It's only Day 17...

Author’s Note: This was written in advance, so there might be some unforeseen changes by the time this post is published.

Watching the statistics (including the number of deaths) steadily rise on a daily basis is frightening due to a variety of reasons. It illustrates the possibility of the order - and I mean the RMO/CMO - only being called off at a later date. It’s something that none of us can take the risk on because salaries and jobs are on the line. Some of us may not even be able to weather the storm in such a stressful period, especially with the predictions of an oncoming recession in the background. Look, I understand the importance of being indoors to avoid the risk of being infected and infecting others. I also comprehend that you’ll argue that life matters more than the economy and jobs, but I’ll opine that both are as equally important since one can’t survive without the other. If lives are lost, there won’t be any individuals to fill in the vacancies, that’s true. If the economy weakens with a significant record of retrenchments and job losses, lives would still be affected. There would be some whose mental health would cave in at this period, leading them to take the easy way out.

It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but the likelihood is there.

It’s only been 17 days since the announcement of the order and I’m already running out of ideas to kill the boredom. My hands are also itching to return to work. Mama Carrie suggested that I should rest my mind (since the past couple of months have been hectic - weaving in and out of two positions and guiding a new colleague as well) until it’s officially time to return. But the thing is I’m not sure if I’d like to do so. Sleeping day and night has its benefits - one of which would be me looking radiant and happier.

Having to wait for another 21 - 22 days would be arduous, seeing that I’m someone who likes working. My brain craves being on the go now because I’m worried about my job since anything can happen. Worries about job security is basically on everyone’s minds now - plus we’d like our freedom again. Another reason being that with the excess free time, it’s allowing me to overthink matters. The stuff that I’ve divulged to my close friend is not meant for public knowledge, not because of its level of darkness but because of the sensitive information in it. Think of it as me emotionally bearing my soul - without the protective layers - to the person. My emotions are on a rollercoaster ride of its own - going from resignation to acceptance and onward to annoyance followed by fear.

*sighs*

I was once okay with spending this much time indoors and that was because of Big Fat. Having him rest at my feet or within a visible reach soothed my nerves. If I was bored and wanted company, I could easily head off to where he was and have a small chat with him. Or hold his paw in the silence. I know, not many dogs would accept their owners holding their paw to sleep. Sometimes Big Fat reaches out to me and gives me a whiff when he spies me being asleep.

Since things have changed, spending lots of time indoors isn’t exactly viable for me. It makes me nervous and scared of what is to come.