Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A metamorphosis?

Dear readers,

Have you ever taken the time out to reflect on your life's journey thus far? Or, have you wondered how things would be if you had/ hadn't taken the other path (also known as the plan B)?

The abovementioned questions resurfaced after the tele-conversation with the English classmate that I pondered on the past that shaped me into the person I am today. To be honest, it's been years since I've actually allowed myself to contemplate on the choices I've made because it's too miserable for me. Now, I'm however more than willing to admit that although there are faint traces of my gregariousness (to the point where the opposite gender may misinterpret it as flirtatious), I'm more reserved with my feelings and thoughts.

I filter the words that I choose to say.

I'd rather hold back on the topics of the conversation, remaining on safe grounds instead.

And practically not many people are able to decipher the inner workings of my mind, which is what I've always longed for. I don't want to be someone whose brain is as lucid as the clear, spring water... the time after graduation up until recently returned me the sanity to rethink the decisions I've concluded in the past year. Some were with no regrets (thankfully!); some with the deepest contrition that involved broken hearts and dashed hopes (yikes!)

A particularly striking one has been resting in the mental psyche. While I don't regret meeting the person, I am repentant for what transpired after that.

If I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, why did I delve head-first into it?

It's all part of life; words shall no longer chip away at the shield I've build around me. What's best for me at the current moment is to strive hard for the major come February and excel in all of the classes, becoming the person that I am capable of turning into (something similar to what Ammar tweeted once or twice, I guess?)

Monday, September 22, 2014

Tuesday's Story #9

Author's Note: I can't believe that this copy actually took a week for me to compile all of the pointers and combine it into one short story. Oh, man, how am I going to cope with the endless case analyses in university then? I wanted to slot in a drawing of an individual standing on her balcony of the fifth floor of Summer Villa Condominium and pondering on her thoughts while overlooking the pond aptly nicknamed "Lake View", but let's just say things didn't fall into place.

Harboring the desire to purge the betrayal from her heart, she acted on instinct and drove to the hills, carefully managing the bends that curved around the road. She was driving on auto-pilot as her mind wandered off to better moments in life. As much as she suppressed the rising memories of the past, it rose with the fury of an uncontrollable flame and it left her emotionally uneasy.
    The hype that surrounded the area on weekend mornings had already subsided upon her arrival; there were still people walking up and down, ready to begin their exercise regime or ravenous for a well-deserved breakfast at the nearby cafe. The cold showers did its part to reduce the activity converting the highlands from its breathing normalcy to an eerie, silent path into the jungle. Permeating the air, on the other hand, was the increasing condensation that threatened to block her vision of the road ahead. She pulled her cardigan even tighter and braved her way in; the back of her mind being lucid about the ever-looming presence of the family of slithery sly.
    The gloomy weather did nothing to soothe her crying heart; the serenity, in fact, added more salt to the wound, making her more miserable and feeling worse than when she first arrived. She emerged from the forest an hour and a half later and wanted to break down in a crying episode alone in the car, but she willed herself to stay strong and focus on her next task, which was to satiate her voracious appetite. She decided to browse her favorite nearby haunts after purchasing a moderate-sized cup of café latte from the famous coffeehouse and slowly sipped the hot drink while waiting for her bestie to arrive; they were scheduled to have a round of breakfast and (more) coffee at the shopping mall.
    Just as she was about to enter the Iranian shop selling fruits and nuts to purchase a packet of cranberries for her mother, Magenta's heart skipped a beat when she saw someone who looked familiar; she couldn't quite place who the person was. This chap seated on the foldable chair was blessed with the same features and hairstyle as the ex-friend; those sparkly round black eyes and that unique smile made her uncomfortable being in the shop longer than necessary yet she felt drawn to stay back and strike a conversation with him. The gleam in his eyes instantly brought her to the memories of the past.
    "Don't apologize." He forced a smile. "It's not your fault that we don't have mutual feelings for each other, my dear. Everything has its time and place in life. I can only sigh and rest my fate."
    "Please don't say it like that," Magenta pleaded. "You know I'll feel really bad."
    "But it's the truth. Nevertheless, please promise me that you'll live your life a happier person than you are now."
    Sensing that she was losing him as a close friend, she hugged him tightly without answering him and mentally absorbing the final moments with him, knowing that she'll have to treasure their beautiful friendship forever.
    Just as she thought that she could make that leap and mend the awkward feeling with him, she received news that he moved on with another lass barely six months after their last encounter. She didn't want to believe it partly because she wanted him to be with the girl that he deserved, not some chick off somewhere due to desperation; it wasn't until she saw pictures of him with his new girlfriend being all lovey-dovey and hearing about her perfect demeanor from mutual friends that Magenta accepted the news and rested her case.
    Yet, it bothered her now as much as it did back then because there was still unresolved business between them both. She forced herself to look away, bringing herself back to the present and paying for the items that her mother needed. As she smiled her thanks and departed the store, she accidentally exchanged eye contact with him. It felt so much like him. A part of her even wanted to think that it was the ex-friend and that he flew in from Chicago for a summer visit without informing her beforehand, but the rational side of her concluded it was merely his clone, not him. The shop assistant confirmed it by acknowledging that the young chap was her boss's son helping out for the day.
    Deep in her heart, however, she still wished if it was her ex-friend. There were too many questions that she needed answers to and things that she wanted to ask him.

Friday, September 19, 2014

I is very the belly schleepy

Title translation: I am very, very sleepy (it's more like the child in me speaking...)

Oh, wait! ✋

Before I forget, something funny happened earlier in the afternoon. After catching hold of Mr. Layng at the staircase between levels 4 and 5 to pass him something, I flew down to level 3 to find Ms. Skura while being on the phone with Shaney concurrently. We were like agreeing to meet each other on the ground floor before a quick lunch with the remaining legs of the gang.

See, there is nothing more comfortable than being with the friends from one's own batch, I suppose.

When I exited the fire exit, I swear, I heard a familiar voice squealing on the phone and behind me. I had to turn to see who it was and found the three of them (Shaney and the "bears" - Teddy and Husky) waiting for the elevator and breaking out in a wave of surprise and laughter. As it turned out, the one shrieking was Husky because he couldn't believe his ears; he heard my footsteps and voice becoming louder as I approached level 3 as well as on Shaney's cell.

Talk about the beauty of turning up unannounced! 😅

I don't know why, but every time I return for a visit, there's always something new to discover as a graduated senior. Although someone warned me that the indoor unit for the air conditioner in the lounge finally blew out, I didn't quite believe it until I saw three industrial fans in the room. That's sighting number 1. Sighting number 2 was the acquainted students loitering outside CPU will have a tough time recognizing me if I enter the building while wearing my favorite oversized sunglasses.

What the hell? Does it however illustrate that they can't address me because my name slipped their minds in that point?

Well, I'm not sure, but nah, *shrugs*, it doesn't matter anymore.

I'm just too curious. =P

On the contrary, I've been feeling extremely uptight as of late for unknown reasons and chose to take a run around the neighborhood to disperse the amassed negative emotions. I know that there are some neighbors who jog without listening to music (I've seen them around), but for me, if I want to vent my emotions through exercise, I need music and in the lines of Eminem and A7X to boost the speed. 😵 😱 I still remember how I use to write that badminton is my favorite sport and such, but running seems to present another benefit in the form of relieving the soul of its worries, you know. The wind is blowing in my face while the supposed cool (it all depends on the time and temperature) air that I'm breathing is coating the body with warmth. The best part? I forget all of the worries even if it's momentarily.

It's nothing much; for starters, however, it seems okay and it's extremely grave if I push myself over the comfortable limit. 😰

After listening to my Media Arts classmate's mixture of two songs, my hands were tempted to give it a go on Au and experience the result. If the melody is soothing to my ears, I could custom make a phone and message ringtones for my cell. 😂

Hell, I'm not referring to the Chemistry's periodic table where Au equals gold.

Let's just say that it wasn't a pleasing experiment; it gave me a temporary headache, although the subjects of the conduct test were two comforting classical music.

And on that accord, I shall take my leave before the rain suddenly interrupts with the Internet connection.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


My acquaintance would always cringe whenever he sees me because he knows I'm floating in wave of worries, be it over the minute matters or the important issues. Yet, it's been ingrained in me; I fear that things won't be executed according to plan and honestly speaking, it's driving me insane.

I must need to learn to take things easy and one step at a time.

With that, I'm not going to chase the folks for a response this week because I don't want to overload myself anymore. Since I'm practically glued to the floor while waiting for them to revert, why not jump at the chance for some brief respite?

Monday, September 15, 2014

I'm turning around....

For reasons that I'll rather not divulge, we were in the city centre for an extended meeting with a longtime acquaintance. Based on previous sessions, we suspected that it'll be lengthy and encroach into our dinnertime and chose to eat at the nearby Pavilion's food court, Food Republic.

We've been here at least twice, so deciding on what to eat was an easy feat.

In the end, we settled for a sizzling bowl of dolsot bibambap (another version of the specialty). A quick research with Wikipedia revealed that it's the Korean version of our Chinese economy rice; it's quite a healthy dish, if you ask me, with the 7 colors of vegetables, fermented items and the minimum usage of sauces (soya sauce being the main choice?)

(I've found a trick on tackling the dish without burning my tongue, which is to allow it to cool down under the air-conditioned food court)

Teochew Mama would've bought another plate of char koay teow if there weren't any time constraints; our acquaintance is someone who stresses heavily on punctuality, a trait that I admire and applaud. I can't believe that even when we were pressured for time, she swerved to the little booth, Kurtos Spiroll, selling a Hungarian delicacy called kürtős kalács after being attracted by its presentation before purchasing the Nutella Walnut flavor. (To be honest, I was never thinking on writing about our modest dinner/dessert until she told the sales assistant that I'll be doing so.)

I actually cringed because I've eaten Nutella for toast out of curiosity in a friend's house and still remember the uncomfortable feeling of my teeth being coated with a layer of sweetness. Lo and behold, my suspicions were confirmed the moment I took the first bite. I was greeted not by the aromatic taste of the dough but the overwhelming aftertaste of chocolate; it even overpowered the subtle oomph of the crunchy walnut. But I know it's only just me with a sensitive palate; the taste is already perfectly balanced to accommodate the appetite of the general public.

Surprisingly, the dessert still remained fresh when I attempted to finish the remainder for supper with my mug of rolled oats.

I still have my moments when I struggle with my messed-up need to satiate the hunger. Still, I'm contemplating of buying this plus a couple of other flavors when I'm in Pavilion again, and who knows I'll be able to do an actual food review of kürtős kalács then?

We'll see about that. ^^

To be honest, no matter how exhausted I was from the journey, I couldn't fall asleep in the car because I wanted to watch the roads that guide us home being illumined at night and the seemingly mundane buildings being lit up with neon lights.

I know we should've slept in instead of arising earlier to catch some exercise at the hills after two consecutive late nights. To be honest, I'm pretty accustomed to it although I'll sleepily (and figuratively) roll myself down the bed and risk injuring my ankles or worse case scenario, the spine.

A shower and change of attire later, we were in Empire Subang to browse Uniqlo as the store was having their opening promotions. In addition, the autumn and winter climates of the Australian state I'll be in is similar to that of Auckland's, which practically requires me to purchase more winter clothes, especially hoodies and vests. The ones Teochew Mama bought from the Paradigm Mall branch two Decembers ago aren't enough either.

Oh, boy. =.="

It took us about 2 hours to settle with the necessary attire and it wasn't until a little after 6 that I was able to catch some rest when we returned home.  

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Do You Understand My Sorrow?

Although my mental psyche was exhausted from the amount of matters that required my utmost attention as of late, my mind was still alert when my acquaintance wept over the phone, ranting on me her fears and worries.

The succeeding free verse is written based on the contents of our tele-conversation and from what I've observed when we were together. It won't sound smooth because it was done at the spur of the moment without any corrections made.... plus I need to practice more before I can pen any more heartfelt odes.

In the quiet corner that I sit,
I huddle against the wall in the deafening silence.
My eyes are pressed against my palms,
As I force myself to remain a tough cookie.
Yet here I am, shedding those tears.
With each cold drop, it slices my heart even more.
The invisible stab wounds bleed me dry;
It is leaving me incapable of emotions.
Your laugh, I can still hear its croakiness.
Your smile, it is ingrained in my mind.
Your words, they are a soothing melody to my ears.
I am suffocating under this wave of hurt,
But my face betrays not my feelings.
Under the peace of the summer's night,
Save for the cricket's hum,
I cried buckets' worth for you and no one else.
Oblivious to your gregarious approach,
I extremely care for you, even more than myself.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

20 Facts About Me (Blogger Version)

Before I begin, the one I'm posting here will slightly differ from the facts that I've posted on Facebook and Instagram because there are personal details of mine that should not be exposed to the blogging world.

And so, after Kaveeta, Alicia and Krissy all nominated me to do this through the abovementioned platforms, I figured that I'll extend a copy here, in case you are curious about me.

1) I drink wine. Cherry red wine is my favorite.
2) Music is my life.
3) It sounds awfully ridiculous, but I always fool myself into believing that I'm drinking beer or vodka (never had either and won't be touching it) when it's just plain water that I'm having.
4) I used to write song lyrics and poetry for fun.
5) Speaks Mandarin but barely know how to write in it.
6) Listens to rap, rock, pop and country in addition to gospel.
7) I had a stubborn streak when I was younger (I want means I want; I don't care!!!)
8) I'm a coffee lover. I have drank 4 cups for two straight days (blame it on the weight of my subjects in 1st semester) and am willing to do it again.
9) Am still a Barbie fan - even at this age, after all these years.
10) I love to bake. That's a pretty common fact by now, but I don't harbor the intention of obtaining the Culinary Arts Degree from Lakeside.
11) Plays badminton, but am picking up table tennis.
12) Running is my method for facing stress and angst. It's like when I run, I feel free.
13) Friends to me are like my family, related not by blood but through hobbies and life/fate.
14) My favorite author's Nicholas Sparks.
15) I was once a TVC talent and a director's apple.
16) The stage is my (second) home. There's nowhere that I feel more comfortable than there, below the bright lights and drawing the confidence from the audience.
17) While Mama Carrie is the photographer in the family and Papa Carrie is the reader, I consider myself to be the writer.
18) Not artistically inclined.
19) Nothing brightens my day than to see the smiles radiating in the eyes of my friends. Ohana!
20) Loves American/World History and Law.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Post-Attack Lunch

2 eggs, beaten
1 Tbsp sesame oil (I used the one that Mama Carrie bought from Taiwan last Deepavali)
1 Tbsp tomato sauce (I used the brand called "Newman's Own")
1 cup of overnight spiral pasta
A pinch of pepper
A pinch of salt
A pinch of bread crumbs (I used the one bought from last year's Australia)


Turn the gas to medium low.
Coat the pasta with the tomato sauce.
Dish out onto a serving plate.
Beat the eggs and mix with the bread crumbs.

Pour the batter in a preheated and oiled pan.
Cook the egg batter on medium low fire until there are no more bubbles.

Serve the pan-fried egg on top of the pasta

The final result. (I know the presentation is terrible, please forgive me on that)

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Are you aware of my noticeable absence?

"You won't understand the decisions that I have made, but you will when you are in my shoes and at my age."

It's always proven itself to be true; even though not too many chums were able to comprehend the reasons behind it, I've always attributed it to the fact that they'll only fathom it at a later time. We are all from the same kind, but how we think and behave differ from each other when we're experiencing a situation. If you're a legal student or familiar with the ins and outs of the judicial system, it's something like the reasonable person test that the Courts will use while indicting or acquitting the defendant.

Now that matriculation is a thing of the past, it's about time that I stand in front of the campfire and burn the microscopic slides of bittersweet memories that were amassed over the moments, breathing a sigh of relief at each of it being melted away. I envision myself undergoing that process, but to successfully extinguish all copies of it would require an indefinite amount of time... like how I sporadically had flashbacks of Jeremy and Bya and struggled to face it in the eye.

Plus, I know myself; ingrained in me is someone who has forgotten how to have fun while chasing after the academic grades. To aggravate matters, this person is more than willing to throw friendships to the backburner if it means attaining her goals. I'm not lying; Shaney's the character witness and she'll attest to every word that I just spoke.

In this case, how I am to reduce the hurt if I'm swimming down this route? I don't know how many buckets worth of regrets I'll create upon university graduation... I was flipping through the yearbook in boredom before dinner, carefully missing out certain pages with intention while listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D on my cell and reading the farewell messages that my peers - juniors and fellow seniors alike - penned. Some brought me to laughter (especially the quick sketch of a very chubby blue cat); some made me sad not because I was no longer with them but to know that they actually want to continue the friendship into the future is rather touching. I learned concurrently that while they understood my ambitions, they wanted me to take five and have fun sporadically or I was sliding head-on down into a path of self-destruction, where I'll sacrifice my mental and physical health. Reflecting on it, it was quite shocking; the more I attempted to mask my academic stress, the more it leaked out through my eyes without me being aware of it. The classical music, however, yanked from the ashes the flashbacks from the recent graduation as well; the details, I'm not going to elaborate on it because it's been unwittingly shredded into pieces.

But the million dollar question lingering on my mind is: shall I make the necessary pit stops before breathing life into that plan? Truth be told, I harbor the desire to pack the bags and depart in the silence without a sentence's worth of notice, but once I do that, I can foresee a lot of broken hearts and displeased glares behind my back.

Sigh, why am I feeling this way?
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