Monday, April 30, 2012

cheesetal: Life's Greatest Lesson

cheesetal: Life's Greatest Lesson: People have told me before that, "You can trust anyone, completely." Theoretically, everyone is granted the ability to do so; to have c...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Random Thoughts #1

What else do you see in the picture other than the obvious fact that it is a hibiscus flower? What image does the picture brings to you?

Me, I see friendships that have blossomed and later withered away with time and distance.

I see family ties being permanently severed no thanks to ingratitude and insistence of letting go of everything. [Papa Carrie, mark my words. You know your girl; when she said it, she really meant it because she could no longer be a gummy bear, allowing relatives to squeeze her - left and right, top and bottom.]

Credits to Healthy for the image.

She's tired of fielding off questions that should be instead redirected to Mama Carrie; reticence is her current wish as she feels that one should only ask her if they are concerned and not merely being busybodies to gossip about it behind her back about how she's being such a useless kid for not planning in advance.

She is who she is, alright? She answers for her behavior/character to no one but to her parents; she regards them as the only people whom she could trust as she knows that the Carries will support her and have her back - no matter what.

Mama Carrie believes in one thing: God has their girl's plans all worked out, but she has to learn from her own mistakes and regrets to move on, stay true to the right path and unearth what His plans for her are. 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Clearance, clearance - Pt. 2

Candide by Voltaire

Selling: RM 10
Condition: well-maintained, used strictly for history/literature lessons
Reason(s) for selling: no intention of bringing it abroad with me

Selling: RM 20
Condition: considered new, have never read it before
Reason(s) for selling: the owner (Papa Carrie) bought it on impulse

Selling: RM 5
Condition: well-maintained, bought it as second-hand
Reason(s) for selling: no intention of bringing it abroad with me

Selling: RM 5
Condition: well-maintained, bought it as second-hand
Reason(s) for selling: no intention of bringing it abroad with me

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Selling: RM 10
Condition: well-maintained, used strictly for history/literature lessons
Reason(s) for selling: no intention of bringing it abroad with me

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Clearance, clearance

Selling: RM 5
Condition: considered new, have never read it before
Reason(s) for selling: the owner (Papa Carrie) bought it on impulse

Selling: RM 12.
Condition: considered new, have never read it before
Reason(s) for selling: the owner (Papa Carrie) bought it on impulse

Should there be any inquiry (including methods of payment and delivery), feel free to tweet me at @thetempremental.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Standing there, nostalgia about the past lingering in the air

It definitely has to be one of the best places that I've ever been to but I had a problem with the weather. Being so close to the water, it should be cooling to the soul and not the opposite.

Spending only a night there is never enough, but each night spent there will burn a hole in the wallet even deeper.

It's terrible to remember everything that had happened on that day whenever this song is played. The conversation with Mama Carrie on the drive home. The conversation with Bya on Skype about love and its aftermath.

Sunday, April 22, 2012


I don't know if it was fit to call it a shopping mall because there was no resemblance to it and it wasn't a community center either.

I saw a family of four with the children obediently walking in front of the parents, who were holding hands and deeply in love when we passed them by on ground floor parking level. Although we were early, all the parking bays had been taken up but I had my companion drive straight to a particular row where all the bays had been reserved for the important guests and the organizer had so kindly reserved one for us. Not only that; he even reserved the best seats for us.

There was a makeshift stage at the very front of the sound-proof room and leather chairs with armrests were arranged in such a way that it was neither cluttered nor squashed. I had to play the part of an usherette, guiding people to any vacant seats and bringing out additional plastic chairs for those latecomers while my companion remained seated, killing the time on his smartphone.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

An Issued Statement

For the fear of this particular post being used against me to portray me in a negative light, I shall not reveal too much online.

Whatever I had mentioned about academia, not all were made up of facts. It was true that I was still deciding on the campus when I had mentioned it but the reason given has something more to it than meets the eye.

To those of you who felt betrayed and hurt by my sudden admission, I’m truthfully sorry for having made you feel this way. I had stayed away from the truth because I knew that it would’ve brought me three things: unwanted pity, unwanted questions and embarrassment among everyone, which I couldn't handle as it'd reflect badly on the Carries, who've done a good job in raising their daughter. I can understand and won't blame you if you choose to sever all ties with me because of this.

I’m not going to answer any more questions related to academia, so please, please don’t bother dropping me a comment or asking me personally about it. I'm really, really tired of answering the questions and no, I won’t tell the whole world, but only a selected few and only when it's as finalized as embedded stones...

I really do hope you'll understand the situation that I'm currently in and not add more salt to my (already deep) wounds.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Issues, issues and nothing but issues

Matter #1: I can't comprehend it, seriously. I mean, I had known that it'd be that mundane and that long, but there was no way out for me. When Mama Carrie means it, she means it. I'd have swallowed it with a pinch of salt if it weren't for the arrangement of the segments and the language used. I’m not a linguist, for Pete’s sake!

Matter #2: Excuse me, what's up with my luck? Why am I always running into a particular person - I'll address this person as 'Mr. M' - whom I'd rather have nothing with?

It's best left as it is, familiar strangers who once had a past.

Matter #3: Something’s wrong, terribly wrong, I know it and I can feel it. I don’t want to be stuck in one place with no chance of expanding my wings in a grassier area. I prefer to let nature takes its course but with the time ticking louder and louder by the day, desperation is real strong in the atmosphere.

I’ll have to – and need to – seek solace in God’s arms and beg – no, plead – for His Mercy and Help as a way to save my sanity and if my only hope goes up in flames, I think I’m as good as dead or even worse, permanently planted in a place that I no longer want to be in with no sense of direction for the future. I should’ve stayed back instead of returning here in the first place.

Things would have totally been different, I know.

Tough luck? Methinks not. It’s more like a failure in planning, and life would be different if we’ve not made certain decisions.

Thinking back, I am regretting all of it. Big time.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Second Chance

She had returned home from work a couple of weeks ago, on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. The stress from her workplace coupled with the news of his newly-found love spreading around their separate friends had done its part in distorting her emotions. She sat on the garden chair in the balcony with the whole bottle of her favorite brand of red wine and soon found herself emptying the bottle while in deep tears.
    He had returned from his own workplace a couple of hours ago and noticed that the balcony doors had been left wide opened and it was only when he went to close it that he noticed her sleeping on the chair with the empty wine bottle next to her on the table.
    With a sigh, he carefully lifted her off the chair and brought her to her room, where he made sure that she was comfortable in her bed and pulled the cover over her. She had looked so peaceful, so peaceful that it almost cracked his heart. He stood at the door, wondered what had caused her drinking spell as she had never drank so much alcohol unless there was something bothering her and sighed before he closed the door shut.
    It wasn’t until now that he realized that her drinking spell had most likely been caused by him.

He caught hold of her arm and stopped her. “Wait,” he said. “I don’t care if you don’t want to listen to me, but I must tell you that I broke up with Mika this morning because I realized that it is you that I truly love.”
    “Why are you telling me this?” she asked. “You should’ve given me a thought before you embarked on the relationship with Mika. Don’t you think it’s too little too late to change anything?”
    She pushed his hand away, shook her head and softened her tone. “Truth be told, I’m damn disappointed and I’m unsure if I really can trust you anymore. If you could do such at thing, I don’t know what else you are capable of –”
    Without saying anything, he reached out to her and took the plunge and stole her first kiss, which made her limp and surprised.

She eventually sunk into him and in a deep embrace, reciprocated the kiss even though her eyes were wet. It reminded her of that part of her life when she learned seven months ago from a third party, not from him or from Mika herself but from a third party, someone unrelated, about the whole secret relationship, not knowing back then that was a couple of hands forcing and pushing him into the fire, hoping to melt and destroy his close friendship with her.
    It was because of this reason why she carefully and secretly planned her escape to a familiar territory 3,800 miles away.
    If only he had been honest with her in the beginning, neither would she have been sarcastic or cold to him when he caught her at the eleventh hour at the boarding area nor would she have made herself drunk, killing so many brain cells in that moment. It was not anger that she felt now, but mere disappointment that in a way to get back at everyone, he chose to play with the hearts of two girls, hers and Mika’s.
    She summoned the courage and pushed him away at an arm’s distance. “No,” she spoke. “It’s coming real too fast and I need my time to grasp it all. I don’t want us to rush into a relationship just because we’ve kissed and have feelings for each other.”
    He cupped her shoulders. “I’m sure about it.”
    “But I need time to put your relationship with Mika behind me. You know how much hurt that brought me.”
    He remained silent for he didn’t know what to say. She was right, he admitted to himself. In a rebellious moment, he had forgotten that his actions would’ve caused grave hurt to his love and the lady his parents wanted to be their daughter-in-law and both their parents.
    “And I just can’t believe it,” she continued. “It is only when I’m leaving your life and leaving everything that I have going on for me to start anew that you realize how important I am to you. Wow, that’s cruel.”
    “I’m sorry,” was all he found himself saying.
    “If we’re sure that we want each other and explored the unexplored stage in our friendship, fine, our friendship shall be given a chance to blossom into a real relationship but if not, we’re best suited as friends.” She laid a peck on his cheek. “Until then, be safe and take care.”

    It was three weeks later that she returned home to the condo unit that she had shared with him for the past couple of years. Their decision had set tongues wagging on both sides. He as a close friend in need of assistance and she was the only one whom he could trust, but they feared nothing since there had been nothing going on between them in secret. That was all in the past. She was sure of what she wanted and left it at that.
    She could hear the sound of the door unlocking at the turn of her key and carefully allowed herself inside the unit with her luggage as it was two in the morning on a Saturday and crashed on her bed the moment she entered her room. The ten hour direct flight had sucked the life and zapped the energy out of her.
    It didn’t take long for them to become a couple and although they had tried to keep it a secret until they were at a stage where it was stable enough to reveal to the whole world, it was an open secret among their group of mutual friends, who had saw the sparks and chemistry that the couple exuded...

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Easter of 2012

Note: this is a scheduled post.

I had given Holy Thursday a miss because of two reasons; one was because [she] had returned home late and the other was because I had read online that "attendance is encouraged but not compulsory."

As usual, the afternoon service of Good Friday was our choice but I kind of regretted for not arriving a little earlier as all the parking bays had been taken up by the time we had arrived, which was, like, an hour before the start of the service.


When the service had ended 3 1/2 hours later, my knees had ached from all the kneeling and I was exhausted to my core. No wonder I thought I had heard loud sighs among the congregation; it has never ended that late last year. I wished that I didn't have to spend such a long time there, but it's either that or I fight back the fatigue at the night service.

The reason why we chose to attend the Day Mass is because the last Easter Vigil we attended had ended real late and neither one of us can sit through a baptism. Unless one can drag oneself out of bed and arrive at Church on time on Easter Sunday, I think attending the Vigil would be just as fine.

It was because of Good Friday that we squeezed in the hill walk on Easter Sunday. I found myself up a little after the break of dawn and rushing to prepare a simple breakfast for us.

I tell you, today’s one of the bad days that I have had.The traffic light at our residence decided to screw itself up, never giving the cars the green light to move until some gave up and took a longer way and others made an illegal U-turn.

Since we made it home with ample time to spare, I guess we’ll try to make it a habit from now on. Battling the weekday morning traffic from my area can be torturous – big time!

The Mass was pretty much the same as the normal one except that the Gloria made its return with the ringing bells, which clouded my eyes and lowered the music by so many tones that I had difficulties catching the rhythm of it. My mood however was quickly ruined by the kid of about three seated behind me and when the Gloria was being sung, the kid had the cheek to speak louder and louder.

If it is mere whispers with soft cries, I still can force myself to bear with it because I know that young children cry for a reason, which the parents must uncover and at all costs avoid a noise disturbance.

Parents, if you intend to bring your young children for Mass, please, I beg you, teach them to be obedient in Mass and bring them outside immediately the moment they are crying and ask them whether there is something bothering them. If they are noisy, please also bring them outside and have a word with them.

Don’t just sit there like a fool, unsure of your next move as it’s unfair that everyone has to bear with the noise disturbance when we are all trying to concentrate on the Mass.

Patience has its limit.

Sheesh, why did I rattle about children instead? Enough about it; it's either my blood will boil again or you'll be rolling your eyes in impatience and annoyance.

My thoughts on Easter? I'll save it for private conversations with my lovely, good friend and for those quiet moments with Him.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Flight Departures

Since we had four hours to spare before our flight departure, we agreed to kill an hour or two in the connected shopping mall. I browsed through the F&B area, hoping to grab an item or two to nibble on on-board and found a familiar tea store.

We congregated somewhere and waited in front of a random elevator to head for the bridge that led to the airport from the shopping mall. The elevator was narrow but it made up for the lack of space with quickness.

The sky was already dark when we reached the airport and went straight to the boarding area, waited to board our flight.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Green Tea-Infused Orange Cake

This is an egg-free, butter-free and lactose-free cake that I baked earlier today.

Feel free to replace the dark brown sugar with castor sugar but be aware that the flavor and color will change. A word of note, though. The texture of the cake will be tougher than the ones with butter or oil.

Sorry about the quality of the picture. I had used Mama Carrie's Sony Ericsson camera phone and still am unsure why it turned out that terrible.


1 cup buckwheat flour
3/4 cup maize flour
4 1/2 cups cake flour
2 tsp green tea powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
4 Tbsp dark brown sugar
the zest and juice of 4 medium-sized orange


Oil a 15-inch x 10-inch x 2-inch oblong baking dish and set aside.
Sift the flour, sugar and add the orange zest.
Add baking powder and baking soda and green tea powder.
Stir well.
Add in the orange juice.
Add in the green tea.
Fold in well with the dry ingredients.
Pour the batter into the baking dish.
Bake at 160C for 60 minutes.


I was online as usual, clearing my ever-growing email inbox and listening to Avenged Sevenfold when he dropped me a note on Skype. I wasn't surprised but I wasn't exasperated either. Being the polite me, I wrote something as a reply and we ended up exchanging photos and words that were in both Spanish and English.

Credits to for the image

I was informed later that KW and he had both liked a particular status of mine. Again, I was not surprised but it did strike me as odd because he is never an active user of Facebook.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Last Moments

She was about to enter the boarding area when she felt a vibration in the pocket of her trench coat and dug out her cell phone and paused to look at the caller ID. It surprised her that the call came from him and for a split second, she really had thought of ignoring the call and moving on with her plans but she decided to continue with the call anyway.
    "Look behind you," he replied.
    She turned back and went numb when she saw him.
    He ended the phone call and walked towards her. "Why did you leave so suddenly? There are things that we haven't clarified with each other, my dear."
    "What is there to be clear about? Hadn't my letter explain the reasons behind this decision of mine?"
    "But -"
    "No buts. You know me, I don't believe in 'buts'." She heaved a breath. "I don't want to know how Mika and you met each other because it matters no more. Did you know my heart bled each and every time she talked about you in that annoying lovely tone? I guess you won't because you will never know how it feels."
    "I didn't know that." He shook his head. "I'm so sorry."
    "I won't blame you or Mika because love is never a gentle game. I'm sorry, I've a flight to catch. I will forget this stage of my life and accept that it's over between us and I pray for the best for you and for her but I want you to remember that you've given me the best happiness and the worst heartbreak I could ever imagine."
    He swallowed, knew that there was a sour tang in her last words but he accepted that nothing could change her mind. "But before that, before you leave, would you allow me to embrace you one last time as your close friend and wish you the best of luck?"
    "Why not?"
    They exchanged one last hug and held tight a moment.
    He found himself saying, "I would really like to maintain our close friendship, but I'm so sorry that it has been drawn to an untimely end."
    "If it is in Fate's hands that we are to meet again," she replied, "we will, no matter what..." And with those last words, she turned her back to continue her journey.
    When she was sure she was away from him, she heaved a breath and gave way to the tears. She wished that she didn't have to throw the card into the fire and sacrifice herself, but ... she couldn't think of any more reason to stay in this town.

His eyes clouded as he watched her leaving him and throwing away their long friendship just like that. His knees went weak on him and he leaned against the wall for support as he silently cried, knew that he had gambled and failed in winning her back. It was because of him that she had suddenly became distant and cold. Someone different from the person that he had known since high school.
    A light went on in his head. And he ran as fast as he could past the crowd.
    He had to get it out of his chest. She had every right to know of the truth between them, between him and Mika. He wanted to get it out of his chest before it was too late or he was never going to be able to forgive himself.
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