to have that quiet hour to myself at the nearby cafe. Screw it, even my lunch break is spent on work. I need some sort of normalcy instead of staring at the computer screen for nine straight hours. Breathing the same air for hours on end doesn’t do any benefit; it instead causes more avoidable harm to the psyche and body. I’d love to be selfish on weekends where I can have some me-time at a coffeehouse situated in a neutral area, smelling the comforting aroma of caffeine. I can only dream about this. I’m instead staring at the growing number of uncompleted files or begrudgingly returning to the office, meaning that I’m not having any life whatsoever.



I’m aware that I’m pushing everyone away and adopting the gaze of someone snappy, but I can only do what’s best for myself. And my mental health. I’m sure what I’m experiencing is a symptom of something more sinister, but it’s not like anyone will comprehend it anyway. Everyone is of the impression that I’m a Wonder Woman who magically waves her wand and all of my work is settled as a result.

07/05/2020

Spending more hours on work has officially taken its toll on me. I’m overly sensitive with everything around me and under-rested. Not only am I easily irritable, I take offence at every. single. thing. There’s only so much that I can handle at one go and within the specified time frame - and whoever’s expectant that I can pepper my magic on its speedy completion would be gravely disappointed to know that sorry, no can do. I’m only one with a pair of hands. I’m not an octopus who’s able to multitask with eight legs.

Don’t remind me of my emotions about spending the weekend in the office either - that has the full capacity of making me explode into expletives like an active volcano (and I’d like to avoid that at all costs).

I’m someone who believes that work and life should be separated with clear boundaries around it. With the way things are happening now, the boundaries are blurred to the point where I feel like I have no life whatsoever: spend x number of hours in the workplace and another y number of time completing those unfinished paperwork at home before the begrudging return on the weekends to shake a leg on errands (as if we’re all stoic robots who don’t need some time out to recharge). It’s working, though; it’s shaped me into an emotionless yet frustrated homo sapien who suffers from Sunday blues. Maybe I’ll have to bottle up my feelings towards everything - like I once did - in exchange for the ability to feign ignorance. And maybe that’ll prevent me from snapping at even the littlest thing or breaking down in exhaustion.

Back in those ancient days, trips to the malls and away from the workplace/campus were able to melt the work stress, not only because of the temptation to shop until I drop but more like I’m able to chill with a cup of coffee and zone out. Yet this method no longer works on me. The more time I spend in coffeehouses, the more uptight I feel.

A part of me wishes for a different situation where I’m able to finally grasp some whiff of happiness and relaxation - and possibly in the arms of someone trustworthy where I feel at home and safe. But I’m a practical child. I’m aware that all of these aren’t doable in real life. Things happen for a reason and what that reason is, we won’t know.

We found ourselves off-track somewhere in the middle of the little city centre, trying to search for a way out of the place yet being lost made me comfortable. I could momentarily forget about everything bothering me, like I didn’t want to face the tribulations of the world.

It could be an illustration of how I’ve lost the power to relax.

The Triggers

Buried beneath the multiple layers of protection
Lies a weak, heartbroken soul.
No longer trusting the angelic world ahead of her,
She wears a mask suppressing her sadness.

With each waking moment,
Curved lips are plastered on her face,
Persuading those around her of normalcy
Yet her heart drips blood in its wake.

Her eyes betray her expressionless features.
A pair of optic nerves,
Lost in its own world of worries
And devoid of genuine happiness.

Moving in a state of confusion,
The brunt of her blurriness weigh her shoulders down.
She speaks nothing of it,
But she trembles over the spoken words.

Memories of failure hammer at her persistence,
Draining the little remainders of her.
Her brain fights a battle of the past and present,
Further weakening her pressured state.

She pretends that it no longer affects her,
But it sticks out like a rose among thorns to eagle eyes.
Only those able to see through her facade
Know the fear and melancholy swimming in her veins.

06/28/2020

Could this be workplace exhaustion that I’m feeling?



The Sunday blues. Splitting headaches in the office that ruin my mood. The pent-up emotions. The desire to be left alone with my paperwork. The tendency to snap even when the smallest thing doesn’t go to plan. The overall frustration at my inability to complete duties. A part of me suspects that it might be workplace exhaustion since those behavior’s out of the ordinary whereas the other part of me is dismissive of it, chalking it up to projection of disappointments in my personal life.

If the latter is true, I’m not a tad bit surprised about it. Given the choice, I want to maintain an arm’s worth of distance from everything and everything around me. It’s arduous to feign normalcy when I feel like crap and look like it too. I’m of the belief that we’re better off alone to prevent hearts from being shattered into pieces or downright crestfallen - both of which I’ve continuously experienced over the years. You could even say that I’m used to being disheartened. There are also days when I’m physically present but emotionally and mentally absent from the conversation. I won’t let what’s bothering me leak out onto my face or spill into my sentences no matter how much I shouldn’t hide it and fight it off on my own. I personally believe that I shouldn’t burden family and friends with my negative thoughts. It’s not like they can magically solve all of it for me. You’re more than welcome to disagree with me on this since we all have our individual experiences in life. Some may be beautiful. Others may be traumatic to the point where suppression is the only way to move forward.

A weighted heart and heavy limbs greet me each morning, leaving me with a cloud of being beat and dead. I’m harboring the temptation of leaving everything on the backburner while I recalibrate in search of life’s purpose and importance since I don’t even know what’s what anymore. On top of that, I’d love to hibernate in bed for days on end if I could, but responsibilities pressure me to face the world with a pretense of normality. It’s something that we all have to experience being a working member of society one way or another. What matters most is how we approach and deal with it.



*sighs*

I guess it is what it is. Maybe things will change for the better once I proceed with that decision of mine.

06/23/2020

A Little Update from Me

Now that we’re at the halfway mark, things have taken a divergent turn. It’s been a chaotic time since the pandemic made its presence known and caused precarious aftereffects, where jobs have been threatened or unfortunately slashed to save operational costs. What’s worse is that there’s no knowing as to when the tide will be smoother for everyone to return to normalcy, but one thing’s for sure.

Since things will never return to the good old days, we’ll have to embrace the new norm and be accustomed to having our temperatures and presence in businesses recorded.

It’s glaringly obvious that I need to emotionally withdraw from those around me and have some alone time. I’m bone-tired from juggling work with the matters in my personal life. Weekends aren’t exempted either; there are times when I have to dedicate additional hours to complete the paperworks in the serenity of my residence to avoid the sensation of being caved in. My concentration is messed up to such a stage that it’s slightly affected my work performance. I’ve missed the items that needed amendment to the point where my supervisor’s annoyed with me. It’s not verbally expressed, but I’ve picked up on the signals. Body language will never lie. I’ve also spilt water on the tiled floor in my state of daze with the amount of liquid warranting the use of a floor towel to clean up the mess. Yes, I’m aware that we all have our own issues to deal with behind closed doors. That’s why you don’t see me penning much about it on the blogosphere.

Yet the circumstances wouldn’t permit me to take a chill pill. Work is forever on my mind, even on those days when I’m away from the workplace. Maybe that’s my worst fear: turning into a workaholic and not resting enough. *shrugs* I’m being overwhelmed by things, but to hell am I showing it. It’s one thing to have my emotions splashed on my face. It’s another thing to let anyone see the vulnerable part of me and me hiding with tears welling up in my eyes out of frustration. It’s not a matter of egoism; it’s more of preventing anyone from exploiting my vulnerability to their advantage.

Something in me has weighed me down and I’m in a dilemma on how I should settle it. Both sets of decisions have their pros and cons. A part of me craves for what the heart wants the most whereas the other side of me is heading for what’s best for everyone involved.

It also doesn’t help that dreams have started to haunt me at night, but I take comfort in the knowledge that I can’t remember the full details of it. It’s all a blended mixture of different pieces. Except for one, which was saying goodbye to a curly-haired child of about a teenager at the bus station in the dream. I can recollect with sheer clarity that there were lanterns outside the doors as we walked towards the bus station to send me off to an unknown destination. The child’s facial features weren’t revealed in the dream, but my subconscious has its suspicions because I know someone in real life who might fit that facial description.

Forcing those pent-up exhaustion aside, we made the drive to Ikea and braved the long lines to run delayed errands there and at the neighboring grocery store. The aura was unlike what I was used to, especially when seeing people lining up is a rarity. Weariness stopped me from continuing the rest of the expedition. I mean, dragging bags of goodies from one section of the mall all the way to the parking bays ain’t fun due to its combined weight and the fatigue from spending half a day in the office. The comforting part of the trip would be sinking my face in a tub of delicious vanilla ice-cream from London. It’d be a waste to devour it in one sitting, so it’s comfortably sitting in the freezer, waiting for me to slowly savor its taste.

06/13/2020

06/11/2020

Things to Consider Before Getting A Pet

It’s a lovely idea that you’re thinking of having a pet as there are emotional, mental, and physical benefits for yourself. However, you need to ask yourself whether you’re ready to welcome a pet into your life and your family. It’s a life-changing decision, not just because you have an additional family member to care for but more because it’s a lifetime commitment. With that being said, I’ll share the tips and lessons that I’ve learned in my years of having a dog.


Credit to The Malaysian Times for the image

Financial Stability

One of the most pertinent questions that you have to ask yourself is this: are you financially stable to support a pet, especially when it is ill? Although you’re able to roughly calculate the amount that you need to spend on pet food, it is hard to gauge how much you’ll need to spend on medical expenses for a handful of reasons. One of which is the length of treatment and duration of recovery if your pet has a serious medical condition. The other is the costs of yearly vaccination.

If you’re confident that you’ve enough money to do so without driving yourself into debt, you’ll need to think of the next question too.

Living Space


Credit to Ikea Malaysia for the image

Along with financial stability, the place where your pet would be living in poses great importance. Does your home have a small or large space? The reason why you have to consider this stems from the type of pet that you intend to own. While guinea pigs and turtles are alright with enclosed spaces, pets like dogs and cats do not live well in small spaces. Home is one of the few places where they can roam freely and explore independently.

Family Members

This wouldn’t affect you much if you’re living on your own. What about if you’re living with your family members? Then you’ll have to be sure that you’ve a consensus that everyone is open to the idea of you bringing a pet home. As having a pet is a lifetime commitment, each member has to be willing to share the responsibility of caring for the pet, such as giving it a shower, feeding its meals and going for a walk with it as an exercise.

A pet is not a living thing that you dispose of when you lose interest in it, so it’ll complicate things if you insist on having one when your family members are against it. You’ll have to be solely responsible for it and there’s no guarantee that you’ll have help too.

Time


Credit to National Post for the image

Another question is whether you have time. Are you able to carve some extra time out of your busy schedule?

Time is another thing that you need to contemplate on before you go ahead to get yourself a pet. No matter how pressed you are for time, you need to spend some time socializing with your pet - be it through daily walks or teaching it tricks with treats. If you’ve decided on having a dog, you’ll also need to bring it on its daily twice-a-day walks. To make sure that your dog isn’t bored of the same walking route, you also need the extra time to wary the walking routes that you take your dog on and expose it to different environments.

You can’t expect it to be holed up indoors at all times without it becoming depressed or saddened. Dogs are living creatures who are just as sociable. There might be a great chance that your pet could have potential negative impacts on its health if it doesn’t socialize with other animals or with fellow humans.

Being on the Go


Credits to Steven Lewis on Unsplash for the image

Does your lifestyle or work force you to be away from home for long periods of time?

You’ll need to analyze whether your work impacts on your ability to take care of your pet. If you’re someone who frequently travels for work or on impulse, it’s not recommended that you should have a pet because of the time spent away from it. Furthermore, you’ll need to search for a pet store that offers boarding services in advance. While most owners are aware of what boarding stands for, it is defined that the pet store will take care of your pet for the duration that you’ll be away.

Whereas if you’ve dogs or cats, you’ll need to ask someone else - other family members or your friends - to temporarily look after them. This would inconvenience them and might expose your dog or cat to additional stress, especially if it is not familiar with its temporary guardian. On top of that, there is a risk of separation anxiety if you’re away from it for an extended period of time - even if it is an independent dog who doesn’t mind your absence on in a while.

I hope that the aforementioned guide would be able to assist you in ensuring that you’re physically, emotionally, and financially ready to have a pet in your life. As it is a life-altering decision and commitment, you’ll need to be confident that you’re absolutely prepared for a pet. In the unlikely event that you want to have a pet but are unable to, you could always visit a dog park or your friends’ pets.

Can You Stay?

This poem was inspired by the original, which, in turn, has a varying interpretation for the both of us. I can still remember with clarity the events that led to the eleventh hour. Promises were broken and hopes were shattered.



With the touch of a button,
It killed a blossoming friendship.
Her decision cemented the beginning of an end,
Altering the course of their closeness.

He spied her from a distance,
The slim yet medium height person he called his friend.
His heart stirred at her sight,
Yet he was heavy-hearted.

A quick second change of emotions
Yet the sunset reminded him,
It’s your last hours with her.
She’ll never return.

He couldn’t peel his eyes off her.
He wanted to memorize the way she laughed,
The way her eyes crinkled in merriment,
And the way she squeaked with surprise.

Each tick-tock of his watch,
It drove home the fact that she was leaving.
His sadness swam in his eyes,
Before he suppressed it with a smile.

His bones were filled with sorrow in the final hour.
His eyes betrayed his feelings
His shoulders sagged,
Bidding his adieu with a broken heart.

05/26/2020

05/20/2020

Balancing a Freelance with Main Employment

Side hustle is a term that’s used to describe a second job that provides another form of income in addition to your main employment. It can mean anything from being a freelance writer or designer to driving for Grab. Working full time is already exhausting as you are dedicating at least 8 - 9 hours on a daily basis. The hours spent on your job is higher when you have a side hustle, so you’d need to figure a way out to succeed in it without sacrificing your main employment. This is where I’ll try to list down a couple of handy trips that would help you to excel.

Keep your roles separate from each other


Image from Create & Cultivate.

No matter what you do, always take preventative steps to ensure that your full-time job and side hustle are not in direct competition with your full-time job. Try to ensure that your boss won’t find out about your second job to avoid giving them a reason to fire you and the risk of breaching the confidentiality of your job position. You should also do the same if it is in a different field to protect your own integrity. You wouldn’t want to be thinking about your side hustle at a time when you should be completing the prescribed tasks associated with your main employment.

Sacrificing your free time

Whether you like it or not, you need to sacrifice a large sum of your free time in dedication and passion for your side hustle. This would include weekends and possibly your social life. With that being said, if you’re careful with your time management, you could still balance your side hustle with your full-time job and social life. I know that it is doable from my personal experience. As my side hustle involves freelance writing, what I usually do is arrive at my workplace earlier than my colleagues and dedicate at least thirty minutes to it. Alternatively, I would keep an eye out for my bosses and colleagues while multitasking between writing and the prescribed tasks.

Prioritizing your health


Image from Entity Health.

You’d be tempted to have a later bedtime or worse, pull all-nighters to dedicate to your side hustle. I can tell you upfront that this is the wrong motto to believe in. It is not worth endangering your health when it is unlikely that you’d be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

As you already have your full-time job to worry about, you wouldn’t want to bite more than you can chew and run the risk of falling ill. It’s better for you to divide your tasks on a miniscule level rather than to lose your sleep and cram everything into one night. With this method, you’re able to feel well enough to focus on your side hustle as well as your full-time job.

Keeping a note of your goals


Image taken from MiGoals.

Before you start with your side hustle, know what you aspire to achieve out of it. It doesn’t matter whether you want the financial independence or a supplementary income. What matters the most is that you conduct your research and groundwork beforehand. This would assist you in avoiding the common pitfalls associated with the field that you intend to break into and focus on the positive side of things instead. Once you’ve done that, remember to write your goals in a diary as a continuous reminder to yourself not to give up. There will be moments in time when you’ll feel that you can’t cope while working a full-time job, but fret not. Don’t be pressured by time and other people’s success. Your sacrifices would eventually be paid off.

Financial investments

It is a common understanding that some side hustles would require you to invest a certain amount of money first. If you’re confident with your chosen field, then start with a reasonable amount that wouldn’t cause you to accrue a massive debt. This would prevent you from incurring large debts that you wouldn’t be able to immediately pay off with your disposable income. Don’t fall for the belief that you’ll receive more in profit if you make large investments as it doesn’t work this way all the time.

It is fully understandable if you are struggling to cope, but don’t worry. Your hard work will come to fruition and your goals will eventually be achieved. With the above tips, I hope that it would help you to succeed with your side hustle.