Floating Here and There

Who would have thought that it’s already 2021 in the blink of an eye?

Or was it because I have been busy with life?

I’m fully aware that I haven’t been active on the blogosphere for some time now and since the reasons for which have been explained in the previous post, I won’t go into much detail about it. But one thing’s for sure; it’s rather difficult to balance everything - life, work, freelance, and the minute ingredients - on one plate without having some me-time. I really admire those who are able to do that without sacrificing anything.

Let’s start with the Christmas dinner.

 

Christmas decoration in a restaurant

I had left the office earlier to ensure that everything went according to plan at the specified location - at the behest of the higher-ups. It was the first time that the dinner had been organized and executed, so we were all in it like clueless folks with nothing to fall back on. What struck me as surprising was how the colleagues immediately sat with each other at the assigned tables. You know, like how cliques are formed where its members are tight-knit? Yup, that kind of thing. The departments were huddled together in the narrow space.

Seating arrangements never bothered me much unless it’s an assigned one. I’ve always preferred the ability to choose my own seat because it helps with an unplanned escape - to the toilet or out of the place to answer a call.

Cappuccino

Certain facts were also indirectly revealed where I was almost frightened by what was said - even if it was done with humor. Most of my close friends are aware that my sense of humor is close to non-existent, so what’s said as a joke could be easily interpreted as something intended.

Even though it was a celebration that ended late, most of us barely made it to the workplace in one piece the next day. I, on the other hand, woke up with a severe headache (close to the ones I had in college) and would have crashed in the office since it was a suspected hangover. Trying to work while tackling a hangover - even the slightest bit of it - was rather challenging, especially when I could barely focus on the computer due to a blurred vision. I almost dropped to the floor when I stood up because my balance was off and had to hold my lowered head while walking at a tortoise’s pace to prevent my body from any unexpected movements. Luckily for me, there wasn’t much paperwork that needed completion or attention - because I had a Christmas Eve lunch to attend to with a friend.

Outdoor decorative pieces 

My food companion was prepared for a change of plans at the eleventh hour due to me feeling woozy and unsure if I’d be okay on my own outdoors. After all, I had already informed him that I needed to attend the Christmas dinner and the chances of alcohol making its presence were also there.Surprisingly, the copious amount of coffee (two mugs of black coffee is already pushing the limit for me) really worked its magic; it helped to make me feel better - almost to the point where I was confident that I wouldn’t collapse. Seeing that the cafe that we wanted to patronize was closed for their temporary renovation, we had to change our original plans and settle for a quick alternative before swinging by the ice-cream cafe for some dessert. Coffee and tea were ordered together with our individual flavors before a short conversation took place.

In hindsight, we were lucky to have caught up during the Christmas festivities because the recent introduction of MCO 2.0 has boxed us in our current locations with no confirmed dates on when we’ll be able to travel interstate or across the districts. At the time of this posting, it took us close to 3 months of waiting before we were able to have another round of hangouts - with pictures.

And close to 3 months to sit down in front of the computer to pen this post.

02/20/21

With a change of time and environment comes the introduction of a differing scope and atmosphere, yet I’m still cautious about everyone and everything around me. While I may seem loquacious and approachable, I’ve been careful to maintain a neutral approach about matters that I don’t wish to speak about. You do you, I do I, and we’re all good. Most of my friends have noticed the change in my demeanor, but they’ve chalked it up to me drained by job stress and for good reasons.

I’ve learnt that not everyone wants to see you succeed; some may appear as such on the outset, but secretly want you to fail. Some would rather chew on popcorn and watch you struggle and muddle your way through the mud - even though they have the tools to aid your journey.

There will come a time when the jigsaw puzzles will all fall into place, finally revealing the lessons behind this … sticky puddle of mess. There have been ups and downs and unexpected twists in the weeks that I have been away from the blog. It was never my intention to be absent from the blog without notice, but when life’s priorities take precedence, you’re somehow on the go for most of the days - and if there’s not enough time, sleep takes a beating instead. I honestly have no idea how the average office worker is able to cope with the additional hours spent on the daily commute from home to their workplace whereas I have issues staying awake without caffeine - and loads of it. The truth of the matter is that I’ve been busy on the downtime - between work and other matters - to the point where I don’t have excess energy to draft and pen blog posts frequently. Even those rare moments that I have are spent on YouTube and sleep.

I’ve noticed something else about me. It’s the desire to avoid bright lights or places where there are large crowds and the deep tendency to use the lunch hour to go off on a solo exploration. I mean, being alone sometimes has its benefits because it means that I’m able to kill two birds with one stone if I have errands to squeeze in or I’m able to seek solace in the nearby hangouts. It’s due to pure luck that I’m working in an area which I’m relatively familiar with, so it’s easy to search for cafes. For someone who’s survived for many years without being exposed to headaches, being thrown in the deep end of migraine attacks isn’t something that I can handle too. I’ve not consulted the doctor on this because I don’t want to be prescribed with painkillers or medications, but based on what I’ve read and experienced, it wouldn’t surprise me if I’m now suffering from migraines. I’ve had episodes where I’m sensitive to bright lights with such a pounding head that it was enough to keep me in bed for most of the day as well as throwing my food up.

Again, as long as I don’t continuously pull all-nighters, I should be able to keep the migraine attacks at bay or reduce it to a minimum.

Up until then, I’ll just have to drag my way through the mud and hope that I don’t crumble under the weight of it all. After all, pretense is something that all of us are susceptible to succumbing to, though not many are successful in doing so because it takes effort and practice combined with the ability to convince others. And this is where things become murky; with enough effort, you can easily mislead someone into believing that you’re really doing fine … when you’re not.