Sunday, June 22, 2014

Graduated Reflections

Now that I've graduated from CPU with an average grade (to me, it's something decent that could've shoved further but some of my friends would argue that it's already high enough), there is more time to pursue the things that I've left behind during the last stressful and intense year now. Creative writing is one of them but if the obligatory creative juices have not started flowing again, I'm practically in hibernation mode or lolling around the house like an Energizer bunny. The last part's a hyperbole; I don't have that much energy to burn daily.

But yeah, when it was my turn to receive the item from the principal onstage, I swear I felt butterflies churning in my stomach. I've no idea why; my hands trembled and my legs felt heavier than usual. It took all of my willpower to prevent the nerves from being demonstrated through my actions. The moment the invigilator, who happened to be the same person whom I'd always look for in the program office whenever I had inquiries, announced my name and my desired major at the shortlisted university, all of the nerves melted as I made my way to the other side of the stage, oblivious and ignorant of the crowd and claps above and below me.

It was pretty much the same coping mechanism I used for the English & Drama Festival last month.

Something stirred in me the moment "Friends Forever" was played at the candlelight tradition. The hall was illumined with the incandescent apricot-colored glow that radiated off the silhouettes. Being surrounded by it evoked a mixture of emotions: on one hand, I felt enveloped by the beauty but on the other, there was hesitance because I was departing a comfortable environment and the juniors whom I've come to love as friends.

When the gang of us caught up after the closure of the ceremony, we were discussing about it. Guang Wei and I had the same thought. It's like, [crap], why, of all the songs in town, this?! Ryan, on the other hand, shared that it was so touching that he wanted to break down. Since I am contemplating on attending the 65th Graduation Ceremony to see a couple of friends off, I am holding to the thought that another song would be played as I don't want anyone especially these two fellows to see me in tears.

Instead of lolling around the hall to take pictures with my lecturers, friends and peers alike, I returned the candles and robe before shooting upstairs to the gallery to collect the transcript and diploma. I was astonished that I wasn't nervous or worried about it when I initialed my name on the list and collected the sealed envelope from Mr. Banks. Sure, I was under pressure to obtain a high grade for each of the three subjects, but I was concluding that if I was holding the red card (which signified that the holder was an Ontario Merit Scholar with a final average of above 80%), it should be alright. Seeing that Ryan, Guang Wei and Husky were engaged in a private conversation, I leaned against the railing and cautiously opened the envelope, flipping through the pile of papers until I found what I was looking for.

The transcript.

Let's just say that we were all shocked beyond comprehension when we looked at the scores I've attained for English, Law and Media Arts. It's something good, don't worry, but none of us could've foreseen it. It's unfortunately with regrettable sadness that I fooled around with History hence the lower mark. It was such a pity that our nearby favorite hangout was closed or we could've celebrated the achievement to the maximum.

Mind you, a couple of us are below the legal drinking age.

Looking back at the experiences and skills I've garnered as a CPU Monster, it has sharpened the communication skills between people and instilled in me the importance of citation, especially in the APA and MLA format that I'll be exposed to again in university. But yeah, a metamorphosis occurred shortly before the beginning of second semester as a senior while I was happily exploring the CBD of WA. All that swam in my head on the flight home was the desire to boost the terribly weak average of a junior. If it meant sacrificing friendships and relationships to attain it, then so be it, but I must thank some friends for holding me back. One even patted my shoulder once, spoke that while she fathomed my need to succeed, she advised that I shouldn't allow my health to decline like our mutual acquaintance (or more like classmates).

Only God knows what would've happened if I don't have them as my loving and cherished friends.

While I ensured that history did not repeat itself, the same can't be said of my behavior and social interactions. Although I spoke more this semester, I'd still run off to one of my serene favorite haunts and gather my thoughts or to reflect on, well, random craps whenever the urgency arose. I'll willingly admit that I carried half the characteristics of an anti-social and aloof student. Not only that; I was sometimes found walking down the hallway in between classes with a stern expression. It's not the same as Ammar carries, but mine was more of a blend of exasperation, uneasiness and sadness rolled into one homogenous impression.

I never knew it, but I later learned that the reason why Kyle and Kevin would always be slightly overboard with their actions is because they couldn't bear to see me frowning in tension every time they saw me.

Eight weeks is the timeframe I have given myself to allow the weakened soul to recuperate from such a draining semester and to catch up on anything that I want to. Succeeding it is the applications to the shortlisted universities with the amassed related, required documents to be sent off together while securing a little, decent job for the lass to blow the time away.

I'm still waiting for the collage of photos to be posted online by CPU hence the lack of photos. The ones I have are all with my lecturers and friends, unfortunately. O.o

6 comments:

  1. belated congratulations. reading this made me think back of how i felt when i graduated too. a lot of different emotions come into play. here's wishing you all the very best as you step forward from here ;)

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    1. Thank you, Sean. =) Well, I've another graduation to tackle, and that's the university one. ^^

      Thanks once again, and I'm hoping that the experience I've garnered in CPU will make me a better person in university. Perhaps, I'll be able to make my lecturers proud too. =D

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  2. Hey, congrats on your graduation! I'm soooooo happy for you. So you're back blogging?? Have a lovely weekend, dear!

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    1. Thanks a lot, Shirley. Well, I'm swimming back to blogging. ^^ Brain's kinda jammed at the moment. =.="

      Have a good weekend too! ^^

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  3. Congratulations! Mixed emotions when you finish right? So much time has been spent on one goal, getting to the end, and now you're there... What next?

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    Replies
    1. Oh, yes, definitely, Yum List. It's like, I'm happy to head off to university but sad to leave my friends behind (especially the Froshies).

      Since I know I've burnt too much of my brain cells to excel during my second semester, I think it's probably some R&R before working while waiting for the intake. =D

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