Spending time with the sister as she played a bunch of songs on the piano in our faculty (don’t ask why it’s there; I don’t have the answer for you), a particular piece pained my heart so much that I thought someone stabbed me with a knife. It made me think how beautiful it would be if the three of us - one on piano, one on guitar, and one chilling with her eyes closed - were somewhere at the beach, enjoying each other’s company with a glass of wine to lighten the mood and relax our tired souls.
This, unfortunately, has made me analyse my behavior in college at the commencement and right up to graduation. The first couple of weeks on campus were rather uneventful; it was nothing out of ordinary - just a lost girl finding her footing on stable ground without attracting drama. It was in the third week that things became more interesting. I guess it started when that child asked me why I enrolled into History instead of keeping my slot in Economics. The truth is, there was a late opening for History and I wanted it so bad that I didn’t mind the daily commute at 7 am.
Yes, you read that right.
The daily commute at 7 am.
The smile slid off my face when I saw a couple of familiar faces, but I should’ve seen it coming. There were signs indicating that child loves his history as much as he does with creative writing and I must’ve been blind to dismiss it. There’s more I could spill, but I’ve been careful about revealing the amount of information on this part of college life. I’ve always had a soft spot for that child; as weird as it may sound to your ears, we loved driving each other up the wall in our unique way. I don’t expect him to know this: he was the first person who came into my mind during my college semesters whenever I wanted to share a piece of good news or needed his help on something, but I controlled myself from approaching him.
So long, my friend. Always know that the wind will carry my wishes and prayers to you by its own method. Although I don’t necessarily appreciate the covert inferences, I know that’s just you being you.
Okay. I’m tired of life as a whole. As it turns out, no matter how much I wanted to hate the decision I made to pursue the degree abroad rather than locally (and save myself one year and the financial expenses attached to that extra 12 months), masks are starting to fall off the faces. People’s true colors have emerged from the dark abyss of their heart, illustrating their priorities and thoughts. Heck, I even feel myself changing - for better or for worse, I don’t know. Only the suspicion that I’m not who I was when I graduated from college.
I’m easily distracted nowadays and feel like something else is taking hold of my attention. Although I barely focus for long, I somehow manage to summon enough energy from somewhere to force myself to remain in the present and take notes in tutorials or lectures. I’d like to think it’s the cause of the wintry weather, but a part of me believes that there is more to it than meets the eye. I’m also easily exhausted. If not for the compulsory attendance at lectures and tutorials, I would be sleeping it off to cure the exhaustion - or at least that’s what I’ll attempt to.
But what I’m worried the most is not the physical exhaustion, but the emotional one where no amount of sleep/rest can cure it. Don’t blame me for such a thought; I don’t wake up feeling refreshed. In fact, if I have a choice, I’d stay in bed for the whole day and suffer the consequences for doing so, such as the overdue errands.
