Let the tears flow...

Travel Wishes

Before I pen today’s post, remember the crying dream that I had about a Goldie sometime in March? Now that I’m reflecting on it, the online interpretation makes an awful load of sense.

If you’ve been frequently reading this blog lately, you’ll know that I was swimming in a pot full of tremendous pressure as its contents for the entire semester - to the point where it threatened to take a toll on my emotional health. I’ve never mentioned about the event that transpired after the Thursday afternoon lecture to the group of trustworthy friends and I’m never going to speak a word of it to them either. It wouldn’t have made any difference - and it’s not as if they’ll be able to help me out.

I know that it carries a twinge of sting to it, but I’ve learned that some things are best left buried in the Aegean Sea.

Reading about the dream online connected the dots together. It was my subconscious sending my favorite breed, which is the Goldie, to comfort me in the dream (hey, Bruno!) The serenity it brought along made me so relaxed that it hinted heavily at one of the weekends I spent in One Tree Hill, Mt. Eden, where I played Frisbee with a … you guessed it, a Goldie.

So, there we go.



It’s almost 9 pm Adelaide time - yet I’m still awake, nursing a mug of warm cocoa on this awfully chilly night when I should be in bed. I should be refueling my body's sleep bank for tomorrow's 9 am lecture on Creative Writing and the 11 am tutorial for Politics awaits me after that. It’s evident that my academic workload has increased this semester (and it’s still manageable), but it doesn’t mean that the pressure has tapered down, either.

I’m in need for a travel break. You know, the one where we embark on a road trip into the country towns, experiencing the local culture and delving into the cuisines of the family-owned cafes. The unpolluted, refreshing air is our silent observer while we share memories with the right people. The car windows are rolled down with the music softly humming from the radio or CD player with its memory-evoking emotions. Throw in some food and wine on the way - and it’s all perfect…

Wait!

WAIT!

How am I going to make that a living reality when I’m car-less and license-less? *scratches head* I don’t intend to study for my driving test yet because I’m not fully sure where I’ll be: whether I’m heading back to KL, moving interstate to practice, or killing another two - three years’ worth of postgraduate degree in Creative Writing in Sydney. (Let’s assume that I manage to pass the test in KL. I’ll still need to take an additional paper here before I’m a full license holder.)

I wouldn’t even count the yearly flights home, lol.

Well, in that case, I’m stuck to waiting it out until I’m financially independent. Like I’ve mentioned years before, it never mattered if I’m traveling solo or with a group of friends to the familiar places.

It's that time of the year (again!)

With God's blessings, I've survived the intensity of 1st semester, but not unscathed. Everything seems to rub me off in the wrong way to the point where I'm losing patience. It'd be better if I date my books instead of inadvertently snapping and offending anyone who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, if you ask me. That way, any angst that I harbor will be directed to the poor textbook instead of battery to humans, if you ask me. I don't want to be held liable under Division 7, S 20 of Criminal Law Consolidation Act. If I remember correctly, it can't be argued that the offender didn't intend to commit assault on the victim.

I've caught wind that there's going to be a birthday surprise for me - and in all honesty, I'm unsure whether to be enthusiastic or frightened by it. Those closest to me are aware that I'm easily startled by surprises, especially when it is unexpected. I don't know where and when it'll be held because from what my sister said, it's being planned in secret and she wants to bring along the good friend to pick my birthday present. It's not that I don't trust their tastes; it's just the secrecy is leaving me positively anxious.



Credits to Ellen Tube for the image.



Credits to Ellen Tube for the image.

In short, a friendly hangout at the nearby coffeehouse (or the chocolate house) with a birthday cake and a couple of close friends would do the trick. It's similar to what Shaney hatched for Kyle's birthday in CPU. We sought the help of his close friend a couple of days before the big day to divert the birthday boy's attention and keep him from running off while we brought the birthday cake in. Let's just say that from his reaction when we entered, he suspected that something was amiss from the atmosphere. The only picture that I had of him slicing the cake was so blurry that I eventually destroyed it when I graduated from college.

That's pretty much my reaction when my own birthday rolled around, too. The aura in the Student Lounge was unusually weird. My gang of friends won't disappear together into thin air - and my calls to two of them went to voicemail, which raised alarm bells. I sensed that there was something more to it than meets the eye when another acquaintance insisted that I follow her to her usual hangout to pack her lunch, but I chose to play dumb, lol. I was in heels because of the class presentation and was rather unwilling to walk more than necessary - because that pair hurts! The part that made me raise my eyebrows internally was when Abhi came over and said that Kyle was looking for me. (In actual fact, we've each other's number and knowing him, he usually doesn't ask for me unless he needs my help on something.)

It'd be tough for my sister to repeat this because she'll need the assistance of someone who's cunningly convincing to disprove my suspicions, but I'll give her the credit if she's able to execute it without my knowledge.

My apologies for heading off on a tangent, lol. It's just that those were the best times of my college studies - way before circumstances blew it apart.



One of the songs that I'm currently hooked to: "Wings" by Birdy.

Now that 2nd semester has rolled around, it only means one thing: it's time to swim in the contents of the pressure cooker. After having learnt my lessons from the unexpected adventures and unnecessary stress last semester, I've decided to stay true to the study plan. It'd be horrendous if history was to repeat itself. Not only do I've to face the possibility of running into that person, it'll be for the fourth time in 18 months, mind you! If you've been frequently reading, you'll probably have an idea on his identity and the course in question. It won't be him who'll gawk at me with horror in lectures. It'll be me going out of my way to avoid the awkward encounters with him instead.

(On a side note, I want to rationalize that it is a case of coincidences, but certain aspects of it hint at Fate's invisible stroke - because, technically, it was my sister who chose that Constitutional Law timeslot, not me. I personally would prefer if there was a seminar offered on Mondays because it was less hectic. As for him, I'm sure he would've picked a more suitable time instead if the ones offered didn't clash with the lectures.)

Not to mention, if I swap courses again, I don't want to break the news to my good friend that I forgo the opportunity of being in the same course as him because I wanted to fill my penultimate year with electives. I'll tell you why; the poor chap was a little worried when I passed him the movie ticket in an envelope (to avoid prying eyes - you never know how furious the campus grapevine can be) and warned him not to fear about its contents. He later explained that he thought it was a farewell letter, elaborating that I'm doing a credit transfer to another university interstate. Dude, trust me, I'd have done it if I could. *sighs*

(It still surprises me that he remembered what he told me about the courses last October, though. Can I count that as a promise with valuable consideration?)

So, no, I'll be the obedient student this time around. *winks*

While I was aware of the impact that the chosen courses would bring to the academic workload, I didn't stop to think twice about its effects on my academic timetable. It's definitely not as hectic as last semester - where I didn't have any rest day. I'm much more relieved this semester that I've more free time to focus on the independent study and some other matters (read: hiding in a cave to take the time out since I'm susceptible to exploding nowadays), although I've 5 hours of back-to-back lectures to tackle weekly. Since I've endured it before as a freshman in CPU daily with the help of caffeine and 100 Plus, I should be alright without relying on stimulants to keep me awake now - but you'll never know.



Another song that I'm hooked to: "If I Needed You" by Joey and Rory

I've scheduled some posts - especially the pieces of short stories - to be published during my moments of absence. If you don't see me around the blogosphere, I'm probably beating the assignments until either it has turned blue or my hands are exhausted. I'll still reply to comments and hop over to read blogs, but it won't be as frequent.

We'll see what this semester brings. If you hear me yelling with non-curse words, I'm cringing at the fact (of something).

Short Story: A Blend of Independence with Weakness (Part 4)

“You have to come,” the voice on the other end of call urged.
    Jerry dropped everything that he had in that moment and rushed straight to the hospital, almost securing himself a date with the traffic police en-route. That night, when Shelby revealed her medical condition, was a game-changer in their friendship. If they were good friends back then, they were now closer. He became someone who resembled a brother figure in her life, taking charge whenever her parents couldn’t fly interstate to take care of her.
    “Thank you,” she said once on their way from Sunday Mass. “And I can’t possibly thank you enough, Jerry.”
    “What did I do?”
    “You’ve been there for me since the beginning. What’s honorable is that you’re willing to sacrifice your weekends and most of your free time into being … my caregiver.” It felt weird, even as she said it. “Plus, you could’ve used those time into finding a resident for your heart.”
    He couldn’t help but smile. Even in the state that she was in, she still found the enthusiasm to crack a joke and plant a grin on his face. “My dear, I’m on a break from relationships. I haven’t found the courage to invest in a brand new love where the return is of an unknown value. We both know that it’s exhausting and I don’t think I can balance a relationship with my career since the latter is flourishing.” He patted her lower thigh with his left hand. “I’ve made a promise that I’d be there for you as a good friend. It only make sense that I’m here at a time when you’re most vulnerable.”
    “I like your financial inference there.” Shelby laughed out loud. “But still, I really appreciate it.”
    “What do you expect? I’m in the financial line of things. I’m bound to associate finance with things in circumstances. It’s the same as the barrister in you throwing legal jokes that people out of the field can’t decipher.”
    She sighed with a mock defeat. “That’s true. You’ve a point there.”

“When can she be discharged, doctor?” Mrs. Winters - Shelby’s mother - couldn’t help but pose the question. She was in the general floor of the hospital ward with the attending physician, trying to understand the health complications that landed her daughter in the hospital when she was in remission all along.
    “Mrs. Winters,” the attending physician spoke. “I don’t intend to discharge Shelby until I’m confident that her condition is much better.” He flipped through the medical reports - including the one that Shelby gave to Jerry on that night - on hand. “As it is, I don’t want to risk Shelby suffering from another cardiac arrest. Her heart wouldn’t be able to take the trauma. I need to ensure that her red blood cells are at a stable level first.”
    He looked up at Mrs. Winters with a softened expression. “I’m afraid that you might have to make final preparations for Shelby in the event that she can’t win this battle. I’m sorry, Mrs. Winters.”
    “It’s alright.” She nodded. “Thanks, doctor.”
    As she watched the attending physician returning to his duty, she resisted the urge to break down in tears at the prospect of losing her daughter at such a young age. She could weep her eyes out, but she knew that Shelby couldn't have the perfect bill of health. Ever since Mrs. Winters delivered her daughter, there was always the undeniable fear that Fate would cruelly strike their family and snatch Shelby from them one day.
    She sighed, knowing that her worst fear was coming true. All parents would want their children to be healthy and happy in their chosen paths in life and didn't want to bury them - no matter the circumstances. Satisfied that she looked alright on her compact makeup mirror, she adjusted her attire and entered the hospital ward.

Mrs. Winters’ words knocked Jerry with such force that he had to sit on the row of chairs to regain his breath. He couldn’t believe what he heard. Although he was thankful that she shared Shelby’s innermost thoughts and fears about him, he remembered thinking that Shelby was insane when she wanted time to dictate her course of life instead. He understood that she was tired of undergoing painful treatments without a guaranteed recovery, but she should’ve discussed it with him before arriving at such a decision if he was such an important person to her. It would affect their lives - including hers - in the long run and he didn’t know how to cope without her presence in his life. She was approaching the Door of Death yet placed his well-being ahead of hers.
    Seeing that there was nothing he could do now to change her mind, he forced himself to enter the word and spend quiet moments with her. He gingerly turned the chair to face Shelby and sat on it, admiring her in her natural state. Although she was skinnier due to the loss of appetite, she still looked drop-dead gorgeous.
    “I know why you did what you did now, but it still hurts, you know?” He took Shelby’s hand in his own, brought it to his cheek. “Knowing that we could have it all, but you didn’t want to take the plunge.”
    A stray tear flowed down from his eye. “Don’t you know that it’ll only make me more miserable? If you had given us a chance, it’d have been the happiest moment of my life. Yes, it may’ve been a short lived one, but at least it’s still something. The sweetest memories will peacefully send you on your eternal journey and be a source of inspiration for me to continue living with you.”
    “You should’ve exhausted all avenues of treatment options before throwing in the towel. I know you don’t want me to see you at your weakest, but friends are supposed to be there for each other in all circumstances - good or bad.”

The brightest morning is still to come

The title is from the song lyrics of "We Are All Running" by The Once (video attached below).

Listening to this song again after his demise is leaving a sour note in my throat, not because it’s a sad song. It’s because the relaxing mood of the song always reminds me of his optimism and willpower. Although circumstances were never kind to him, he never allowed it to be an obstacle to his enjoyment of life and worked harder than the rest of us. When we whinged that we're exhausted and needed a break, he pushed through and fought on.

*sigh*

On the bright side, I’m relieved that his road of suffering has finally ended and he has sought the long-deserving peace.



My friend,
Be the angel that you longed to be.
With the wings that you now have,
Fly,
Fly away from the pain.
Embrace the freedom that you've fought hard for.

My friend,
There's so much that I wanted to say.
The lump in my throat,
It's preventing me from speaking.
We were never close,
Yet your departure still affects me.

A Young Malaysian Adik with Powerhouse Vocals

The best part is that Adinda's only 11!

History Raps

Note: if you're sensitive to expletives/colorful languages, please, please don't watch the videos.

Psst, heard of Prussia? =P



Come to think of it, I'm not sure whether my History score would've been much better if I had stumbled across Epic Rap Battles of History's videos in college. We learned about the characters depicted in both videos and how they contributed to mostly Russian history.



The battle between Romney and Obama is my favorite so far - and it definitely assisted me to understand some elements from Public Law.