Although my mental psyche was exhausted from the amount of matters that required my utmost attention as of late, my mind was still alert when my acquaintance wept over the phone, ranting on me her fears and worries.
The succeeding free verse is written based on the contents of our tele-conversation and from what I've observed when we were together. It won't sound smooth because it was done at the spur of the moment without any corrections made.... plus I need to practice more before I can pen any more heartfelt odes.
In the quiet corner that I sit,
I huddle against the wall in the deafening silence.
My eyes are pressed against my palms,
As I force myself to remain a tough cookie.
Yet here I am, shedding those tears.
With each cold drop, it slices my heart even more.
The invisible stab wounds bleed me dry;
It is leaving me incapable of emotions.
Your laugh, I can still hear its croakiness.
Your smile, it is ingrained in my mind.
Your words, they are a soothing melody to my ears.
I am suffocating under this wave of hurt,
But my face betrays not my feelings.
Under the peace of the summer's night,
Save for the cricket's hum,
I cried buckets' worth for you and no one else.
Oblivious to your gregarious approach,
I extremely care for you, even more than myself.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
20 Facts About Me (Blogger Version)
Before I begin, the one I'm posting here will slightly differ from the facts that I've posted on Facebook and Instagram because there are personal details of mine that should not be exposed to the blogging world.
And so, after Kaveeta, Alicia and Krissy all nominated me to do this through the abovementioned platforms, I figured that I'll extend a copy here, in case you are curious about me.
1) I drink wine. Cherry red wine is my favorite.
2) Music is my life.
3) It sounds awfully ridiculous, but I always fool myself into believing that I'm drinking beer or vodka (never had either and won't be touching it) when it's just plain water that I'm having.
4) I used to write song lyrics and poetry for fun.
5) Speaks Mandarin but barely know how to write in it.
6) Listens to rap, rock, pop and country in addition to gospel.
7) I had a stubborn streak when I was younger (I want means I want; I don't care!!!)
8) I'm a coffee lover. I have drank 4 cups for two straight days (blame it on the weight of my subjects in 1st semester) and am willing to do it again.
9) Am still a Barbie fan - even at this age, after all these years.
10) I love to bake. That's a pretty common fact by now, but I don't harbor the intention of obtaining the Culinary Arts Degree from Lakeside.
11) Plays badminton, but am picking up table tennis.
12) Running is my method for facing stress and angst. It's like when I run, I feel free.
13) Friends to me are like my family, related not by blood but through hobbies and life/fate.
14) My favorite author's Nicholas Sparks.
15) I was once a TVC talent and a director's apple.
16) The stage is my (second) home. There's nowhere that I feel more comfortable than there, below the bright lights and drawing the confidence from the audience.
17) While Mama Carrie is the photographer in the family and Papa Carrie is the reader, I consider myself to be the writer.
18) Not artistically inclined.
19) Nothing brightens my day than to see the smiles radiating in the eyes of my friends. Ohana!
20) Loves American/World History and Law.
And so, after Kaveeta, Alicia and Krissy all nominated me to do this through the abovementioned platforms, I figured that I'll extend a copy here, in case you are curious about me.
1) I drink wine. Cherry red wine is my favorite.
2) Music is my life.
3) It sounds awfully ridiculous, but I always fool myself into believing that I'm drinking beer or vodka (never had either and won't be touching it) when it's just plain water that I'm having.
4) I used to write song lyrics and poetry for fun.
5) Speaks Mandarin but barely know how to write in it.
6) Listens to rap, rock, pop and country in addition to gospel.
7) I had a stubborn streak when I was younger (I want means I want; I don't care!!!)
8) I'm a coffee lover. I have drank 4 cups for two straight days (blame it on the weight of my subjects in 1st semester) and am willing to do it again.
9) Am still a Barbie fan - even at this age, after all these years.
10) I love to bake. That's a pretty common fact by now, but I don't harbor the intention of obtaining the Culinary Arts Degree from Lakeside.
11) Plays badminton, but am picking up table tennis.
12) Running is my method for facing stress and angst. It's like when I run, I feel free.
13) Friends to me are like my family, related not by blood but through hobbies and life/fate.
14) My favorite author's Nicholas Sparks.
15) I was once a TVC talent and a director's apple.
16) The stage is my (second) home. There's nowhere that I feel more comfortable than there, below the bright lights and drawing the confidence from the audience.
17) While Mama Carrie is the photographer in the family and Papa Carrie is the reader, I consider myself to be the writer.
18) Not artistically inclined.
19) Nothing brightens my day than to see the smiles radiating in the eyes of my friends. Ohana!
20) Loves American/World History and Law.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Post-Attack Lunch
Ingredients:
2 eggs, beaten
1 Tbsp sesame oil (I used the one that Mama Carrie bought from Taiwan last Deepavali)
1 Tbsp tomato sauce (I used the brand called "Newman's Own")
1 cup of overnight spiral pasta
A pinch of pepper
A pinch of salt
A pinch of bread crumbs (I used the one bought from last year's Australia)
Directions:
Turn the gas to medium low.
Coat the pasta with the tomato sauce.
Dish out onto a serving plate.
Beat the eggs and mix with the bread crumbs.
Pour the batter in a preheated and oiled pan.
Cook the egg batter on medium low fire until there are no more bubbles.
Serve the pan-fried egg on top of the pasta
The final result. (I know the presentation is terrible, please forgive me on that)
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Are you aware of my noticeable absence?
"You won't understand the decisions that I have made, but you will when you are in my shoes and at my age."
It's always proven itself to be true; even though not too many chums were able to comprehend the reasons behind it, I've always attributed it to the fact that they'll only fathom it at a later time. We are all from the same kind, but how we think and behave differ from each other when we're experiencing a situation. If you're a legal student or familiar with the ins and outs of the judicial system, it's something like the reasonable person test that the Courts will use while indicting or acquitting the defendant.
Now that matriculation is a thing of the past, it's about time that I stand in front of the campfire and burn the microscopic slides of bittersweet memories that were amassed over the moments, breathing a sigh of relief at each of it being melted away. I envision myself undergoing that process, but to successfully extinguish all copies of it would require an indefinite amount of time... like how I sporadically had flashbacks of Jeremy and Bya and struggled to face it in the eye.
Plus, I know myself; ingrained in me is someone who has forgotten how to have fun while chasing after the academic grades. To aggravate matters, this person is more than willing to throw friendships to the backburner if it means attaining her goals. I'm not lying; Shaney's the character witness and she'll attest to every word that I just spoke.
In this case, how I am to reduce the hurt if I'm swimming down this route? I don't know how many buckets worth of regrets I'll create upon university graduation... I was flipping through the yearbook in boredom before dinner, carefully missing out certain pages with intention while listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D on my cell and reading the farewell messages that my peers - juniors and fellow seniors alike - penned. Some brought me to laughter (especially the quick sketch of a very chubby blue cat); some made me sad not because I was no longer with them but to know that they actually want to continue the friendship into the future is rather touching. I learned concurrently that while they understood my ambitions, they wanted me to take five and have fun sporadically or I was sliding head-on down into a path of self-destruction, where I'll sacrifice my mental and physical health. Reflecting on it, it was quite shocking; the more I attempted to mask my academic stress, the more it leaked out through my eyes without me being aware of it. The classical music, however, yanked from the ashes the flashbacks from the recent graduation as well; the details, I'm not going to elaborate on it because it's been unwittingly shredded into pieces.
But the million dollar question lingering on my mind is: shall I make the necessary pit stops before breathing life into that plan? Truth be told, I harbor the desire to pack the bags and depart in the silence without a sentence's worth of notice, but once I do that, I can foresee a lot of broken hearts and displeased glares behind my back.
Sigh, why am I feeling this way?
It's always proven itself to be true; even though not too many chums were able to comprehend the reasons behind it, I've always attributed it to the fact that they'll only fathom it at a later time. We are all from the same kind, but how we think and behave differ from each other when we're experiencing a situation. If you're a legal student or familiar with the ins and outs of the judicial system, it's something like the reasonable person test that the Courts will use while indicting or acquitting the defendant.
Now that matriculation is a thing of the past, it's about time that I stand in front of the campfire and burn the microscopic slides of bittersweet memories that were amassed over the moments, breathing a sigh of relief at each of it being melted away. I envision myself undergoing that process, but to successfully extinguish all copies of it would require an indefinite amount of time... like how I sporadically had flashbacks of Jeremy and Bya and struggled to face it in the eye.
Plus, I know myself; ingrained in me is someone who has forgotten how to have fun while chasing after the academic grades. To aggravate matters, this person is more than willing to throw friendships to the backburner if it means attaining her goals. I'm not lying; Shaney's the character witness and she'll attest to every word that I just spoke.
In this case, how I am to reduce the hurt if I'm swimming down this route? I don't know how many buckets worth of regrets I'll create upon university graduation... I was flipping through the yearbook in boredom before dinner, carefully missing out certain pages with intention while listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D on my cell and reading the farewell messages that my peers - juniors and fellow seniors alike - penned. Some brought me to laughter (especially the quick sketch of a very chubby blue cat); some made me sad not because I was no longer with them but to know that they actually want to continue the friendship into the future is rather touching. I learned concurrently that while they understood my ambitions, they wanted me to take five and have fun sporadically or I was sliding head-on down into a path of self-destruction, where I'll sacrifice my mental and physical health. Reflecting on it, it was quite shocking; the more I attempted to mask my academic stress, the more it leaked out through my eyes without me being aware of it. The classical music, however, yanked from the ashes the flashbacks from the recent graduation as well; the details, I'm not going to elaborate on it because it's been unwittingly shredded into pieces.
But the million dollar question lingering on my mind is: shall I make the necessary pit stops before breathing life into that plan? Truth be told, I harbor the desire to pack the bags and depart in the silence without a sentence's worth of notice, but once I do that, I can foresee a lot of broken hearts and displeased glares behind my back.
Sigh, why am I feeling this way?
Friday, August 29, 2014
8/29/2014
Mr. Gordon will cringe if he learns that I've forgotten the history behind the classical eras of romanticism and baroque. =/
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Reflectional Thoughts
#nowlistening to - Rimi Natsukawa - Shima Uta
Too many things have been juxtaposed in the form of university preparations hence the lack of posts lately. My God, the amount of stuffs that I need to do for the visa application is making my head spin. Those cousins are damn lucky to have gone off earlier than me for their studies in Melbourne and Sydney, pfft. >=/
Penning this post could be tough because it would be peppered with emotions - negative and positive, but more of the former - at every nook and cranny, but where there's a beginning, there has to be an end, right? It's been ten weeks since our matriculation journey has opened a new chapter in life; some of us have taken flight to places unexplored while the rest are weighing their options, unable to finalize a decision at the moment. In less than 6 months, however, it'll be my turn. My heart is steadfast on chasing the elusive paper in one of the Australian states and nope, it's not the ones abovementioned.
It's a place that, to be honest, I've never considered and contrary to the fact that constantly swims in mutual friends' eyes when they heard of it, I'm going there for no one but myself. (At least for once, I'm not bowing down to their orders. Why in the world were the relatives screaming for Sydney anyway?)
I don't know; after contemplations and reflections, matriculation life has taught me things that I thought I already knew beforehand. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it, especially when the scar left by the piercing sword is as fresh as the cake I'm currently eating. Then again, being at this age had its advantages: at a time when I was silently fuming, I created an achievable goal for myself and diverted my attention into fulfilling it. If it meant sacrificing friendships/acquaintanceship, so be it. They'll respect my decisions and accept it if they truly understood me - or as they have proclaimed under the melting sun.
After a tremendous amount of hard work and sleepless nights, I made it a living reality, yay! (I could see it in Mr. Layng's eyes that I was becoming the person that I'm capable of being.)
But it was around the same time that I realize that there were envious eyes (Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean that I am unaware of it. I chose to remain reticent because there's nothing I can do about it) that were probably jealous of my achievements, lol! And now, it's like I'm being slapped with flashbacks on my return trips to campus. Memories that were once shared have crumbled with the force of a wind velocity, leaving in its wake a path of burned ashes.
It may sound like I'm filling the cracks with silicon, but I've grown out of that stage. It's too painful to do so and I'm not suffocating myself anytime soon. (My English classmate loved the formalism lens whereas I'm leaning towards the psychological lens... and we now know why, finally.)
I don't want it to come to a point where they'll only remember me when I'm no longer with them. Plainly said, I want to avoid this situation from occurring again: in the middle of the funeral hall lays the coffin that holds my body. Next to me are the flower stands with condolences from my peers in the trade and in front of me are 5 rows of chairs on each side for mourners to weep. Attached to the casket is a framed black-and-white photograph of me. It is silent, save for the loud cries and nothing can be done to undo or repair any mistakes previously committed.
But it can't be avoided because I'm no longer the person that they knew as (someone's close friend). Circumstances have made an impact, changing not only me but a majority of my perspectives as well. I can't wait to begin the adventure and embrace the life of a university.
It'll be at least 4 years before I'll run into anyone on the streets... and that is if I'm fated to run into them again.
Too many things have been juxtaposed in the form of university preparations hence the lack of posts lately. My God, the amount of stuffs that I need to do for the visa application is making my head spin. Those cousins are damn lucky to have gone off earlier than me for their studies in Melbourne and Sydney, pfft. >=/
Penning this post could be tough because it would be peppered with emotions - negative and positive, but more of the former - at every nook and cranny, but where there's a beginning, there has to be an end, right? It's been ten weeks since our matriculation journey has opened a new chapter in life; some of us have taken flight to places unexplored while the rest are weighing their options, unable to finalize a decision at the moment. In less than 6 months, however, it'll be my turn. My heart is steadfast on chasing the elusive paper in one of the Australian states and nope, it's not the ones abovementioned. It's a place that, to be honest, I've never considered and contrary to the fact that constantly swims in mutual friends' eyes when they heard of it, I'm going there for no one but myself. (At least for once, I'm not bowing down to their orders. Why in the world were the relatives screaming for Sydney anyway?)
I don't know; after contemplations and reflections, matriculation life has taught me things that I thought I already knew beforehand. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it, especially when the scar left by the piercing sword is as fresh as the cake I'm currently eating. Then again, being at this age had its advantages: at a time when I was silently fuming, I created an achievable goal for myself and diverted my attention into fulfilling it. If it meant sacrificing friendships/acquaintanceship, so be it. They'll respect my decisions and accept it if they truly understood me - or as they have proclaimed under the melting sun.
After a tremendous amount of hard work and sleepless nights, I made it a living reality, yay! (I could see it in Mr. Layng's eyes that I was becoming the person that I'm capable of being.)
But it was around the same time that I realize that there were envious eyes (Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean that I am unaware of it. I chose to remain reticent because there's nothing I can do about it) that were probably jealous of my achievements, lol! And now, it's like I'm being slapped with flashbacks on my return trips to campus. Memories that were once shared have crumbled with the force of a wind velocity, leaving in its wake a path of burned ashes.
It may sound like I'm filling the cracks with silicon, but I've grown out of that stage. It's too painful to do so and I'm not suffocating myself anytime soon. (My English classmate loved the formalism lens whereas I'm leaning towards the psychological lens... and we now know why, finally.)
I don't want it to come to a point where they'll only remember me when I'm no longer with them. Plainly said, I want to avoid this situation from occurring again: in the middle of the funeral hall lays the coffin that holds my body. Next to me are the flower stands with condolences from my peers in the trade and in front of me are 5 rows of chairs on each side for mourners to weep. Attached to the casket is a framed black-and-white photograph of me. It is silent, save for the loud cries and nothing can be done to undo or repair any mistakes previously committed.
But it can't be avoided because I'm no longer the person that they knew as (someone's close friend). Circumstances have made an impact, changing not only me but a majority of my perspectives as well. I can't wait to begin the adventure and embrace the life of a university.
It'll be at least 4 years before I'll run into anyone on the streets... and that is if I'm fated to run into them again.
Monday, August 25, 2014
8/25/2014
When one hasn't been able to sleep well for three consecutive nights, stuff happens in a random way.
I dreamt that after pulling an all-nighter to keep a mutual acquaintance company until he eventually fell asleep on the couch in his exhaustion, my roommate and I were famished than we were drowsy, choosing to satiate our growling stomach instead. We walked miles to the neighborhood business district and to the newly opened cafe called Mochi Place.
It was packed to the brim when we entered, but thank God we managed to find an empty table and waited for the waiter to clear the cutleries and receive our orders. While waiting for someone to attend to us, the sneaky me captured a picture of the messy table and the restaurant logo before uploading both onto Instagram.
After waiting for around 90 minutes at the airport departure gate, we finally boarded the aircraft and couldn't wait to settle in our seats. It looked pretty much like Air Asia X in real life, but this was much more spacious and our tickets were of the economy class, not the business one.
The chief stewardess came running after me, muttered that the biometrics was necessary and the device I was holding only registered one passenger. I couldn't decipher what she said and asked her to explain in detail. She said that in summary, she needed my biometrics since Mama Carrie's was taken during check-in.
I dreamt that after pulling an all-nighter to keep a mutual acquaintance company until he eventually fell asleep on the couch in his exhaustion, my roommate and I were famished than we were drowsy, choosing to satiate our growling stomach instead. We walked miles to the neighborhood business district and to the newly opened cafe called Mochi Place.
It was packed to the brim when we entered, but thank God we managed to find an empty table and waited for the waiter to clear the cutleries and receive our orders. While waiting for someone to attend to us, the sneaky me captured a picture of the messy table and the restaurant logo before uploading both onto Instagram.
After waiting for around 90 minutes at the airport departure gate, we finally boarded the aircraft and couldn't wait to settle in our seats. It looked pretty much like Air Asia X in real life, but this was much more spacious and our tickets were of the economy class, not the business one.
The chief stewardess came running after me, muttered that the biometrics was necessary and the device I was holding only registered one passenger. I couldn't decipher what she said and asked her to explain in detail. She said that in summary, she needed my biometrics since Mama Carrie's was taken during check-in.
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