A lot has happened in the last year. Between me teetering between hyperactivity and emotional exhaustion as well as a change of job positions, there were other matters that almost sent me over the edge of the cliff. That’s the negative side of things that threatened me to hide from the world to protect myself from further hurt. I’ve experienced situations that taught me there’s more to life and humans than meets the eye. The positive side is that in the midst of it all, I met someone whom I’ve grown close to even though it’s not what you think.
I still wear the social, protective mask every time I’m in public. I don’t want anyone to see that I’m drained because it’s not for them to know. Only those closest to me whom I trust are able to notice the change in my emotions. With that being said, I still crave to hide in a dark corner whenever I have the chance to be alone to recuperate from a flat social battery since I’m rarely comfortable in a group setting. Think of it as me being the girl who likes to sit at the corner of the wall with the host’s family dog.
And just like that, I’m not in the festive mood to celebrate the Chinese New Year and to welcome the Year of the White Metal Rat when there are a thousand and one issues on my mind to worry about. My family’s neutral about me hesitating: if we observe, we do. If we don’t, we don’t. I’d rather spend it catching up on work so that I can live the rest of 2020 with a neater workstation. Or at least the first couple of months. The reason why I said this is because I’m living and breathing paperwork at the moment. Papers are scattered everywhere and files are squeezed into any clean, available space. I shudder to think how it would look like when I’m in one of the other departments at a later time.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not sacrificing my allotted holidays for work.
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