Don't cry at my departure

Waterfall by the Riverbank

The weeks leading up to the examination period was a torture because it forced me to juggle the task of stripping the residence of my belongings and dealing with the parties involved while revising for Evidence. I have no idea whether I did enough to warrant a bare pass or not. At the time of this post, I am drafting this in an airplane while having a mixture of annoyance and anger after experiencing one of the worst delays of my life. An hour of delay’s fine with me because I understand that there are things out of the air traffic tower’s control, but not when it is an avoidable delay. We were supposed to depart Adelaide at 9.30am ACDT (which is about 7 am Malaysian time), but it was delayed to 12 pm ACDT (9.30 am MYT) before the flight was cleared for take-off at 1 pm ACDT (11.30am MYT). The arrival time was almost four hours behind - not sure how those with connecting flights are able to make it, especially if it is on different airlines.

Ugh, thank heavens I don’t intend on flying anywhere after this for a long, long time.

I’m not sure if I have the right to whine about the indescribable stress that I’ve landed myself and everyone in, regardless of the shipment or my flight. Let’s just say that I haven’t been in the right frame for 75% of the semester. It didn’t help that something out of the ordinary occurred in the same week as the Evidence exam. I don’t want to publicly speak of it because it has a negative connotation it, but it sent shockwaves to those who were there at the wrong time. I highly doubt that I’ll forget it in the snap of the fingers. I don’t think I’m directly affected, but my heart still skips a beat whenever there are similar traces of it. I was lucky in the sense that I have a type of coping mechanism where my body shakes off the effects at a much later time than everyone else. Or maybe I understood the inferences leading up to the event as a lay (not observational, or that would have caused unnecessary hassle) witness and the possible reasons behind it.

On to happier news.

I received the message a couple of days before the exam and while I wasn’t in the mood to entertain any request for catch ups and its equivalent, I forced myself to say yes. Don’t get me wrong; I know that I should be indoors to recharge, but if we don’t meet up for a farewell meal, only God knows when we will meet again. That’s how life works; even though there is a promise to keep in contact, chances of drifting apart would be there. It has happened to me so often that I’m used to it. With that in mind, I agreed to the good friend’s request to meet up (although the delivery man was coming the next day to collect the shipment). I also didn’t want him to spend the money to courier the Christmas/birthday presents all the way to my place back home. He might’ve been willing to have done so, but I didn’t want my parents to misinterpret his sincerity - since I’m somewhat in a sticky situation now.

Each of us endeavored to make the best out of the limited time that we had with each other. Yet there were traces of their sadness influencing their body languages; the signs would be there if you know how and where to look. We started off with lunch at the Malaysian restaurant near our campus. One of the co-owners is our junior in law school. While I don’t know him personally, I’ve seen his name floating around. While the flavors can’t compete with the traditional ones back home, it’s close enough to the ones I’m used to. The meal was followed by an afternoon at the nearby Botanic Gardens, which was the good friend’s suggestion.

Flower wall by the Botanic Gardens

A curved wall of grass

Growing up in a tropical country and spending almost four years in a dry climate, the heat should’ve been bearable, but nope. I was more than ready to throw myself into a freezer or somewhere air-conditioned to cool down. I’m more comfortable with humidity, not heat. Yet we found it in us to capture as many pictures as we possibly could in the Botanic Gardens. After knowing the good friend for some time now, it didn’t surprise me when I saw him focusing on something on his phone. It turned out to be a video and picture of us thinking of ways to climb the tree for a pose. Even if I wore a tracksuit, I’ll never take the risk because I’m not tall or agile enough. We didn’t have any onlookers protesting, which is a relief because the last thing I wanted was for us to be chased out or one of us to sustain a back injury.

I guess I expected the good friend and the sister to sneak in photographs of me whenever they could, which was why I didn’t see that coming. It was a picture of me and the good friend from the back, engaged in a conversation of our own while the sister and her boyfriend were a couple of steps behind us.

The eventual number of pictures was jaw-dropping, but when you have access to a smartphone with the latest technology (not mine, the good friend’s), it should be expected. The very fact that I’m departing should have been a great indicator of what was to come. By the time we left the Botanic Gardens, we were coated in a film of sweat and parched from the heat. I was more than ready to head home to crash after spending an afternoon under the torturous sun - yet there was a final element to our hangout. The good friend suggested to watch a film and left the ball in my court, throwing caution to the wind but not expecting me to decide on ‘A Star is Born’.

It was a 3 to 1 decision to watch the film because it had a romantic flair with a touch of emotions on it. There were moments in the plot when you couldn’t help but be touched by what the characters experienced. Gosh, even though I watched the trailer as a cinema advertisement twice, it never indicated the level of tear-jerking scenes. The finale left us on a somber note - although my eyes shone with tears when Jackson played the beginnings of ‘I’ll Never Love Again’. I had listened to it once or twice a couple of days after the movie’s OST was released on YouTube - and Lady Gaga successfully brought out the emotions that Ally faced as a result of the unexpected circumstances. The main song’s bridge left me with a cold hand on my spine, which illustrates the level of emotions Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga portrayed as Jackson Maine and Ally respectively. In fact, I’m listening to it (‘Shadow’) on repeat as I try not to fall asleep on my keyboard on the plane.

All of us were bone-tired after the movie, but we weren’t ready to say our goodbyes and depart from each other’s company just yet. Because two of us were starving, we headed in the direction of a newly-opened Japanese restaurant on the other end of the street. As the evening drew to an end, we were wrapped in an awkward aura. It finally dawned on us that this is it. There’s no reason to deny the truth any further. Farewell hugs were exchanged and the moment I exchanged an embrace with the good friend, I swear that I felt his heart shattering into pieces. Just a glance into his eyes was enough to make my heart weigh heavier than a boulder. I saw a silent plea beginning me to return to Adelaide some time in the future - if not to stay on for a couple more years. I would’ve done so if things didn’t turn out this way. Yet he summoned everything from the depths of his soul to remain strong in front of us and in public. His shoulders sagged the moment he went in the opposite direction to his bus stop.

Flowers by the Showgrounds

The sister’s eyes swam with tears when it was her turn to bid me adieu - as we’d be separated by distance and sea. The three of us always knew that this day would eventually come yet it was tough to swallow it. I'm someone who doesn't let her truest thoughts show easily, but I know what is going on. If one of us opens the floodgates, it's a chain reaction for the rest. It hit me pretty bad even though I'm not a stranger to departures and farewells. Maybe it's because I've regarded them both as dear to me. They were aware that my situation is a tad bit unique when compared to theirs. Describing it as unique is actually an understatement because it is more complicated than I’ve let on. It was after all a decision that I was forced to make; it wasn’t like I had the best deck of cards or Lady Luck shining her magical wand on me. Trust me, if the latter occurred, the situation would’ve been different and I might’ve found a reason warranting me not to leave.

Although I foresaw this to occur, it was hard to digest. It pained me inasmuch as it did for them. Four years is not a short time - and I basically met them both in the first couple of weeks after the semester commenced. The good friend and I met through a shared class. I arrived in law school earlier to ensure that I found the seminar room and leaned against the wall, waiting for the rest of the students and my tutor to come. I felt a pair of eyes sometime later and looked up to see a grinning youngster, which was the good friend. Being the polite kid that I am, I acknowledged the smile and returned to whatever it was that I did. I’ll never know the reason behind this (and will never ask him), but the moment he entered the room, he chose the seat next to me. As for the sister, I met her during the barbecue event organized by the law school. I can’t remember whether I was queuing with someone else, but I remember my conversation being interrupted by a hyper child (the sister). One thing led to another and we shared classes (or at least the ones for the core courses) for the remaining years.