Friday, October 25, 2013

I'm tired, and I'm lonely, and I'm missing you again...

Lord, you could've sheltered me from that scene.

We both know that I didn't need to see that. We both know that when I see it, it's going to crack my heart and leave me wallowing in the particular memory again. On a given day, I can deal with it but it's not something that I want to tackle at a time when I'm not exactly in the best mood.

I have a thousand and one things stacked up against me.

It's not something that I want to share either. It's not that I want to keep the emotions bottled up; it's just that I can't afford to allow them to worry about me after the consecutive health scares. The only way that I can shield them from any worries is to hide and be alone in my favorite haunt. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I know it leads to a dangerous path.

If it happens often enough, I shudder to think what the consequences might lead me to.

Even as I'm sprawled on the comfortable couch in my hiding place, I can envision myself leaning against the balcony railing of Canary Palm Villa and pouring my heart out on the ocean floor.

Gosh, it's really too much for me to handle. I have no idea how long I'll be able to keep a brave front and plastering a natural-looking smile on my face.

I'm supposed to complete all of the assignments (due on Tuesday), but just as I'm staring at the blank Word document and the blinking cursor, Mr. Creativity and Mr. Idea are packing their bags at the same time, leaving for a vacation that I was never aware of.

Sigh, when emotions and assignments are thrown into the mix, the result is not beneficial.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

A Brief Update

Sorry for the sudden disappearance from the blogging world, my dear readers. Planning the Hear Us Out 11 Conference while waddling through the back-to-back assignments was of no joke.

It was 3 weeks into the planning and preparation of HUO 11 that the ugly side of stress roared its head. I'm not the perfectionist that Teochew Mama is (hell if I am!), but I am unwillingly admitting that I can be found stressing myself too much over my assignments and such. As much as I hate slogging in front of the computer screen and struggling to finish everything at the last minute, that exactly happened. It became so bad that an extension to the deadline was necessary; I was about to crash under the weight while my teammates were going through some issues of their own.

I suddenly fell under the weather in class two Fridays ago: while my vision turned blurry and my eyes ached at the bright ceiling lights, I could feel my legs becoming numb. It became so severe that I skipped World Issues and pleaded with my classmate to pass on the message to the lecturer that I'm not feeling too well. Not only was my head dizzy, but my stomach was churning to the point where I almost threw up.

I thought that taking the weekend off to recuperate would do the trick but boy, was I so wrong. The headache returned to taunt me while we were planning to head out to lunch. I didn't want to stay back and rest because what I needed was food and 100Plus (because of electrolytes) and I felt bad for asking Faustina to buy for me.

My Facebook status, written shortly after the second recovery
Gosh, Lord knows how hard I tried to hide it but she and Dexter saw through the invisible protective shield, becoming really worried for me.

And as I later found out, it was the combination of a lack of adequate, quality sleep and strong turmeric that landed me with two episodes of intense headaches. Sigh, what in the world was she thinking?

I'll only be able to blog about HUO 11 once I'm able to lay my hands on the pictures taken during the conference. As I was one of the many presenters, I couldn't slide into the photographer mode.

And I didn't bring the digital camera with me. =.=

On the overall, I can feel the stress level dissipating to a much more controllable level now.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Tuesday's Story #6

Slumped against the custom-designed leather chair that sat in her bedroom was Rose, who refused to believe the one-eighty change in her subordinate's behavior. The Magenta that she knew from university was someone gentle with no temper but the person who confronted Rose in front of the entire department certainly had a fiery temper, which was so not like her.
    Whether she was blinded by her ambition for the coveted seat or something else, Rose failed to see that the cause of the team's failure boiled down to her inexperience and she had taken the easy way up the ladder, instead of the skills and knowledge required. She still believed that it was of no fault of hers that the big boss promoted her and not Magenta, which made a little sense come to think of it. The big boss should've immediately shot down her request after their "little time together" and followed his conscience to promote the most deserving candidate.
    She rose to her full height and stared out the window, sighed as she folded her arms. As deep as their differences ran, she wanted to convince Magenta to remain in the department but it was too late; the news had arrived on the doorstep at the eleventh hour, leaving her with the only choice of acceptance and bound to lose the one of the best employees that their workplace ever had to a rival company.
    She just couldn't deny the fact that Magenta was much more capable than herself.

There was only one word to describe Magenta's feelings as she departed the workplace, but with her personal belongings this time around.
    The tension that she never knew had weighed her down after Rose's promotion suddenly disappeared when she realized that she hadn't need to face Rose any longer. To have her as a friend was a blessing but to have Rose as her boss? Oh, that was a disaster in the making. And a disaster it was. Instead of the mutual respect they had for each other, it degraded into something shy of animosity.
    She had to admit that she never considered the possibility of working in another company and caught herself being in a dilemma, unsure of her next move and certainly anxious about starting over in a new environment. Still, she never regretted leaving, only regretted for not leaving earlier. She'd glance through the classified advertisements and job sites for vacancies in suitable and related fields and submit her application with the CV and attend the necessary interviews - all while utilizing the time for a much-needed break.
    She had never taken a proper rest ever since after her graduation. The days of old were a haze, something she could barely remember.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


I dreamt that it was compulsory for us to attend a movie screening that our lecturer organized as part of our attendance. I was under the weather and nursing a sore throat but not wanting to be counted as absent, I dragged my feet there.

I was momentarily frightened when I exited the lecture theatre after the screening as my close friend snuck up behind me with a grin. Lord, I almost wanted to slice him there and then for his prank. Anyhow, he asked whether he could car pool with me, and I replied that sure, since we're heading in the same direction, why not?

There was a minor parking issue when we arrived at my Prius, which was parked at a numbered bay in front of Starbucks. A Focus blocked my way, and no matter how hard and loud I slammed my honk, the driver of that car was nowhere to be seen.


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