Monday, March 31, 2014

Lovely Confidence

Credits to knaria for the image

When I look into your eyes,
I see nothing but your love.
Its invisibility is like the air that I breathe.
I can't live without it, without you.
Our love, it burns bright.
Like the campfire, it radiates.

When I look into your eyes,
Shooting out of it is courage.
Oh, my dear, we can conquer even the hardest challenge.
That is what you always say to me.
The heart to the body,
That's what you are to me.

When I look into your eyes,
The power of solace melts even the toughest metals.
Spiritual comfort engulfs me with the flame of fearlessness.
It fills the atmosphere with immense musical laughter.
Together, we can take on the world.

When I look into your eyes,
My dear, like a chewing gum,
Our love is unbreakable.
Thousands of miles may wedge us apart,
And it bleeds us to our core.
In faith, we shall mature.
In hope, we shall believe.
Trust is what holds us together.

When I look into your eyes,
Dancing in it is the sweet memories we made.
Remember that special night on my birthday?
We twirled to the soft, soothing song of cha-cha,
Enlightening the room with our presence.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Hear Us Out '12 Conference: Human Trafficking Workshop Promo Video

If you guys remember me casually mentioning about it, I was part of this conference in last semester's class of World Issues.

Come and support my friends who are organizing Hear Us Out 12! They will be covering a variety of issues that range from human trafficking to feminism. =) 

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Random, Random Rant

It's 12.55 am and here's a short passage that I mentally penned while catching lunch with the CPU mates.

"They said that time will never reveal the truth.
I refused to believe; I thought it is all lies and no talk.
It's now proven.
Time is not a fool; it knows everything.
It records all our moves,
Dissipates all emotions sustained."

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

CPU Pie Day - January 2014

Note: this post is published in advance. As of today, Ciana's busy doing her final revision for another test and burying her face in the pile of work.

* republished and expanded from The Student Voice article that I wrote*

When the long-awaited event of this semester arrived around the corner, most if not all of the students were hyped up about Pie Day, one of the many events organized by the Student Council to raise money for its chosen charity.

The juniors were more enthusiastic about it than the seniors.

As the clock approached three-thirty p.m., the students began to flock the ground floor of our campus in anticipation of watching the chosen "victims" being mercilessly pied at. While the plates of pies were being brought out from its hiding spot in no thanks to the intense scent of durians, the students searched for places which they reckoned were safe enough to watch from. There were incidents from past semesters where the innocent bystanders were unlucky to have bits and pieces of the creamy mixture of durian and ice-cream landing on them when the volunteers shook it off.

Those standing closest to the table could detect the strong aroma of durian as well.

I was one of them.

  • Mr. Fernando was next to take the seat and chose Mr. Moe. Seeing that they were both colleagues teaching Physics at CPU, Mr. Fernando took no offense at Mr. Moe, even though the plate was temporarily glued to his face by the pie’s sticky texture.
  • Ms. Cara was next and drawn from the list was her English student from the July 2013 intake, Cookie. After some last words from her, he left no mercy when he threw the pie at her and masked her face with it.
  • Mr. Mo’s eyes widened after Suk San’s name was announced as she took the plate, getting ready to fling it at him. Her accuracy was rather perfect; the plate landed on the middle of his face.
  • Mr. Loria was the final lecturer to be placed under the spotlight. Since he topped the list of lecturers, he was to be pied twice. He was first pied by Jeremy, which momentarily left him shocked and took time out to briefly wipe the cream off his face before allowing Shariff to follow in Jeremy’s actions. Shariff, however, took it to the next level, which left Mr. Loria silenced.
However, before passing the floor to the student volunteers, Ammar announced that there was a special request from the Head of Student Council, which was Mr. Loria himself, to pie Shariff. Right after Mr. Loria turned the tables, Hazel's name was drawn out of the hat.
  • Ammar's name was chosen and she prepared herself for it mentally and physically. He forced the pie on her to the point where even parts of her ponytail were coated with the cream. She took some time to regain her composure (I am not a 100% sure whether she was happy or shocked) while her friend, Michelle (who ended up being pied herself), helped to wipe the cream off Hazel's face and hair.
  • Cookie was next. Prior to Pie Day, he did casually mention that he wanted a specific someone to pie him but when he was asked to choose, Ms. Cara’s name arose, which terrified him slightly as he was the one who pied her. The look in his eyes was fear and suspense. Ms. Cara, seeing the opportunity, repeated what he did to her and softened his hair as well.
  • Shariff had to face the pie for the second time since he topped the votes for the students. Mr. Fernando was calculating on the angle of precision and accuracy before finally pieing Shariff.
The highlight of the day was, however, Jeremy being mercilessly dragged by Ammar and Kyle on the slippery floor to be pied by Richie and Michelle.

For the pictures, please visit the following albums:

  • CPU Pie Day: low resolution pictures; it was taken with a cell phone camera because I forgot to bring my digital camera and I don't have any DSLR at home.
  • Pie day 2014: High resolution pictures; credits to Darren for the DSLR pictures

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Torn Soul

It hurts when you don't look back,
Not even to say Goodbye.
The raindrops are piercing my heart.
I can feel its sharp blade
Slicing the core of my soul,
Dripping blood around the scene.
Is that rain clouding my vision?
Are those tears blinding me?

Like a candle in the dark,
That is who you are.
Your entrance brings nothing but radiance.
Smiles, it paints on our faces.
Your departure burned all traces of life.
We walk with a slouched back;
The grins curved downwards.
A lifeless being that we now are,
We are dead in our hearts

Friday, March 21, 2014


Credits to Mark Love Furniture for the image
After what seemed like an emotionally draining day, my eyes crashed on me at 1 am and instantly led me into Dreamland. The fact is, as the sunshine slowly showed its color at the break of dawn, I drifted between reality and dream. Whatever Mama Carrie asked, I muttered my coherent reply ... and pleaded for peace.

The dream that I dreamt was divided in three parts.

The first one, I barely remembered except that it was coated in tears. It's probably because I actually bawled before bed.

The second part of the dream, it was about our long-awaited return to USJ One Avenue Condo. Remember how I mentioned before that it felt like a second home to me? Because of unknown reasons in the dream, we visited the condo once again in so many years. Nothing about the area has changed much. While Mama Carrie spoke to an unacquainted resident, I walked around on the grassy lawn after abandoning my assignments on the garden table. The last thing I needed after an exhausting day on campus was to face my work.

CPU Pie Day - 13/3/2014
Photographer: Ciana Carrie
The third part of the dream was in CPU. After finishing Law class, I rode the elevator up to the Student Lounge and chucked my bag on one of the vacant couches. I ran into Luke on my way out and asked if I could borrow something (what it is, I can't remember) from him just for the day, caught sight of Dex passing us by from my peripheral vision.

Our eyes barely met, though.

Seeing my English lecturer walking to the studio sparked my curiosity and I headed off in that direction, found my classmates (Ida and Chester) and our peers dancing their hearts out to the melody of whatever song that was being played.

The walkway was brighter than in actual reality. I could see the sun pouring its radiance, brightening and warming the place. Our bags were all mixed up and piled on top of each other when I returned to the lounge.

Surfacing in my thoughts in that point of time was me pieing Cookie and his widened eyes. Making me more confused was the recollection of me yelling at a child of about five for causing a commotion during a conference event - right in the middle of the speaker's speech.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Regrets won't bring you back to me

Shamelessly taken from my Facebook timeline:

Amidst the serenity of midnight and exhaustion of my optic nerve and brain, the bittersweet memories of me and mi amigo surfaced like the invisible smoke, leaving me a little emotionally off hence the inspiration for the poem.

You told me once.
The layers of your soul,
It was stripped the way an apple was peeled.
Looking at the mirror,
You don't recognize yourself anymore.
A disheartened person, all wrinkled up.
The smile on her face has turned downwards.
Shooting out from her eyes is a saddened heart.
It no longer contains the spark of life.
You said, it's not you at all.

Swimming in my memories is a story of another.
Your laughter lingers like the smell of honey.
The husky texture of your voice
And your seemingly perfect choice of words.
Drawn on your face is eternal happiness.
Your eyes radiate with an energized soul.
The frown, well, it is curved upwards,
Pulling the corners of your eyes along.
Coating you is elegance of a beauty queen
And friendliness of mi perro.

Staring at you from afar,
I wonder what made the 180 change.
You are still you.
You carry the same name and physique,
But why do I feel like I've lost you?
Dancing in your eyes is the emotional hesitance of a betrayal.
Something you'd rather remain reticent on.
Painted in it is a depressed being,
Someone nudged down the dark, lonely journey;
Someone exhausted of facing the earthly trials and hurt.

Mi amigo y mi amor,
Lo mucho siento.
Please forgive me for what I have done.
My actions sliced our friendship and love into half, beyond the point of no return.
I made you unwillingly walk away from me
With silent tears in your eyes
And deep hurt in your heart.
There's not one day that I don't regret it.
But it's too late;
It's too late to rewind the tape.
Our life is the live footage of drama.

It's something I've permanently lost for life. No amount of pleading and apologies is going to repair the damage done to my friendship with him. He's moved on and a part of me has gone with the wind to places unexplored like a vagabond.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Random Crap

It's 12:17 am now.

I know I should be asleep at this hour since I have an adventurous morning ahead of me, but the thing is, even though my eyes feel like bricks weighing down on me, my mind is still as active as an Energizer bunny. All I want to do is to be serenaded by the soothing songs on my playlist and hope that I will enter Dreamland without being aware of it.

Which is what I am doing now.

After completing about 85% of my English assignment (the remaining 15% needs the working printer that I don't have access to), I was so drained out that I decided to spam my good friend's inbox with random questions about Spanish and Mandarin as well as catching my Media Arts classmate in the nick of time (he was heading off to bed) and pulling his leg with a pickup line I found on Twitter.

It's somewhat like an inside joke between us - especially when he surprised me with the pun after I entered the Mac Lab for our Period 6 class.

I'm still thankful for the week's worth of break that's been given to us because it allows me to pause and catch my breath in preparation for a highly stressed and intense schedule ahead of us. It doesn't help that I have a Unit 2 Law test on Tuesday followed by that major literacy exam a day later, sigh.


I think I'm calling it a night before a couple of possibilities occur. It's either I crash on the keyboard or text Shaney with random, nonsensical messages.

Oh, right. That reminds me that I have to pen a post about the recently-concluded Pie Day - soon.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

A Dearly Loved (And Sorely Missed) Friend

Credits to Monica Devine for the image

They say,
The serenity kills.
To me,
It envelopes me with warmth.
It is what you've given me since day one.
It fills me with the encouragement of life,
To continue pressing through the hardships.

As a possessed zombie,
Standing at the edge of the cliff,
And watching the waves slam into the rocks,
My face is burning hot.
The tears are flowing down my cheeks
Like a burst pipe.
I am wallowing in the memories of the past.
Thinking about how we mingled like busy bees
And the sugar-coated memories we shared,
It is slowly splitting my heart into half.

If I can say this to you,
Thank you for having loved me.
For accepting my strengths and weaknesses.
For being there during those dark, depressive hours.
I know dancing in my eyes is the soul of a weakened girl.
It depicts a girl who wants out of reality.

You may be thousands of miles away
And we no longer regularly talk.
Accompanying me spiritually is your presence.
And your words,
They are refreshed with a coat of honey.
I pray that in whatever you do,
You'll find success and happiness.
Nothing lifts my frown than to see you,
Well, being you.
Always remember,
I'm at the end of the blue corner,
Offering a comforting hug.
I'll be there when you need a comforting advice.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I don't want to talk about the events that wedged us apart

It's 2 am now.

Even though your cold eyes will still shoot stabs into my heart, I once harbored the hope that you will change. Years have since passed; nothing's changed between us yet the mere thought of our sweeter times together as the closest of friends is able to trigger a wave of unexplainable emotions, especially at this ungodly hour.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Oh, boy. Does this mean I am going to crash sooner or later?

No matter how exhausted or drained I am, I'm in no liberty to complain or rant about the current situation because this was the path that I chose during the enrollment. Plus, I've an exam at the end of this month that could shorten or lengthen my current semester and I haven't even started the revisions as my mind's more focused on completing the piling work, which is not good news. With all due respect, I just want to pass that exam to graduate before moving on to accomplish that goal of mine soonest possible.

Soonest possible is the key word because no one can predict the future.

Many Fridays ago, while I was having lunch with Jon and Husky, Jon noticed that my plate of spaghetti was barely touched and asked if I was being weighed down. The truth of the matter is I am being pressured left, right and centre by not only work but something else as well.

Unless you're a close friend whom I can rely on with trust, don't expect me to talk about this.

Come to think of it, I am being strangled by the weight of the subjects that I am taking this semester. Let's see; first semester, it was Canadian and World History, Canadian World Issues and Geography and Writer's Craft. All three needed creativity and critical thinking. Second semester, it's Canadian and International Law being balanced out with English and Media Arts, also requiring the abovementioned skills.

See what I meant?

With the exception of Writer's Craft, all are heavy and intense subjects.

World History and International Law are two tough cookies that not many students (whom I have spoken to, at least) would even think of taking. I can see their eyes widening in horrific shock when they learn that I'm studying both. I'll tell you why; each subject on its own is already draining. For Law, it's the research for debate (think: decriminalization of marijuana in Canada) and the relevance to the 21st century (think: how the 1215 Magna Carta gave life to habeas corpus). For History, it's the memorization of the significance of the past historical events that shaped our current world (think: First and Second World Wars, Cold War and Catholic Reformation).

Combine both together, however, and the physical exhaustion will increase. That's why I can feel for my 3 Law classmates who are balancing History with Law at the same time this semester. What they are going through, I have already experienced it and can fully understand where they are coming from, especially the annotated bibliographies (AB). It reminds me how penning the AB for each source (and the minimum required sources would be two encyclopedic and three journal articles, which totals to 5) would always leave me with a temporary headache.

So yeah, you'd think that after being immersed in a pool of assignments that's been twisting my sleeping pattern for the entire month, the intensity will slightly improve and allow me some space to catch my breath, but you're so wrong. Not only am I extremely sleep-deprived, I am being overloaded with assignments from left and right and stressed out over the English ISU. Although nothing's been said for the Law and Media Arts projects, I have a rough gist on what to expect: the CCA (with an actual trial that includes defense lawyers, prosecutors and witnesses) and the International Law Fair.

Meh, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm half a size smaller when the graduation ceremony rolls around. You wouldn't want to know what kind of a schedule I'm having, trying to equally balance academia with extra-curricular matters.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

What in the world?

It's 1.25 am now.

I have no idea what the hell I am doing at this hour and your guess is as good as mine.

Reflecting on the past year, I've never been able to catch an adequate amount of sleep, definitely not to the point where I can arise in the morning and be sure that I slept well. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I haven't been trying. Of course I am doing my best but God knows when my assignments beckon, leaving me awake way past my bedtime (like now and the past week) and looking panda-eyed the next day on campus, I don't really care as long as I am getting it out of my way.

Don't ask me. I was in the mood for a colorful gradient after watching the class tutorial on Adobe Illustrator. Meh, there's an upcoming Adobe Audition test. *sighs*

I am not going to complain about the combined workload and stress that Law and Media Arts have given me because it was kind of expected. Law requires memorization of facts and endless research; Media Arts involves artistic creativity. I have no idea how my senior coped with this combination but she seemed to have loved doing both when I caught up with her during the last semester's International Law Fair and Media Arts Fair. Although I haven't been able to successfully divide my time between friends and assignments, things have finally fallen into the rhythm that I wanted. I'll tell you why; half of the time is dedicated to college work (recently, it's been upped to 75% of my time) and campus-based activities (that I'd love to fully participate if it weren't for the heavy traffic congestion around both buildings) and the remainder that I have, I'm selfish with it and would rather use to it to catch a breather and loll around the house (just figuratively; a literal meaning would be me hopping around like an Energizer rabbit, lol) to my favorite Taiwanese and American drama series.

"Work after work. It's no wonder I look like a possessed zombie instead of a nerdy saint as of late. =P #assignments #college #filtered #life #weekends" - Taken from my Instagram account

I'm really sorry if I haven't been regularly updating.

After much thought, it dawned on me that inasmuch as I am trying to avoid a stressful and jam-packed semester, I am dealing with a heavier term this time. Remember how I mentioned before that I went through an intense semester waddling between History, World Issues and Writer's Craft? Well, guess what? In addition to the above-mentioned subjects for this semester, I am taking the onerous and compulsory English as well.

With that being said, you have my word that I will still return to the world of blogging and update this little blog of mine whenever I have the spare time and vision.

Oh. Before I forget, since I wasn't able to sleep even after the draft completion of my assignments, the following free verse is something that I came up with on the spot. It's somewhat inspired by the stories of my close friends.

When I craned my neck into the room,
There was a split second of peace engulfing me.
The sunlight shone into the room,
Radiating it with its brightness and happiness.
When I looked at the broken clock
Hanging on the wall,
The memories of that duration flew back
Like the return of the migratory birds.
I remembered how your eyes lit
Whenever you saw and heard me entering.
Boy, the frown on my face was lifted.
I visualized us exchanging looks
Much to the lovely admiration of our mutual friend.
The way she wriggled her eyebrows at us
Is glued in my memory.
We laughed until our stomachs ached.
We cried until our eyes were swollen up.
It sharpened our feelings.
It made us believe that there was no one but us.
When the news leaked out that we were an item,
Dancing in the eyes of them was pure happiness.
They wanted nothing but the best for us,
Even prayed for us to remain true to ourselves.
You knew me like the back of your hand,
Sensed whenever I was down and weak.
When I was in need of a comforting shoulder,
You were there.
I read you like a book, you used to say.
I saw through your smiles and laughter
That you were hiding something.
Those reticent and trying times,
Well, it merely accentuated your sorrows.
It shattered my heart whenever I saw it.
It reminded me the grave effects of being alone.
You see, I experienced that.
It's of no joke, having to waddle through life
With the emotions dressing each sentence with blades.

My dear friend, it's been an honor.
I don't know where I would be without you.
Who knows?
I could be roaming the streets like an invisible ghost.
I could be watching from my garden chair,
Somewhere up above the soothing, beautiful blue sky.
My dear friend, remember that little package?
The one that contained with those tempting goodies?
The one that made all of us stressed on that Thursday afternoon?
Hah, I am giggling like a child in love at the mere thought.
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