Thursday, September 8, 2016

Peace will come when one of us puts down the gun

The title is from the song lyrics of "Battlefield" by Lea Michele - and attached is the video for it.

After allowing my mind to stew for a couple of days, I’m not sure what to expect anymore. I don’t know, I’ve arrived at the stage where I’m contradicting myself. On one hand, I’m more than comfortable locking myself in the unit whenever I don’t have lectures or tutorials. At least I can be a disheveled suburbian girl who doesn’t need to care how she looks for the day. That doesn’t mean that I don’t place any effort in my attires, man. What I mean is that I can leave my hair in a mess state and change from one pair of pajamas to another. On the other hand, I need to breathe the fresh air and socialize with the slippery souls. At the rate that we are going, it feels like we’re catching each other’s shadows instead of the actual persons.

Now that we’ve officially reached the halfway mark of the semester, I’ll have to admit that while learning about the decisions countries make for their foreign policies is interesting, it’s nudging me to enroll in the quasi-law, quasi-politics elective that the Property Law lecturer is offering for next semester (especially since the course is about the influence of politics on the law or vice versa, I can’t specifically remember).

Six more weeks before crunch time - and I’m sure time will fly past me in the blink of an eye. Before I’m even aware of it, it’s revision time, hinting at the deadline of the final assignments due for my electives. Not too far away is the strangling Administrative Law exam. *sighs*

But who knows?

No, I'm not using alcohol to cope with the stress. To do so would be the dumbest decision of mine. 

SWOTVAC and summer break, in itself, could bring different thoughts altogether. I might freeze all forms of communications during SWOTVAC to focus on the assignments and exam revision (yes, thank God, there’s only one exam to deal with this time around). Maybe I’ll use the summer break to connect with myself on a deeper level. It feels like I’ve abandoned a part of myself somewhere in the process of running after the elusive grades. If the plans are successful, I’ll be challenged mentally and physically by the prospective doubling of stress. The only positive side of it is that it will take my mind off things and keep me on the go most of the time.

Okay, we’ve arrived at the substance of the topic.

I know, I left the readers on a weird cliffhanger in the previous post (to the point where I made it sound like I’m a sacrificial lamb). No mortal is a saint, and there’s always that speck of imperfection or sin in all of us. With that in mind, I’ll pick up on where I left off and elaborate myself.

It’s more for the innocent player that my worries lie on. As he’s someone whom I’ve grown to appreciate and accept as an awesome friend, I’ll definitely step in and try to contain the burning fire. The matter is between me and the person; it shouldn’t require the involvement of other parties in the process. I could care less about this person’s conduct towards me because I’ve arrived at the stage where I honestly don’t care. In fact, if the situation isn't changing for the better, I won't take offence and will play the same cards as him instead.

Humans are just that complicated to understand, pfft.

It's just that I'm praying that he wouldn’t leave the innocent player feeling like the latter’s been snubbed.

[The term ‘innocent player’ refers to someone whose interest will be affected by the consequences of the game and, yet, is not considered a party to it.]

I wonder if I should take up photography as a favorite hobby again.

What’s making me suspicious is the fact that I dreamt that I obtained this person’s timetable (through legal means, don’t worry) for the entire academic year through someone else a while back. I'm honestly not sure what its relevance is to the current matter is. I've to throw caution to the wind about this interpretation because I don't know what to take from it - and it's scary enough that I dreamt of Kyle glaring at me before our papers in college. One of the dreams that I had last year recently came true, so yeah. There's a chance that this timetable exam could be a living reality and, if that happens, I'll verbally strangle someone. *shakes head*

Also, if it’s an advance warning to her suspicions, then I’m speechless. A part of me is hoping that her suspicions are founded on probable grounds, and not on reasonable grounds. If it is proven, you can already imagine me with saucer eyes and gaping at the stark coincidence of it all. If sneaky Fate additionally intervenes to complicate an awkward situation, it’s more than pure coincidence that history is repeating itself. Don’t ask me what I’ll do, though. It is something that I’ll only deal with if and when it happens.

It’s too soon to worry about it, especially since I’ve enough on my plate to crack the brain wide open.

Plus, I highly doubt that we’d be that lucky to land in the same tutorial without advance planning. It’s just impossible . . . (or maybe it is, this is, like, the second time I’m in the same class as an acquaintance - and we didn’t discuss about it beforehand.)


  1. you're wiser than me - i sometimes use alcohol to cope with stress. sometimes it helps, sometimes it leaves me with a tinge of regret. everything only in moderation, i guess :) take care.

    1. Too much alcohol is bad for the liver, Sean. That's why I tend to reserve alcohol for special occasions/celebrations (after learning the hard way and becoming tipsy twice in front of my parents). Yup, everything in moderation. =)

  2. Wow, half way already, the semester is flying past. Yes, to you taking up photography again - that's a lovely shot - and wise lady to avoid alcohol for stress. Get outside in some fresh air, get out of your apartment - even though I understand how tempting it is to just stay in and change from one set of pyjamas to another. :-)

    1. Yup, come December, I officially have two more years before I'm a fresh yet confused law graduate, Yum List. Thank you for the compliment about the picture. =) I'm trying to, but it's really tempting to stay indoors and embrace the warmth from the heater. Speaking of which, a couple of friends are fighting tooth and nail to drag my soul out for travel and food too. ><

  3. Too much alcohol is not good, but a glass is ok I suppose... GO to sleep early, let the mind rest, tomorrow will be better.

    1. An occasional glass should be alright, I reckon, Hayley. =) That's the thing; I can't head off to bed at, say, 9 or 10 pm. It's always after 11 pm that I'm able to catch up on my sleep. I think I might take the spring break off and hide somewhere to let the mind have a long rest.


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