Okay, so this is it, I suppose.
This unofficially marks the end of my penultimate year, which begs the question of whether I am worried about job vacancies. It doesn’t help that I’m wondering whether I’ve learned enough skills to handle the real world - but I guess we won’t know until it actually happens.
After an intense fortnight of slogging past midnight, yesterday was the last of my papers - and I’ve already done my best for it. The rest is up to the written content on the exam booklets. It also depends whether I’ve regurgitated as much as I could and linked enough concepts to get me across the lines. The answer for the second one is a definite no. I knew that I can kiss the credit goodbye the moment I looked at the questions during the reading time. Although I revised most of what I could, something possessed my entire being towards the middle of the exam - and I wondered if I’ve made the right choice of enrolling in this degree. Ironic, right? Self-doubts while in the examination hall.
Or a sign of burnout on the way?
I’m only confident for a pass, but I guess I won’t know for sure until I either attend the viewing session or wait until the release of the official result. A miracle would be needed now if I want a credit. Then again, I shouldn’t think too much about the final grades and focus more on sleeping the exhaustion off instead. I’ve blown out both my brain and emotions this semester in such a way that I’m more of a zombie than a homo sapien.
Maybe I’ll have to take up on my lecturer’s offer after all.
Reflecting on this semester, I knew what I was getting myself into, but the constructive knowledge wasn’t enough to save me from drowning, so to speak. Although the stress may have died down towards the fourth week of the semester, it flared up as the time got closer to the exam period. I felt like someone struggling to stay above water and the workload dragging me down like an anchor. The headache persisted so much that I christened it ‘my death sentence’. At least, the comforting side is that I’ve one more year to complete before I’m able to smell the roses.
If this is the life of a practicing barrister, I’m definitely considering my options here. I don’t know if I can weather the storm and argue for my client’s benefit in front of the judge without feeling like I’m about to pass out.
Maybe I contemplated that it will arrive at this stage sooner than later, but I didn’t want to believe that it might explode in my face. I mean, what were the odds? I’m always surrounded with anxiety and worry over the performance on my assignments and exams. It’s eventually bound to spill over and leave a trail of blood, sweat, and tears.
There was a flashback of me in the middle of a street in Taipei - in search of a particular store when we stumbled across two shops: one specializing in items made out of bamboo and wood and the other sold specialty cooking oil that ranged from sesame to flaxseed. I vaguely remembered the packaging of the bottle - and let me just say that the labels were beautifully designed. Too bad I didn’t keep the address - otherwise, I’d definitely swing there if I ever return to visit Taipei.
It might be a small city, but if you look hard enough, there are places to visit and the best is that it ain’t touristy either.
And before I forget, I have news for everyone. Remember the little side project that I have been working on and off for the last years? Well, it’s been finished - at least for the last couple of months. Now you see why I’ve been slogging like a mad woman away from the blogosphere. Although it couldn’t have been published as a paperback inasmuch as I’d love it to be, I’m now ready to release it as an e-book.
If you’re keen on purchasing it, stay tuned for more details (including the method of purchase and delivery).
Until then, I’m off to take a breather and soothe the racing mind.