Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Save me, I'm trapped in a vile world

I’m not sure if I’ve conferred myself with a death sentence through the courses of choice. It doesn’t make sense when I reflect on my decision. The workload is about the same as last year, so why in the hell does it feel like there’s more?

And certainly, why do I feel like I’m sliding down instead of slowly hiking the gradient?

At the time of this post, I’m severely drained at the significant lack of adequate rest, which gave rise to a sudden bout of common cold. I had to skip two morning lectures to catch up on sleep and I don’t think I’ve fully recovered just yet. It’s the first time that the cold’s crept up on me. I usually am able to gauge when I’m about to crumble under the weather.

You could say that it’s of my own doing that I landed in this pile of mess. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not pulling all-nighters ever since sophomore year started, but I’ve been waking up in the wee hours of the morning – either after being suffocated by the content of my dreams or for no reason at all. For someone who’s nocturnal, it’s not a good omen. I’ll be a walking zombie in the morning and I hate relying on caffeine to throw the psyche awake.

Furthermore, I like to keep myself on the go so that I can complete the necessary errands and not think about random crap. I realized that if I allow myself to sit back and think, the emotions will roll with my thoughts. It’s bad because I’ll want to push people – yes, close friends included – away.

Yup, crazy thought of mine.

The first week of university started off alright, but that’s because the lectures contained the introductory content into the courses. Take Equity for an example: it was a brief introduction into its history and how it became what it is today. I know that not many of my readers are acquainted or even fans of history, so I shall spare you guys from the details.

It’s only Week 3 and the workload’s already messing with my head. I actually don’t mind the readings (or even the tutorial questions) at all… because it’s an opportunity for me to absorb more information and practice it without having the scores discounted from me. It’s just that I can’t handle doing thrice the work on a daily basis. The amount of work to be done for Equity and Criminal Law is pretty indescribable; it’s rather heavy, if you’re not cautious or even time conscious.

And I guess I’m one of those who works best after midnight. Once I start working on my assignments or academic-related matters, it goes on for at least three hours and that’ll mean sleeping at about 2 am. Weigh that with waking up at 7 am daily, it’s only a matter of time before I am drowning with health issues again – since homo sapiens are required to have a minimum of 6 hours of sleep nightly.

15 comments:

  1. Yes, you definitely need to take care of your sleeping needs - priority! Maybe you're putting more into your assignments this year? I think as you get better at something sometimes it takes more time - which doesn't seem to make sense right - but you put more effort in as you know what you can do?

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    1. I know, Yum List, I know, but I just can't help studying into the wee hours of the morning. ='( Well, I think I'm getting what you mean... it's like the better you are at something, you tend to spend more time refining it?

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  2. That is why I worry that my girl would want to pursue her studies further - she will be in this same situation, that's for sure. But of course, I would not stop her - whatever she wants, whatever is good for her. Gotta follow one's dreams...whatever it takes.

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    1. I heard it's tougher for those pursuing PhD because they have to bash out words for their research thesis, or at least that was what my Contracts tutor explained on the first day of classes. You may find this surprising, STP, but I'm having the intention of going for an MFA (once I'm done with all the legal requirements to practice law). ><

      Yup, we only have one shot in life to chase after our dreams...

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  3. I think different people have different ways of studying. I remember back then some of my college mates also like to study at the wee hours while I actually prefer to get a sleep.

    I am a light sleeper so I make sure myself to get a good sleep else I will be very cranky..Haha I don't need a coffee fix to keep myself awake because it didn't help much.

    While you are still young, do keep pursuing your dream. But remember health matters because you need to keep going in order to achieve your goals. Best of luck, Ciana. Take care.

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    1. That's true, Yee Ling. I fancy studying into the wee hours of the morning because of the silence/serenity it offers me whereas my good friend prefers to study in the morning as she feels she's able to absorb more after a good night's sleep.

      I think I'll have to try drinking green tea in the morning. It's a healthier substitute for coffee - and I've not had it on a frequent basis.

      Thanks, Yee Ling. =) I'll try to remember that - since the high-achieving side of me tends to sneak out at unsuspecting moments. >_<

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  4. I suspect I might actually enjoy some of your classes, because I actually love reading about history.

    Well, all I can say is: Hang in there!

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    1. Whoa, you sure about that, CL? Learning about the legal history is different from learning about the history of the world (i.e. the influence of the French and American Revolutions). =O

      I mean, sure, there are similarities in certain aspects, such as how the 1688 Glorious Revolution was the emphasis for the American Bill of Rights (but not the Aussie one; Australia doesn't have a Bill of Rights).

      I better stop writing - or I'm going to end up spilling my knowledge attained from World History here. =/

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  5. I'm like you too, my body clock is superbly messed up. I get more active as the night goes on, by 9 pm I'm wide awake and even more so by 2 am, which is my peak performance time before I slowly become tired around 4 am again. It's very bad since mornings are hell for me and I don't get enough sleep.

    Don't worry to much about the workload, try and do your best and if you really can't make it, unis always have a catch-up mechanism. Try talking to your lecturer and see what happens, maybe you can do something else e.g. write a paper for extra credit.

    Worse case scenario, you can apply for Special Consideration which is usually a bare minimum pass.

    Take care!

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    1. Thanks for the advice, HB! I didn't have much choice with my study time way back when. I had noisy neighbors throughout my college life that the only peaceful time I have for studies is after midnight... and it sort of stuck after that.

      I'm not too worried; it's just that I'm not the type who fancies group presentations - as you never know what evil deeds the team member is capable of doing. (It's happened to me once, and I'm sighing over the fact that I didn't swap tutes to join my friend for that particular course.)

      I haven't checked with my university's academic department if I can apply for the Special Consideration, though. I'll be candor on one thing: I'm never contended with a bare minimum pass; I'm always trying to get at least a high Pass or, if possible, a high credit. It tends to make things easier when I want to apply for a part-time job or volunteer opportunity. *cringes*

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    2. I'm a firm believer in Special Consideration. :)

      I used it for my last semester too, I wouldn't have passed otherwise. You might not get a minimum pass, that's just if you didn't put in any work (like I did for a couple of subjects) but for the ones which you did, you'll actually get 1 or more jumps above what you *should* get e.g. I was supposed to get Credit but to my surprise got a Distinction. They'll factor everything in so talk to someone if you need to about this.

      I should also add, and I'm not sure if this is good advice or not, but its true: No one looks at your scores when applying for work.

      I always thought they will, but they don't. They just see you have a degree and the interview process is a lot more important. Hope that comforts you somewhat...

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    3. I'll try to speak to my Criminal Law lecturer when it's nearer to SWOTVAC to see if it's possible then. Thanks for the advice once again, HB! =)

      I don't know, I was always under the assumption that the employers will look at the score (since everyone has the paper) among other factors. I guess I'll probably focus more on nailing the interview process then... =)

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  6. Guess my days of studying is over! Better get yourself some health tonics like Chicken Essence to boost your stamina. I remember my mom used to stock up for us. Take care dear! xoxo

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    1. Thanks for the advice, Shirley! <3 I think I'll need to take a swing to the sinseh for the health tonics when I'm back.

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