06/28/2020

Could this be workplace exhaustion that I’m feeling?



The Sunday blues. Splitting headaches in the office that ruin my mood. The pent-up emotions. The desire to be left alone with my paperwork. The tendency to snap even when the smallest thing doesn’t go to plan. The overall frustration at my inability to complete duties. A part of me suspects that it might be workplace exhaustion since those behavior’s out of the ordinary whereas the other part of me is dismissive of it, chalking it up to projection of disappointments in my personal life.

If the latter is true, I’m not a tad bit surprised about it. Given the choice, I want to maintain an arm’s worth of distance from everything and everything around me. It’s arduous to feign normalcy when I feel like crap and look like it too. I’m of the belief that we’re better off alone to prevent hearts from being shattered into pieces or downright crestfallen - both of which I’ve continuously experienced over the years. You could even say that I’m used to being disheartened. There are also days when I’m physically present but emotionally and mentally absent from the conversation. I won’t let what’s bothering me leak out onto my face or spill into my sentences no matter how much I shouldn’t hide it and fight it off on my own. I personally believe that I shouldn’t burden family and friends with my negative thoughts. It’s not like they can magically solve all of it for me. You’re more than welcome to disagree with me on this since we all have our individual experiences in life. Some may be beautiful. Others may be traumatic to the point where suppression is the only way to move forward.

A weighted heart and heavy limbs greet me each morning, leaving me with a cloud of being beat and dead. I’m harboring the temptation of leaving everything on the backburner while I recalibrate in search of life’s purpose and importance since I don’t even know what’s what anymore. On top of that, I’d love to hibernate in bed for days on end if I could, but responsibilities pressure me to face the world with a pretense of normality. It’s something that we all have to experience being a working member of society one way or another. What matters most is how we approach and deal with it.



*sighs*

I guess it is what it is. Maybe things will change for the better once I proceed with that decision of mine.

06/23/2020

A Little Update from Me

Now that we’re at the halfway mark, things have taken a divergent turn. It’s been a chaotic time since the pandemic made its presence known and caused precarious aftereffects, where jobs have been threatened or unfortunately slashed to save operational costs. What’s worse is that there’s no knowing as to when the tide will be smoother for everyone to return to normalcy, but one thing’s for sure.

Since things will never return to the good old days, we’ll have to embrace the new norm and be accustomed to having our temperatures and presence in businesses recorded.

It’s glaringly obvious that I need to emotionally withdraw from those around me and have some alone time. I’m bone-tired from juggling work with the matters in my personal life. Weekends aren’t exempted either; there are times when I have to dedicate additional hours to complete the paperworks in the serenity of my residence to avoid the sensation of being caved in. My concentration is messed up to such a stage that it’s slightly affected my work performance. I’ve missed the items that needed amendment to the point where my supervisor’s annoyed with me. It’s not verbally expressed, but I’ve picked up on the signals. Body language will never lie. I’ve also spilt water on the tiled floor in my state of daze with the amount of liquid warranting the use of a floor towel to clean up the mess. Yes, I’m aware that we all have our own issues to deal with behind closed doors. That’s why you don’t see me penning much about it on the blogosphere.

Yet the circumstances wouldn’t permit me to take a chill pill. Work is forever on my mind, even on those days when I’m away from the workplace. Maybe that’s my worst fear: turning into a workaholic and not resting enough. *shrugs* I’m being overwhelmed by things, but to hell am I showing it. It’s one thing to have my emotions splashed on my face. It’s another thing to let anyone see the vulnerable part of me and me hiding with tears welling up in my eyes out of frustration. It’s not a matter of egoism; it’s more of preventing anyone from exploiting my vulnerability to their advantage.

Something in me has weighed me down and I’m in a dilemma on how I should settle it. Both sets of decisions have their pros and cons. A part of me craves for what the heart wants the most whereas the other side of me is heading for what’s best for everyone involved.

It also doesn’t help that dreams have started to haunt me at night, but I take comfort in the knowledge that I can’t remember the full details of it. It’s all a blended mixture of different pieces. Except for one, which was saying goodbye to a curly-haired child of about a teenager at the bus station in the dream. I can recollect with sheer clarity that there were lanterns outside the doors as we walked towards the bus station to send me off to an unknown destination. The child’s facial features weren’t revealed in the dream, but my subconscious has its suspicions because I know someone in real life who might fit that facial description.

Forcing those pent-up exhaustion aside, we made the drive to Ikea and braved the long lines to run delayed errands there and at the neighboring grocery store. The aura was unlike what I was used to, especially when seeing people lining up is a rarity. Weariness stopped me from continuing the rest of the expedition. I mean, dragging bags of goodies from one section of the mall all the way to the parking bays ain’t fun due to its combined weight and the fatigue from spending half a day in the office. The comforting part of the trip would be sinking my face in a tub of delicious vanilla ice-cream from London. It’d be a waste to devour it in one sitting, so it’s comfortably sitting in the freezer, waiting for me to slowly savor its taste.

06/13/2020

06/11/2020

Things to Consider Before Getting A Pet

It’s a lovely idea that you’re thinking of having a pet as there are emotional, mental, and physical benefits for yourself. However, you need to ask yourself whether you’re ready to welcome a pet into your life and your family. It’s a life-changing decision, not just because you have an additional family member to care for but more because it’s a lifetime commitment. With that being said, I’ll share the tips and lessons that I’ve learned in my years of having a dog.


Credit to The Malaysian Times for the image

Financial Stability

One of the most pertinent questions that you have to ask yourself is this: are you financially stable to support a pet, especially when it is ill? Although you’re able to roughly calculate the amount that you need to spend on pet food, it is hard to gauge how much you’ll need to spend on medical expenses for a handful of reasons. One of which is the length of treatment and duration of recovery if your pet has a serious medical condition. The other is the costs of yearly vaccination.

If you’re confident that you’ve enough money to do so without driving yourself into debt, you’ll need to think of the next question too.

Living Space


Credit to Ikea Malaysia for the image

Along with financial stability, the place where your pet would be living in poses great importance. Does your home have a small or large space? The reason why you have to consider this stems from the type of pet that you intend to own. While guinea pigs and turtles are alright with enclosed spaces, pets like dogs and cats do not live well in small spaces. Home is one of the few places where they can roam freely and explore independently.

Family Members

This wouldn’t affect you much if you’re living on your own. What about if you’re living with your family members? Then you’ll have to be sure that you’ve a consensus that everyone is open to the idea of you bringing a pet home. As having a pet is a lifetime commitment, each member has to be willing to share the responsibility of caring for the pet, such as giving it a shower, feeding its meals and going for a walk with it as an exercise.

A pet is not a living thing that you dispose of when you lose interest in it, so it’ll complicate things if you insist on having one when your family members are against it. You’ll have to be solely responsible for it and there’s no guarantee that you’ll have help too.

Time


Credit to National Post for the image

Another question is whether you have time. Are you able to carve some extra time out of your busy schedule?

Time is another thing that you need to contemplate on before you go ahead to get yourself a pet. No matter how pressed you are for time, you need to spend some time socializing with your pet - be it through daily walks or teaching it tricks with treats. If you’ve decided on having a dog, you’ll also need to bring it on its daily twice-a-day walks. To make sure that your dog isn’t bored of the same walking route, you also need the extra time to wary the walking routes that you take your dog on and expose it to different environments.

You can’t expect it to be holed up indoors at all times without it becoming depressed or saddened. Dogs are living creatures who are just as sociable. There might be a great chance that your pet could have potential negative impacts on its health if it doesn’t socialize with other animals or with fellow humans.

Being on the Go


Credits to Steven Lewis on Unsplash for the image

Does your lifestyle or work force you to be away from home for long periods of time?

You’ll need to analyze whether your work impacts on your ability to take care of your pet. If you’re someone who frequently travels for work or on impulse, it’s not recommended that you should have a pet because of the time spent away from it. Furthermore, you’ll need to search for a pet store that offers boarding services in advance. While most owners are aware of what boarding stands for, it is defined that the pet store will take care of your pet for the duration that you’ll be away.

Whereas if you’ve dogs or cats, you’ll need to ask someone else - other family members or your friends - to temporarily look after them. This would inconvenience them and might expose your dog or cat to additional stress, especially if it is not familiar with its temporary guardian. On top of that, there is a risk of separation anxiety if you’re away from it for an extended period of time - even if it is an independent dog who doesn’t mind your absence on in a while.

I hope that the aforementioned guide would be able to assist you in ensuring that you’re physically, emotionally, and financially ready to have a pet in your life. As it is a life-altering decision and commitment, you’ll need to be confident that you’re absolutely prepared for a pet. In the unlikely event that you want to have a pet but are unable to, you could always visit a dog park or your friends’ pets.

Can You Stay?

This poem was inspired by the original, which, in turn, has a varying interpretation for the both of us. I can still remember with clarity the events that led to the eleventh hour. Promises were broken and hopes were shattered.



With the touch of a button,
It killed a blossoming friendship.
Her decision cemented the beginning of an end,
Altering the course of their closeness.

He spied her from a distance,
The slim yet medium height person he called his friend.
His heart stirred at her sight,
Yet he was heavy-hearted.

A quick second change of emotions
Yet the sunset reminded him,
It’s your last hours with her.
She’ll never return.

He couldn’t peel his eyes off her.
He wanted to memorize the way she laughed,
The way her eyes crinkled in merriment,
And the way she squeaked with surprise.

Each tick-tock of his watch,
It drove home the fact that she was leaving.
His sadness swam in his eyes,
Before he suppressed it with a smile.

His bones were filled with sorrow in the final hour.
His eyes betrayed his feelings
His shoulders sagged,
Bidding his adieu with a broken heart.