Monday, April 27, 2020
In Your Eyes
In your eyes,
I see the person whom I once was.
The feisty yet confident child,
Who was free from life’s intricacies.
In your eyes,
I see the circumstances befalling the child,
Leaving in its wake,
A traumatized and hesitant girl.
In your eyes,
I see the girl maturing with fear,
Living under the radar
And hiding behind a secure shield.
In your eyes,
I see the girl’s volatile emotions,
Frightening those around me away,
Like the ferocious strokes of a paintbrush.
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Six Must-Have Items in Your Work Bag
It doesn’t matter whether we are fresh graduates entering the workforce, adults with a stable job position, or a student doing an internship. We’d need to have a work bag that contains all of the pertinent items, regardless of our chosen fields. Below are six important items that I believe we need in our work bag. As my job position doesn’t require me to officially own a handbag, I’m using my backpack to masquerade as one.
Wallet/Purse
Credit to MalayMail for the image
In the world that we are living in, it’s more than tempting to carry your credit or debit cards instead of cash. As what HerCampus has elaborated, ‘When you have a wallet full of plastic it can be easy to forget that it’s never a bad idea to have some paper in there too.’ Not carrying cash is a grave concept as it goes without saying that you’d be stranded without any money on you. It’s necessary to keep a reasonable amount of cash for any emergencies or purchases that only accept cash.
Water Bottle
Credits to Shoppee for the image
Everyone should adopt the habit of bringing a tumbler or a water bottle filled with water to work. LifeHack.org emphasizes that it is ‘incredibly easy to avoid drinking enough water when we’re focused on getting work done or too busy to grab a glass of water. Many of us turn to tea or coffee to stay alert during the day.’ What this means is that once you’re on the go, you tend to focus more on completing your errands and less on hydrating yourself. If all of your concentration is on the tasks at hand, you might instead rely on artificial sources such as caffeine and sports drinks to remain awake at your table. This is not a good option as it could lead to other problems like dry throat among others. You’ll need pure water to flush out the excess toxins brought on by a stressful day in the office.
Drinking copious amounts of water would help to reduce stress-related headache. HealthyYouVending.com goes on to explain that the lack of adequate water ‘can lead to headaches, decreased memory and can even reduce job productivity. By the time we feel thirsty, it’s already too late.’ To prevent this from occurring, having a tumbler within reach helps a lot. All workplaces come with a pantry and a water dispenser, so there’s no way of claiming forgetfulness.
Notebook and a pen
This is another must-have item for a wide array of reasons.reasons. One of which is the ability to write down any important information or task that your boss relates to you. Not only that; it also enables you to record minutes of your discussion with either colleagues or clients for future references. It doesn’t matter if the notebook and pen is from a high-end brand or your neighborhood bookstore. What’s most important is its durability and whether it serves its purpose well for a long time or not.
All of us are busy in our own ways, so it’s unlikely that we’re able to remember the details of every discussion or what our superiors have asked us to do. By taking notes of it, it’d give us more time to complete everything that is asked of us instead of worrying that we’ll forget about this or that.
Lip Balm
Yes, I own two lip balm chapsticks - one's imported from the States and bought in Malaysia while the other's certified organic from Adelaide.
If you suffer from chapped lips like myself, you’d know that we can’t live without a stick or lip balm (or two) in our work bag. I keep two sticks so that I can alternate between the flavors and keep a backup in the event that I’ve finished using one stick. Not only is it convenient as it is a small item, but it comes in handy when you need to moisten your lips or freshen up on the way to work. It’ll create a terrible impression if you greet your colleagues in the morning with chapped lips.
Sanitary Products
I’m sure us females would understand this predicament. We need to keep a handy pile of tampons or period pads, depending on which type you use, in the event that Aunty Flo makes an unannounced visit. It would be a mess when she arrives without notice as you don’t have any access to your sanitary products or a fresh set of clothing to change into. Furthermore, you’ll fear that your colleagues or members of the public would be able to see the stain of blood on your parents when the likelihood is low. At least with a bunch in your work bag, you have the peace of mind to deal with other matters.
Plasters/Band-Aid
Depending on the place you’re living in, this item is either known as a plaster or a Band-Aid. This is also another must-have in my work bag because of the prior mishaps I’ve had in the office. I’ve accidentally injured myself after I stepped on a stapler bullet on the carpeted floor. I’ve cut my finger while opening a glass bottle of soy bean milk for lunch. Plasters will come in handy because you never know if and when you need it. At least the plaster will keep the wound covered and clean from the environmental bacteria and stop the bleeding.
I hope that the above tips would give you a rough idea on the items that should go into your work bag. It all depends on your individual style and needs.
Wallet/Purse
Credit to MalayMail for the image
In the world that we are living in, it’s more than tempting to carry your credit or debit cards instead of cash. As what HerCampus has elaborated, ‘When you have a wallet full of plastic it can be easy to forget that it’s never a bad idea to have some paper in there too.’ Not carrying cash is a grave concept as it goes without saying that you’d be stranded without any money on you. It’s necessary to keep a reasonable amount of cash for any emergencies or purchases that only accept cash.
Water Bottle
Credits to Shoppee for the image
Everyone should adopt the habit of bringing a tumbler or a water bottle filled with water to work. LifeHack.org emphasizes that it is ‘incredibly easy to avoid drinking enough water when we’re focused on getting work done or too busy to grab a glass of water. Many of us turn to tea or coffee to stay alert during the day.’ What this means is that once you’re on the go, you tend to focus more on completing your errands and less on hydrating yourself. If all of your concentration is on the tasks at hand, you might instead rely on artificial sources such as caffeine and sports drinks to remain awake at your table. This is not a good option as it could lead to other problems like dry throat among others. You’ll need pure water to flush out the excess toxins brought on by a stressful day in the office.
Drinking copious amounts of water would help to reduce stress-related headache. HealthyYouVending.com goes on to explain that the lack of adequate water ‘can lead to headaches, decreased memory and can even reduce job productivity. By the time we feel thirsty, it’s already too late.’ To prevent this from occurring, having a tumbler within reach helps a lot. All workplaces come with a pantry and a water dispenser, so there’s no way of claiming forgetfulness.
Notebook and a pen
This is another must-have item for a wide array of reasons.reasons. One of which is the ability to write down any important information or task that your boss relates to you. Not only that; it also enables you to record minutes of your discussion with either colleagues or clients for future references. It doesn’t matter if the notebook and pen is from a high-end brand or your neighborhood bookstore. What’s most important is its durability and whether it serves its purpose well for a long time or not.
All of us are busy in our own ways, so it’s unlikely that we’re able to remember the details of every discussion or what our superiors have asked us to do. By taking notes of it, it’d give us more time to complete everything that is asked of us instead of worrying that we’ll forget about this or that.
Lip Balm
Yes, I own two lip balm chapsticks - one's imported from the States and bought in Malaysia while the other's certified organic from Adelaide.
If you suffer from chapped lips like myself, you’d know that we can’t live without a stick or lip balm (or two) in our work bag. I keep two sticks so that I can alternate between the flavors and keep a backup in the event that I’ve finished using one stick. Not only is it convenient as it is a small item, but it comes in handy when you need to moisten your lips or freshen up on the way to work. It’ll create a terrible impression if you greet your colleagues in the morning with chapped lips.
Sanitary Products
I’m sure us females would understand this predicament. We need to keep a handy pile of tampons or period pads, depending on which type you use, in the event that Aunty Flo makes an unannounced visit. It would be a mess when she arrives without notice as you don’t have any access to your sanitary products or a fresh set of clothing to change into. Furthermore, you’ll fear that your colleagues or members of the public would be able to see the stain of blood on your parents when the likelihood is low. At least with a bunch in your work bag, you have the peace of mind to deal with other matters.
Plasters/Band-Aid
Depending on the place you’re living in, this item is either known as a plaster or a Band-Aid. This is also another must-have in my work bag because of the prior mishaps I’ve had in the office. I’ve accidentally injured myself after I stepped on a stapler bullet on the carpeted floor. I’ve cut my finger while opening a glass bottle of soy bean milk for lunch. Plasters will come in handy because you never know if and when you need it. At least the plaster will keep the wound covered and clean from the environmental bacteria and stop the bleeding.
I hope that the above tips would give you a rough idea on the items that should go into your work bag. It all depends on your individual style and needs.
Friday, April 17, 2020
Normalcy, where is it
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep these last couple of weeks for a bunch of varying reasons but not excluding job-related anxieties and the reflective dreams. Dreaming about a specific someone after a long time isn’t helping things either. I mean . . . what’s the whole deal about that person showing up off and on? Does his presence carry a certain message that I need to unearth before I’m able to know it? The fierce thunder and blinding lightning - in the wee hours of the morning - have also done its part in throwing me awake out of fear. My heart skips a beat every time it rains during bed time since I’m scared that it’ll cause the electricity supply to be interrupted. It has happened before - at least twice. The dancing trees might also snap from its roots and cause damage to anything and everything around and under it.
As we all are aware of, the MCO’s now in its third phase. The order to stay at home is starting to gnaw at me. One month of not working isn’t exactly doing wonders for both my psyche and my wallet. It’s not just the prospects of receiving a pay cut. It’s the whole idea of staying indoors with no end-date given. Everyone might relate to this since we all know that money doesn’t grow on trees. With bills growing and mouths to feed, we’re becoming angsty about the time when we can return to work. I can already imagine the height of my paperwork and the immense rush to clear it - all before I’m barked at by the parties involved.
The irony is that I can still mask my emotions with a cheery approach, avoiding unnecessary questions with the careful choice of my words. It’s perilous, I know. On one hand, people around me are convinced that I’m strong on my own that I won’t need help. On the other hand, they won’t recognize the signs of me needing help. My close friend’s able to read through my mask, absorbing the change in your mood or body language even if I say nothing about my truest thoughts.
I’d like to think that everything will return to normalcy soon, but what defines that term now that we’re smacked dead deep in a pandemic that currently doesn’t have a vaccine or an expiration date? Gone are the days of social inclusion and mass gatherings (including those open-air trading that we love to flock to weekly). The air has taken a grave turn and people are trying to live with the uncertainty of it all.
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
04/14/2020
Now that I’m sitting in front of the computer screen and attempting to pen today’s thoughts, I’m shrouded in a cloud of apprehension about everything around me. My emotional health isn’t as optimal. My psyche and soul are strained with the irrational thoughts being continuously fed to it. It’s exhausting to confront one’s thoughts on a daily basis when I’m susceptible to overthinking.
Since my emotions have somehow been thrown into a whack, it’s affected my appetite to such a stage where I’m able to survive on 1.5 meals for most days. I’ve skipped breakfast in favor of lunch (which consists of a takeaway meal from the nearby Indian restaurant) whereas dinner has something simple and filling that I can whip up within ten minutes - or would involve eating toast or cereal with caffeine. It’s not healthy if you ask me. I’m lacking on certain nutrients to the point where I have muscle spasms. In fact, at the time I’m writing this post, I’ve just recovered from a strained lower back.
Having caffeine for dinner is also not a good option - unless you’re forced to stay up late or pull an all-nighter for legitimate reasons . . . like work.
On the flipside, when I’m working, I have a completely contrasting diet. I’d have a light breakfast - usually oats or nasi lemak - followed by lunch that tend to be alternated between leftover food from home or dining in at the nearby restaurants. This depends on how stressed I am from the paperwork and whether I’m willing to get myself burnt by the sun to reach the cafe in mind. Dinner would range from something soothing to a fulfilling nutrient-heavy meal.
I guess you could say that the MCO has compelled everyone to take a step back and reevaluate their responsibilities and priorities in life. I can’t speak for others, but it has definitely pushed me into a corner and to listen to what my rational thoughts are telling me. Being on the go for most months have definitely drained me, but it allows me to concentrate on something other than myself.
One thing’s for sure; it’ll be arduous to predict when things will return to its normalcy. Even if there’s normalcy, it’d be a new normal.
Since my emotions have somehow been thrown into a whack, it’s affected my appetite to such a stage where I’m able to survive on 1.5 meals for most days. I’ve skipped breakfast in favor of lunch (which consists of a takeaway meal from the nearby Indian restaurant) whereas dinner has something simple and filling that I can whip up within ten minutes - or would involve eating toast or cereal with caffeine. It’s not healthy if you ask me. I’m lacking on certain nutrients to the point where I have muscle spasms. In fact, at the time I’m writing this post, I’ve just recovered from a strained lower back.
Having caffeine for dinner is also not a good option - unless you’re forced to stay up late or pull an all-nighter for legitimate reasons . . . like work.
On the flipside, when I’m working, I have a completely contrasting diet. I’d have a light breakfast - usually oats or nasi lemak - followed by lunch that tend to be alternated between leftover food from home or dining in at the nearby restaurants. This depends on how stressed I am from the paperwork and whether I’m willing to get myself burnt by the sun to reach the cafe in mind. Dinner would range from something soothing to a fulfilling nutrient-heavy meal.
I guess you could say that the MCO has compelled everyone to take a step back and reevaluate their responsibilities and priorities in life. I can’t speak for others, but it has definitely pushed me into a corner and to listen to what my rational thoughts are telling me. Being on the go for most months have definitely drained me, but it allows me to concentrate on something other than myself.
One thing’s for sure; it’ll be arduous to predict when things will return to its normalcy. Even if there’s normalcy, it’d be a new normal.
Thursday, April 9, 2020
Nothing But Regrets
Shrouded in mystery was a weary child,
Who desired for permanent rest.
Buried amidst her roller-coaster emotions
Were the aspirations she once held.
With a clouded vision,
She watched her dreams burn to the ground.
With a broken heart,
She walked away from all she fought for.
Hidden from the light
Is her bone-tired soul.
Alone in her thoughts,
She craves for those comforting days.
Stability once enveloped her,
With exuberance swimming in her veins.
Confidence once protected her,
With strength being her shield.
Peering into the dark abyss,
Her muscles relaxes into a puddle,
Knowing that it’ll be over soon,
The draining moments in her life.
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
Surviving the Social Distance for MCO
Author’s Note: Seeing that we’re in the midst of the extended MCO, I figured that this would be an adequate filler post. Do note that this was an article that I previously pitched for.
Source: Wallpaper Access
As we all are aware of, the Prime Minister initially announced that a restricted movement order (RMO) or a movement control order (MCO) - depending on which term you’re comfortable with - would be in effect from 18th March until 31st March 2020. About a week before the end of the March, an extended MCO was placed in effect until 14th April 2020 with further updates on 10th April 2020. This calls for the importance of social distance to prevent the further spread of Covid-19 and hopefully flatten the curve, but it comes at a price. Humans are known to be communal creatures that need to be in contact with other people. Loneliness might creep in as a result, especially when we have to spend more time indoors. With that in mind, I’ll attempt to share a handful of tips that might assist in combat loneliness while we all ride out the duration of the RMO.
Maintaining Contact via Technology
One of the pertinent tips that I can recommend is reaching out. In this day and age, most people have access to a mobile device and Internet, if not a fixed line. Furthermore, there are a wide array of applications that you’re able to choose from, i.e. Messenger, Skype, and WhatsApp. This accessibility makes it easier for you when you catch up with family and friends this way. By staying in frequent contact with them, you know that you have a support system that you can reach out to whenever you’re feeling lonely. There’s a chance that they share the same loneliness as you. You’ll feel much better emotionally and mentally after reaching out to family and friends and speaking to them.
Having a Pet
I understand that having a pet has its health benefits, especially in reducing loneliness amongst the lonely. But this tip would be of use if you are already owning a pet beforehand. You shouldn’t rush to the nearest shelter to adopt a pet just to survive the RMO. A pet is somewhat like a friend by your side at all times. Even though it’s unable to express itself with words, it certainly makes its presence and love for you known through its body language and antics. This is why spending time with your pet is one of the best methods possible. It eradicates loneliness and re-directs your focus to be on your pet with the assurance that you’re never alone.
Learning Something New
Source: Womenosophy.com
If you’re neither a fan of technology nor a pet owner, you could dabble in something that you’ve always wanted to learn, but either lacked the time or motivation to do so. Now would be the best time. It can be anything from knitting to baking, as long as you’ve the interest and patience to learn. The Internet is already the perfect place for you to start searching for tutorials with lots of it being uploaded to YouTube and forums. There are step-by-step guides for learners with different techniques for you to make a start. While it keeps your loneliness at bay, it can be a time-addictive interest where you’ll spend day and night fixated on honing your skill. You won’t feel so bored being stuck indoors for the duration of the RMO.
Catching Up on Your Favorite Series
Another tip would be to binge watch on your favorite series either through the TV or on YouTube. Since life previously took precedence with its responsibilities, you can take this opportunity to catch up on all of the missed episodes of your favorite show. If you’re up for the challenge or in the mood for a new show, you could even browse through Netflix’s library, provided that you have a registered account with them. Fret not if you don’t have access to any streaming services. There are a handful of older drama series that have been uploaded to YouTube.
This is a preview of the Kobo homepage on an Android. You can download the app and register for an account via Google Play Store or Apple Store.
Reading
If the small screen isn’t your forte, reading might be something that you can consider. It doesn’t matter whether you desire to read via a Kindle, a Kobo app, or the old school method of having a book in your hands. You should always procure a book with a plot that you can throw yourself into. The two examples that I can think at the top of my head would be Nicholas Sparks’s “The Best of Me” and Jojo Moyers’s “Me Before You”, where the bittersweet plot will tug at your heart. Have a mug of your favorite drink within reach and nestle at a quiet area and you’re ready to immerse yourself in the fictional world. Personally speaking, this particular tip has aided me in this testy time as it takes my mind off reality where news is accessible 24/7 and the continual exposure to it.
Praying
Last but not least, if you’re someone who practices religion, you may want to consider using this time to pray and connect with God in silence. It might be of assistance in the sense that you feel like someone’s there, keeping an eye out for your safety and ensuring that you won’t be alone.
With that being said, this is a never-ending list. You’re more than welcome to use some of these tips as a guide to come up with your own ways to combat loneliness during the partial lockdown.
Source: Wallpaper Access
As we all are aware of, the Prime Minister initially announced that a restricted movement order (RMO) or a movement control order (MCO) - depending on which term you’re comfortable with - would be in effect from 18th March until 31st March 2020. About a week before the end of the March, an extended MCO was placed in effect until 14th April 2020 with further updates on 10th April 2020. This calls for the importance of social distance to prevent the further spread of Covid-19 and hopefully flatten the curve, but it comes at a price. Humans are known to be communal creatures that need to be in contact with other people. Loneliness might creep in as a result, especially when we have to spend more time indoors. With that in mind, I’ll attempt to share a handful of tips that might assist in combat loneliness while we all ride out the duration of the RMO.
Maintaining Contact via Technology
One of the pertinent tips that I can recommend is reaching out. In this day and age, most people have access to a mobile device and Internet, if not a fixed line. Furthermore, there are a wide array of applications that you’re able to choose from, i.e. Messenger, Skype, and WhatsApp. This accessibility makes it easier for you when you catch up with family and friends this way. By staying in frequent contact with them, you know that you have a support system that you can reach out to whenever you’re feeling lonely. There’s a chance that they share the same loneliness as you. You’ll feel much better emotionally and mentally after reaching out to family and friends and speaking to them.
Having a Pet
I understand that having a pet has its health benefits, especially in reducing loneliness amongst the lonely. But this tip would be of use if you are already owning a pet beforehand. You shouldn’t rush to the nearest shelter to adopt a pet just to survive the RMO. A pet is somewhat like a friend by your side at all times. Even though it’s unable to express itself with words, it certainly makes its presence and love for you known through its body language and antics. This is why spending time with your pet is one of the best methods possible. It eradicates loneliness and re-directs your focus to be on your pet with the assurance that you’re never alone.
Learning Something New
Source: Womenosophy.com
If you’re neither a fan of technology nor a pet owner, you could dabble in something that you’ve always wanted to learn, but either lacked the time or motivation to do so. Now would be the best time. It can be anything from knitting to baking, as long as you’ve the interest and patience to learn. The Internet is already the perfect place for you to start searching for tutorials with lots of it being uploaded to YouTube and forums. There are step-by-step guides for learners with different techniques for you to make a start. While it keeps your loneliness at bay, it can be a time-addictive interest where you’ll spend day and night fixated on honing your skill. You won’t feel so bored being stuck indoors for the duration of the RMO.
Catching Up on Your Favorite Series
Another tip would be to binge watch on your favorite series either through the TV or on YouTube. Since life previously took precedence with its responsibilities, you can take this opportunity to catch up on all of the missed episodes of your favorite show. If you’re up for the challenge or in the mood for a new show, you could even browse through Netflix’s library, provided that you have a registered account with them. Fret not if you don’t have access to any streaming services. There are a handful of older drama series that have been uploaded to YouTube.
This is a preview of the Kobo homepage on an Android. You can download the app and register for an account via Google Play Store or Apple Store.
Reading
If the small screen isn’t your forte, reading might be something that you can consider. It doesn’t matter whether you desire to read via a Kindle, a Kobo app, or the old school method of having a book in your hands. You should always procure a book with a plot that you can throw yourself into. The two examples that I can think at the top of my head would be Nicholas Sparks’s “The Best of Me” and Jojo Moyers’s “Me Before You”, where the bittersweet plot will tug at your heart. Have a mug of your favorite drink within reach and nestle at a quiet area and you’re ready to immerse yourself in the fictional world. Personally speaking, this particular tip has aided me in this testy time as it takes my mind off reality where news is accessible 24/7 and the continual exposure to it.
Praying
Last but not least, if you’re someone who practices religion, you may want to consider using this time to pray and connect with God in silence. It might be of assistance in the sense that you feel like someone’s there, keeping an eye out for your safety and ensuring that you won’t be alone.
With that being said, this is a never-ending list. You’re more than welcome to use some of these tips as a guide to come up with your own ways to combat loneliness during the partial lockdown.
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Uncensored Thoughts
I’m bone-tired with everything that has happened. As what my close friend pointed out as of late, I’m mentally holding to something that we’re not sure exists anymore.
Happiness.
What constitutes happiness?
It’s a subjective question with an individualistic answer. Ask three people this question and you’ll get three different answers. Some may define happiness as having the love of their life by their side and watching the sunset together. Some may define happiness as being in the loving arms of their family. Some may elaborate more on it and explain that it means doing what they love to do as a job.
What about me?
For me, happiness is having a stable life (as anyone who’s experienced trauma would appreciate), having job security, financial independence, and having friends that I know would catch me if and when I fall. If I’m being honest, it’s arduous to achieve because I’m clueless as to whether it’d even happen. Seeing that financial independence is something that’s talked about regularly but rarely acted upon because of life’ s responsibilities, it’s hard to ascertain whether we’d all be exuberant. Some of us would have financial commitments like housing loan, car loan, credit card payments, and maybe on top of supporting our families. Some of us, well, may be fortunate enough to have parental assistance in the form of a down payment towards a vehicle or a residence.
Yet there are some of us who project happiness in an attempt to hide our truest emotions. Say, we’re feeling emotionally down but are unable or unwilling to let anyone around us know about it. Or that we’re experiencing something terrible - alone.
Hopefully, once this is all done and dusted, we would all be able to venture in search of our true happiness and place this behind us.
Happiness.
What constitutes happiness?
It’s a subjective question with an individualistic answer. Ask three people this question and you’ll get three different answers. Some may define happiness as having the love of their life by their side and watching the sunset together. Some may define happiness as being in the loving arms of their family. Some may elaborate more on it and explain that it means doing what they love to do as a job.
What about me?
For me, happiness is having a stable life (as anyone who’s experienced trauma would appreciate), having job security, financial independence, and having friends that I know would catch me if and when I fall. If I’m being honest, it’s arduous to achieve because I’m clueless as to whether it’d even happen. Seeing that financial independence is something that’s talked about regularly but rarely acted upon because of life’ s responsibilities, it’s hard to ascertain whether we’d all be exuberant. Some of us would have financial commitments like housing loan, car loan, credit card payments, and maybe on top of supporting our families. Some of us, well, may be fortunate enough to have parental assistance in the form of a down payment towards a vehicle or a residence.
Yet there are some of us who project happiness in an attempt to hide our truest emotions. Say, we’re feeling emotionally down but are unable or unwilling to let anyone around us know about it. Or that we’re experiencing something terrible - alone.
Hopefully, once this is all done and dusted, we would all be able to venture in search of our true happiness and place this behind us.
Friday, April 3, 2020
It's only Day 17...
Author’s Note: This was written in advance, so there might be some unforeseen changes by the time this post is published.
Watching the statistics (including the number of deaths) steadily rise on a daily basis is frightening due to a variety of reasons. It illustrates the possibility of the order - and I mean the RMO/CMO - only being called off at a later date. It’s something that none of us can take the risk on because salaries and jobs are on the line. Some of us may not even be able to weather the storm in such a stressful period, especially with the predictions of an oncoming recession in the background. Look, I understand the importance of being indoors to avoid the risk of being infected and infecting others. I also comprehend that you’ll argue that life matters more than the economy and jobs, but I’ll opine that both are as equally important since one can’t survive without the other. If lives are lost, there won’t be any individuals to fill in the vacancies, that’s true. If the economy weakens with a significant record of retrenchments and job losses, lives would still be affected. There would be some whose mental health would cave in at this period, leading them to take the easy way out.
It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but the likelihood is there.
It’s only been 17 days since the announcement of the order and I’m already running out of ideas to kill the boredom. My hands are also itching to return to work. Mama Carrie suggested that I should rest my mind (since the past couple of months have been hectic - weaving in and out of two positions and guiding a new colleague as well) until it’s officially time to return. But the thing is I’m not sure if I’d like to do so. Sleeping day and night has its benefits - one of which would be me looking radiant and happier.
Having to wait for another 21 - 22 days would be arduous, seeing that I’m someone who likes working. My brain craves being on the go now because I’m worried about my job since anything can happen. Worries about job security is basically on everyone’s minds now - plus we’d like our freedom again. Another reason being that with the excess free time, it’s allowing me to overthink matters. The stuff that I’ve divulged to my close friend is not meant for public knowledge, not because of its level of darkness but because of the sensitive information in it. Think of it as me emotionally bearing my soul - without the protective layers - to the person. My emotions are on a rollercoaster ride of its own - going from resignation to acceptance and onward to annoyance followed by fear.
*sighs*
I was once okay with spending this much time indoors and that was because of Big Fat. Having him rest at my feet or within a visible reach soothed my nerves. If I was bored and wanted company, I could easily head off to where he was and have a small chat with him. Or hold his paw in the silence. I know, not many dogs would accept their owners holding their paw to sleep. Sometimes Big Fat reaches out to me and gives me a whiff when he spies me being asleep.
Since things have changed, spending lots of time indoors isn’t exactly viable for me. It makes me nervous and scared of what is to come.
Watching the statistics (including the number of deaths) steadily rise on a daily basis is frightening due to a variety of reasons. It illustrates the possibility of the order - and I mean the RMO/CMO - only being called off at a later date. It’s something that none of us can take the risk on because salaries and jobs are on the line. Some of us may not even be able to weather the storm in such a stressful period, especially with the predictions of an oncoming recession in the background. Look, I understand the importance of being indoors to avoid the risk of being infected and infecting others. I also comprehend that you’ll argue that life matters more than the economy and jobs, but I’ll opine that both are as equally important since one can’t survive without the other. If lives are lost, there won’t be any individuals to fill in the vacancies, that’s true. If the economy weakens with a significant record of retrenchments and job losses, lives would still be affected. There would be some whose mental health would cave in at this period, leading them to take the easy way out.
It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but the likelihood is there.
It’s only been 17 days since the announcement of the order and I’m already running out of ideas to kill the boredom. My hands are also itching to return to work. Mama Carrie suggested that I should rest my mind (since the past couple of months have been hectic - weaving in and out of two positions and guiding a new colleague as well) until it’s officially time to return. But the thing is I’m not sure if I’d like to do so. Sleeping day and night has its benefits - one of which would be me looking radiant and happier.
Having to wait for another 21 - 22 days would be arduous, seeing that I’m someone who likes working. My brain craves being on the go now because I’m worried about my job since anything can happen. Worries about job security is basically on everyone’s minds now - plus we’d like our freedom again. Another reason being that with the excess free time, it’s allowing me to overthink matters. The stuff that I’ve divulged to my close friend is not meant for public knowledge, not because of its level of darkness but because of the sensitive information in it. Think of it as me emotionally bearing my soul - without the protective layers - to the person. My emotions are on a rollercoaster ride of its own - going from resignation to acceptance and onward to annoyance followed by fear.
*sighs*
I was once okay with spending this much time indoors and that was because of Big Fat. Having him rest at my feet or within a visible reach soothed my nerves. If I was bored and wanted company, I could easily head off to where he was and have a small chat with him. Or hold his paw in the silence. I know, not many dogs would accept their owners holding their paw to sleep. Sometimes Big Fat reaches out to me and gives me a whiff when he spies me being asleep.
Since things have changed, spending lots of time indoors isn’t exactly viable for me. It makes me nervous and scared of what is to come.
Thursday, April 2, 2020
Another Truest Thoughts
In search of that peaceful place
She calls home.
Away from the earthly burdens,
And the mental tortures,
A space where she is free and herself.
A longing for the past.
Her shoulders are burdened with broken dreams
And torn by disappointment.
Her heart is weighed by exhaustion.
Her soul is broken down by a fractured mind.
Her tears flow deep in the night,
Away from listening ears and curious eyes.
Mixed in the salty solution is her hurt
And shattered hopes.
Ones that she’ll never speak of.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
A mix and match of thoughts
I dreamt that I paced the 2nd floor of an abandoned shopping mall. The lift foyer was completely dark, devoid of any lights except for the ones illuminating the area whenever the doors open for a second. The floor itself was barely lit. It was borderline musty as well.
The next scene involved me being in another building - one with windows. Like loads of it. I attended a conference with my luggage in tow. Due to the mismanagement of planning on my part, I was to rush to the airport to catch my flight once the event was over. As I was about to keep my luggage in a staff-only pantry, someone greeted me at the door with a Caucasian in tow. Both were panting and had panicky eyes. The Caucasian wanted to know where the SAT exam was. My fellow volunteer pronounced it as the past tense of sit whereas I immediately knew what the Caucasian meant. She meant the widely used college admissions test in the States. I then guided her to the examination venue.
The camera panned to the next scene where I was in a room full of people. There was so much chatter that it deafened me. It was just that obstreperous. When the person bent over the table rose to his full height and our eyes met, I instantly realized that it was my college friend. Again, he looked different from what I remembered. His attire was neat yet there was something in his eyes… as if the expression he wore bordered between a thug and a resting bitch face. It was hours later that I lugged my luggage past a sign that read GC and there were people gathered on the silky lawn, minding their own business. The signage even had flowers planted around it.
Let's begin the dream interpretation.
For the abandoned shopping mall, an online interpretation revealed that 'To be overwhelmed but the abandoned building can suggest that you wish to hide away in life. If the buildings have been vacant for a considerable amount of time and that this is closed fairly tight the representation of the psyche. Buildings generally represent our own emotions, problems, and changes'. This is a tad bit too close for comfort for one main reason: it's a reflection of how my mental state of mind is at the current moment. Neither do I want to stand in the crowd nor do I want any attention to be brought on myself whatsoever. I'd rather remain a wallflower and observing everyone in the silence. Since it is an empty building, there's a good chance that the matters I'm dealing with are snowballing in effect. And it's not bringing a positive impact on me.
For my luggage, one of the websites indicated that 'Negatively, luggage may represent the burden of your responsibilities and emotional problems that follow you around. Emotional “baggage” you have problems letting go of. Behavior that may be too high maintenance. Problems you to constantly deal with or talk about. Children you need to look after. Alternatively, dream of luggage may represents a wish to experience something different. You may wish to leave the past behind you or show other people how different you are.' Again, I completely relate to this as my subconscious is sinking from the emotional weight that I'm carrying. No matter how I try to resolve (a particular thing), it just keeps popping out of nowhere and reminding me that I'm a failure. Only my close friend is aware of its extent. I'm batshit sure that if I'm given a chance, I'd trade certain elements for something better. Something that'll soothe the gnawing pain in my heart as well.
For the college friend, how shall I elaborate on his presence in the dream? It's the umpteenth time where he has made himself known, but what stood out was the look he shot me with. It wasn't one laced with anger, but one of unfamiliar familiarity; like me being there brought reminiscence of the things he wanted to forget. Maybe I'm a familiar stranger to him in real life, who knows? However, I read somewhere that psychologically speaking, if you dream of someone, it means that person misses you. I don't know whether it's applicable because there's just no reason for it.
As for the signage, the only GC that I know of is Gold Coast, which is located somewhere near Brisbane. The only key point that I can pull from this is that my heart craves for the serenity that Kings' Park in Perth enveloped me with in a place where no one knows me.
The next scene involved me being in another building - one with windows. Like loads of it. I attended a conference with my luggage in tow. Due to the mismanagement of planning on my part, I was to rush to the airport to catch my flight once the event was over. As I was about to keep my luggage in a staff-only pantry, someone greeted me at the door with a Caucasian in tow. Both were panting and had panicky eyes. The Caucasian wanted to know where the SAT exam was. My fellow volunteer pronounced it as the past tense of sit whereas I immediately knew what the Caucasian meant. She meant the widely used college admissions test in the States. I then guided her to the examination venue.
The camera panned to the next scene where I was in a room full of people. There was so much chatter that it deafened me. It was just that obstreperous. When the person bent over the table rose to his full height and our eyes met, I instantly realized that it was my college friend. Again, he looked different from what I remembered. His attire was neat yet there was something in his eyes… as if the expression he wore bordered between a thug and a resting bitch face. It was hours later that I lugged my luggage past a sign that read GC and there were people gathered on the silky lawn, minding their own business. The signage even had flowers planted around it.
Let's begin the dream interpretation.
For the abandoned shopping mall, an online interpretation revealed that 'To be overwhelmed but the abandoned building can suggest that you wish to hide away in life. If the buildings have been vacant for a considerable amount of time and that this is closed fairly tight the representation of the psyche. Buildings generally represent our own emotions, problems, and changes'. This is a tad bit too close for comfort for one main reason: it's a reflection of how my mental state of mind is at the current moment. Neither do I want to stand in the crowd nor do I want any attention to be brought on myself whatsoever. I'd rather remain a wallflower and observing everyone in the silence. Since it is an empty building, there's a good chance that the matters I'm dealing with are snowballing in effect. And it's not bringing a positive impact on me.
For my luggage, one of the websites indicated that 'Negatively, luggage may represent the burden of your responsibilities and emotional problems that follow you around. Emotional “baggage” you have problems letting go of. Behavior that may be too high maintenance. Problems you to constantly deal with or talk about. Children you need to look after. Alternatively, dream of luggage may represents a wish to experience something different. You may wish to leave the past behind you or show other people how different you are.' Again, I completely relate to this as my subconscious is sinking from the emotional weight that I'm carrying. No matter how I try to resolve (a particular thing), it just keeps popping out of nowhere and reminding me that I'm a failure. Only my close friend is aware of its extent. I'm batshit sure that if I'm given a chance, I'd trade certain elements for something better. Something that'll soothe the gnawing pain in my heart as well.
For the college friend, how shall I elaborate on his presence in the dream? It's the umpteenth time where he has made himself known, but what stood out was the look he shot me with. It wasn't one laced with anger, but one of unfamiliar familiarity; like me being there brought reminiscence of the things he wanted to forget. Maybe I'm a familiar stranger to him in real life, who knows? However, I read somewhere that psychologically speaking, if you dream of someone, it means that person misses you. I don't know whether it's applicable because there's just no reason for it.
As for the signage, the only GC that I know of is Gold Coast, which is located somewhere near Brisbane. The only key point that I can pull from this is that my heart craves for the serenity that Kings' Park in Perth enveloped me with in a place where no one knows me.
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