10/31/17

I dreamt that it was an event held in a building located in a quiet area. A bunch of us were there to celebrate a festival, which I reckon was Halloween, since we were all dressed up in costumes. My eyes widened with shock and my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw that friend. He seemed like his usual self as he turned up in his costume - as if time never passed between us - and asked how I was before he went his way. Although we were much older, we somehow recognized each other after all these years. It left me with a surprise because I never expected him to remember me.

When I returned from a toilet break, I gave a visual cue to my fellow friends to let them know that we should probably make a move. It was late into the night as we made our way out of the building. For reasons that I don’t know, I got lost from the entourage and found myself struggling to catch up with them and exit out of the building. I kept running into stairs and walking down more flights of stairs with shady characters at certain corners. Although my heart raced with fear and panic, the chilly air was somehow peaceful with its bright stars - if only I learned to relax and enjoy the scenery before me.

The friend in the dream is someone whom I haven’t seen since college graduation. In fact, none of us know his current location or his well -being. It’s as if he vanished without a trace. I don’t know what brought him up in the dream, but I’m aware that I’ve been thinking about him lately. Certain things have also reminded me of him - in a platonic way, mind you. Maybe it’s a sign that I miss him as a friend? Or reminiscing on the good old days where we used to throw each other under the bus?

Oh, yes, even a particular mutual friend of ours has said the same thing.

A quick reference online suggested that his 'appearance can also be a metaphor for some forgotten aspect of yourself that you'd like to reconnect with'. The two most common words used to describe me by my college peers were confidence and strong. The same applies to this friend, so it could be another hint that I admire his confidence and ability to take the bull by its horns all the time - something that I’m losing, drip after drip.

I also sense an ongoing theme with the part of me getting lost. It is similar to one of the earlier dreams but with a different context. The online interpretation suggested that I want stability or a normalcy - or rather crave the need for it. In addition, ‘to dream of being lost in the dark may represent feelings of being desperate to do anything all with no way to. Feeling unable to control anything that is happening to you. Feeling that you are completely on your own with no answers or help in sight. Alternatively, it may also reflect powerful feelings of isolation or loneliness.’

It is suggestive that I feel a sense of abandonment - in some ways. At the current state of mind, it feels like I’m floating in two territories - between my home country and current location - with no sense of belonging. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t thing. Maybe this scene is cementing my fear that I’m at a disadvantage. Ever since I started this semester, I already know that I’ve lost control of something. It didn’t help that my displeasure at the occurrences plus the academic stress have given me a hue of charcoal more than once. Somehow, I believe that although I take the courage and ask for help, it’s not going to necessarily work because 1) it’s not something that any Tom, Dick or Harry is able to assist with me; and 2) I’m worried sick about not just passing the exams, but attaining the grade that I want.

Stairs. I don’t know what to make of it because I’ve never dreamt of climbing or seeing stairs, but this is what the online interpretation said: ‘To dream that you are upstairs of a building refers to your higher level of understanding. It symbolizes your rational thinking and objectivity. Alternatively, being upstairs means that you hold yourself in high regard. To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your subconscious. It also refers to the setbacks that you are experiencing in your life.’

Let’s break the two interpretations into a more understandable element.

Interpretation #1: it characterizes a safety net, where I know that I can fall back on them should anything occur. I’m more confident and able to reason out with people, if they cross their boundaries and invade my personal space.

Interpretation #2: this is a little tricky. The costume might be a facade for me to ditch my insecurities and play someone else, even for the night. It could be a change of thoughts, where I just want to be myself since confidence has landed me into a muddy pile of mess (and jealousy-infused glares, if I may add). I’ve also suppressed my thoughts because I want to fade into the crowd and not stand out of them. I want to be treated like one of the invisible folks and left alone to do my own thing. What’s the point of speaking up when it’s not going to work in your favor?