Emotions and dreams

This is one of those nights where my subconscious took a divergent turn in the form of a peculiar dream.

I dreamt that I harbored the intention to quietly embark on a permanent vacation to escape the earthly misery. In preparation for my plans, I convinced my family to have lunch on their own and lied that I had urgent matters to attend to when I wanted to finish off the job. On the way to the chosen destination, I passed by a mall with pink paint and shrubs yet it was devoid of any visitors or shoppers alike. Just like my heart, it had the aura of an empty space.

Hours after I jumped into the open waters, there were passersby gathering at the spot where I was last seen. The police were also there to ensure that the crowd didn’t become rowdy or extremely inquisitive while SAR (search and rescue) scouted the area for any traces of me, be it with a breathing soul or not.

The camera then panned to a different scene where I was in the middle of a living room, surrounded by homo sapiens who felt like relatives. I was seated on the three seater couch and facing the television whereas they were scattered on the remaining seats. Although I could hear the chatter, I couldn’t see anything. My attempt damaged my vision and caused both of my eyes to be surgically removed due to the injury sustained, leaving only the eye sockets. People couldn’t look me in the eye and I had to lower my head all the time for the fear of scaring the lights out of them.   

The area was surrounded with white walls and a peaceful, light air attached to it. There was no element of worries at all. Someone emerged from behind the living room and overheard noises coming from outside, so I asked for a description. According to the same person, there were two bulky men with strong necks wanting to see me, so I immediately asked the individual to get a knife or something to defend all of us because the visitors meant harm.

Deciphering the dream could be a tad bit difficult due to the dark nature of it, but let’s give it a go.

The part where I wanted to throw myself off the cliffs and into the sea may signify “a dangerous or uncertain situation that you are choosing to confront all at once. Choosing to face a problem , “get your hands dirty”, or take a big chance. Making the choice to get involved with something unpleasant. To dream of jumping off something may reflect your desperation to avoid something. Suicidal desperation or desperation to get out of a situation. You may be uncomfortable in a situation and need to plan a better way out.” *sighs* I wonder if this is indicative to what I’m enduring in my personal life. I won’t describe it as precarious per se, but definitely complicated and challenging to such a point where I want to throw the towel and hide in a dark corner away from prying and concerned eyes.

Credits to Arrow photo created by freepik - www.freepik.com and Designed by Freepik for the image 

Me dreaming about that empty shopping mall is a reflection of my reserved attitude. Dream About Meaning.com elaborates more about it: “There is some emotional issue that you need to deal with instead of letting it clog up within you. You may not be seeing things the way they really are. This is sadly an admonition for some nagging or annoying issue. You are having problems communicating your feelings and thoughts to others.” Bam, I’m getting the sense that my subconscious is pushing me to care more for my emotions instead of falling back on the default of suppression and to approach my personal life from another point of view to get my message across.

The living room with the white walls “represents feelings about yourself having to be perfectly honest in your life. A room with white walls may also reflect life situations where you are confronting a lot of negatively. A theme to your life that revolves around fixing problems you never got to fix before. Feeling that your entire life revolves around witnessing other people revealing their dishonest intentions to you over and over. A fear of not being perfectly honest at all times.” Because I’ve been burnt by people’s selfish behaviors repeatedly, I’ve learnt to keep myself at a distance with a bubble so that I won’t be hurt again. Yet this comes at a price. By me not being close to anyone, no one truly knows the inner workings of my mind and my truest emotions… plus my vulnerability could be used against me if the other party wants to see me crumble into pieces.

Me having empty eye sockets in the dream would be the part that resonates well with my life. AuntyFlo.com opines that it is illustrative of my dissatisfaction and my fear of trust, especially when there’s someone trustworthy in my life. If you ask me, it’s ironic that the dream is a reflection of my lack of trust. Due to what I’ve experienced over the years, I rarely have my full trust in anyone, especially when the last I trusted someone, things went south… and while I understood why things happened the way it did, I still felt a tad bit betrayed.