Normalcy, where is it

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep these last couple of weeks for a bunch of varying reasons but not excluding job-related anxieties and the reflective dreams. Dreaming about a specific someone after a long time isn’t helping things either. I mean . . . what’s the whole deal about that person showing up off and on? Does his presence carry a certain message that I need to unearth before I’m able to know it? The fierce thunder and blinding lightning - in the wee hours of the morning - have also done its part in throwing me awake out of fear. My heart skips a beat every time it rains during bed time since I’m scared that it’ll cause the electricity supply to be interrupted. It has happened before - at least twice. The dancing trees might also snap from its roots and cause damage to anything and everything around and under it.

As we all are aware of, the MCO’s now in its third phase. The order to stay at home is starting to gnaw at me. One month of not working isn’t exactly doing wonders for both my psyche and my wallet. It’s not just the prospects of receiving a pay cut. It’s the whole idea of staying indoors with no end-date given. Everyone might relate to this since we all know that money doesn’t grow on trees. With bills growing and mouths to feed, we’re becoming angsty about the time when we can return to work. I can already imagine the height of my paperwork and the immense rush to clear it - all before I’m barked at by the parties involved.

The irony is that I can still mask my emotions with a cheery approach, avoiding unnecessary questions with the careful choice of my words. It’s perilous, I know. On one hand, people around me are convinced that I’m strong on my own that I won’t need help. On the other hand, they won’t recognize the signs of me needing help. My close friend’s able to read through my mask, absorbing the change in your mood or body language even if I say nothing about my truest thoughts.

I’d like to think that everything will return to normalcy soon, but what defines that term now that we’re smacked dead deep in a pandemic that currently doesn’t have a vaccine or an expiration date? Gone are the days of social inclusion and mass gatherings (including those open-air trading that we love to flock to weekly). The air has taken a grave turn and people are trying to live with the uncertainty of it all.