We’re entering a new decade in a couple of hours’ time. For some, it marks a new beginning. Maybe the start of a relationship or a shared life. For some, it marks the death of something. For some, it marks the continuation of something. In short, it has an element of the unknown for everyone.
Speaking of a new beginning, I’ve never been one to celebrate - or even welcome the new year with a bang or with fireworks. As far as memory serves me, I’m forever left to my own devices and would tune out the celebrations by doing my own things. This can range from catching up on my favorite drama series on TV or even procaffeinate. Yes, procaffeinate. You read that right.
If I’m honest, I expected that the last day of 2019 would end on a more fruitful note, i.e. me being able to clear the files instead of carrying all of it into the new year. *shrugs* Unfortunately, it’s not meant to be - especially when there were last minute arrangements to deal with things. I’m not whining that the shortened office hours is a bad thing. It is a good thing, especially when the chance to leave for home early doesn’t come often. But I felt like I was working against time to ensure that everything was done and dusted, leaving me with no chance to focus on other paperwork.
Here’s to hoping that 2020 would be a much better year than 2019 for everyone.
This is me signing out - and see you on the flipside!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Sunday, December 8, 2019
12/8/2019
The irony of the month is that I didn’t want anyone to know when my birthday was - or for anyone to celebrate it on my behalf. What’s worse is the knowledge that birthday wishes are no longer important. If there are wishes, there are wishes. If there’s none, there’s none.
Life doesn’t just revolve around this. After all, I need to focus on other grave matters too.
I also haven’t been in the mood for a celebratory session since … forever. When my college friends threw a birthday surprise, I felt a mixture of annoyance and gratitude at their actions. I don’t know if you concur with me, but I feel that birthdays are mere reminders that we’re all a year older and running on limited time to make our dreams come true.
Yet I slipped away to my favorite coffeehouse and spent the hour with coffee and cake next to me - alone. I guess that’s the beauty of working in a centralized area where you’ve a choice in F&B outlets. The place wasn’t crowded at my chosen time, which permitted enough personal space for me to stew and release the work stress. If I’m honest, it’s not easy to concentrate on your paperwork when everyone wants a piece of you but not in a respectful manner. *blows the top of my fringe* I’ve received calls that pushed me over the edge and forced me to adopt a strict and insistent tone (that almost went into sarcasm). I’ve also received sarcastic calls that threatened to blow my head off. Coupled with the emotional stress behind the scenes, there will come a day when I’ll crash and burn.
On a side note, the Christmas decorations are slowly making its yearly appearance at the shopping malls, albeit with a different aura than last year. Chances are unlikely for me to purchase all of the items on my wish list due to the emotional stress, but at least window shopping gives my brain a temporary break from work. I’m able to breathe in the dazzling decorations and take a chill pill instead of wondering about the unfinished paperwork all the time. Yes, you read it right: I think about work on the downtime too. *shrugs*
If I have a choice, I’d work overtime and on the weekends - but I think my office management wouldn’t be pleased with me not having a work-life balance. Come to think of it, I already have a freelancing career that I balance with my primary employment. Don’t worry, both positions are in different fields than each other.
Whoever said that blogging isn’t a job should give it a go.
Life doesn’t just revolve around this. After all, I need to focus on other grave matters too.
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| Garden pots at a friend's balcony |
Yet I slipped away to my favorite coffeehouse and spent the hour with coffee and cake next to me - alone. I guess that’s the beauty of working in a centralized area where you’ve a choice in F&B outlets. The place wasn’t crowded at my chosen time, which permitted enough personal space for me to stew and release the work stress. If I’m honest, it’s not easy to concentrate on your paperwork when everyone wants a piece of you but not in a respectful manner. *blows the top of my fringe* I’ve received calls that pushed me over the edge and forced me to adopt a strict and insistent tone (that almost went into sarcasm). I’ve also received sarcastic calls that threatened to blow my head off. Coupled with the emotional stress behind the scenes, there will come a day when I’ll crash and burn.
On a side note, the Christmas decorations are slowly making its yearly appearance at the shopping malls, albeit with a different aura than last year. Chances are unlikely for me to purchase all of the items on my wish list due to the emotional stress, but at least window shopping gives my brain a temporary break from work. I’m able to breathe in the dazzling decorations and take a chill pill instead of wondering about the unfinished paperwork all the time. Yes, you read it right: I think about work on the downtime too. *shrugs*
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| Cookies & Cream Tiramisu with Ice Blended Pure Vanilla from Coffee Bean |
Whoever said that blogging isn’t a job should give it a go.
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
12/03/2019
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| Somewhere en-route to the airport before sunrise |
You long for someone to understand you.
Someone to assure you that all would be well.
Someone to hold your hand along the way.
A home where you can rest your heart.
The light in your eyes have dimmed.
Your shoulders are hunched forward,
Drained of hopes and dreams.
You drag your feet,
Pushing against the weight of the world.
Each step is heavier than a brick,
With melancholy weakening your mind.
The path of darkness lulls you with its soothing voice,
The afterlife becoming the goal.
A perfect remedy for your pain.
A part of you wants to be saved.
Dusk being replaced by light,
You still hold the hope for a savior.
Someone to be there with you.
Someone who is there with you.
Sunday, December 1, 2019
12/01/2019
Now that the year is drawing to a close, I'm somewhat relieved that I have a bit of breathing space to clear the backlog that has accumulated in my paperwork. This is the result of being a newbie and having to waddle my way through unfamiliar territories. It's still familiar in some ways, but not for the most part.
I don't know; at least my work life has some positive aspects attached to it - unlike my personal life and emotions, which are still in the mud. All I desire now is to throw myself into work as much as I can - even if it means a nervous breakdown or burnout. Exhaustion is thick in the air with me wanting to ignore everyone and plug out the phone line from its socket.
The lunch hour is there for a reason yet I’m continuously against the idea of catching a meal outdoors and have a change of environment. I’m working through the lunch hour most of the time - unless I’m confident that the paperwork doesn’t warrant enough urgency for me to do that. It’d mean that I’m working for straight hours and nursing frequent headaches at the end of the day without the valuable break while toying with the idea of popping Panadol tablets.
In an attempt to keep the stress at bay, I decided to throw everything to the backburner and window-shop at my favorite stores. Yeah, I know it’s the season of giving and I should treat myself, but I still won’t. I’d rather hide under the blanket and sleep through day and night to allow my exhausted soul to recuperate. The irony is that I know what has caused my soul to feel this way but I haven’t taken steps to deal with it.
So, maybe it’s the period where I should learn to relax and take a chill pill - instead of being frazzled and walking on a thin line while resembling someone about to crash and burn.
I don't know; at least my work life has some positive aspects attached to it - unlike my personal life and emotions, which are still in the mud. All I desire now is to throw myself into work as much as I can - even if it means a nervous breakdown or burnout. Exhaustion is thick in the air with me wanting to ignore everyone and plug out the phone line from its socket.
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| A shop selling teddy bears in Sunway Pyramid |
In an attempt to keep the stress at bay, I decided to throw everything to the backburner and window-shop at my favorite stores. Yeah, I know it’s the season of giving and I should treat myself, but I still won’t. I’d rather hide under the blanket and sleep through day and night to allow my exhausted soul to recuperate. The irony is that I know what has caused my soul to feel this way but I haven’t taken steps to deal with it.
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| Hari Raya Celebration at Sunway Pyramid |
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