Sunday, July 13, 2014

Figurative Headache

Come to think of it, I don't know what is going on now. Just as when I thought I am sure on what I want, I am forced to rethink it again with a different set of consequences and effects.

I was earlier shoved down the route of Path A towards the middle of my junior semester before the bone-chilling Taiwan trip because everyone thought that it was the best choice for the entire family as there were more pros than cons. Let's face it; the climate may not be harsh as Path B and the flight distance is considerably nearer, thus making visits and vacations an ease for both. The Carries, if they wanted to, are able to fly there to spend Christmas and New Year's with me and Lord knows how much Mama Carrie is capable of buying.

The bad side is that I've relations scattered all around and it's more important for me to divert all the time/energy into a BA in Communications that will most probably allow me to obtain an MFA in Film Production and Creative Writing from UBC, Vancouver.

No wonder my heart was nudging me towards Media Arts in lieu of Economics.

A prior knowledge in that subject would definitely prove advantageous for the Communications degree.

If I consider it for the long haul, hell yeah, the pros are siding more towards Path B. Education in the Northern Hemisphere is of higher standards; in fact, it provided the syllabus for both my high school and matriculation. A major plus point is that I'd be free as a bird as none of the relatives are there to hover around me like an authoritarian, but unlike Path A, where I don't have much of an obstacle, the catch in Path B is that I've to rot at home for slightly more than a year (I don't have the luxury to do so anymore; age is catching up =P) and tackle the freezing and severe winter..

(The deepened eye bags are for exaggeration purposes on Photoshop; an intense year at CPU had its effects, but it didn't leave me with the permanent ones)

Enough of the rants. At least I still have until the end of September to report with a final decision. Hopefully, I'll be able to think in a more lucid manner after some neutral exposure and advices.

It's time to seek the guidance from the acquaintance.

I know I'm supposed to pull in more hours of adequate rest and sleep to allow the body to recuperate from the injuries inflicted by the three toughie subjects, not aggravating the deprivation and waddling in a cloud of worries and confusion.

Two consecutive nights of intermittent slumber was all it took to disturb my fragile mental psyche and for a split second, I wondered if I'm on the path to clinical depression because I don't recognize the reflective image of me in the mirror. It feels like I've lost myself and metamorphosed into a different individual. Truth be told, it could have evolved at better time, not when I have to content with the impending departure of a certain someone (it's affecting me as much as it is to him) and resolve the dilemma between Path A and Path B concurrently.

I don't want to be rediscovering my identity in the revolving society in this state of mind.

On the bright side, the amount of time - though limited - does allow me an outlet to concentrate on the flaring interests such as the visual arts and photography. It's finite because in addition to pursuing the hobbies, I have a ton of affairs to handle all together, especially juxtaposed plans for life and work.

Don't be surprised; I always have been juggling a part-time job with studies. It's just that I am toying with the idea of being in a different line.

(Shoot, I shouldn't be listening to Friends Forever by Vitamin C while penning this post! The candlelight memories from my CPU graduation are resurfacing like the water vapor, making my brother and I emotionally disturbed then and now.)

I almost shocked the life out of Mama Carrie when she discovered me one evening, sitting on the cemented floor of our porch and angling the camera at the clover flowering in the pot. Before I enrolled in Media Arts, photography was a far-fetched thing for me. It'd always be Mama Carrie with the eye for the camera (about 75% of the contents of the Australian album was contributed by her).

I definitely would love to explore more with the writing pieces, just not when my muse is stuck in the stream of brain cells or even during the hectic university life. I attempted to continue from where I left off with a novel draft (some friends are aware of this piece) and ended up staring at the computer screen until my eyes screamed for some respite.

There we go.

The heart does feel much better after airing it out. On the contrary, I should head to the kitchen and down loads of green tea (since it's reported to lower depression-like symptoms?).

*points to the image below*


  1. Take care. Rest and good nutrition are ever so important.

    1. Thanks, Yum List. =) That's why Mama Carrie is keeping me grounded at home, nudging me to sleep earlier than usual and shoving me to eat more. She knows that if I don't have enough rest or nutrition, I'll collapse again. =O

      That's one reason why I'm keeping the flow of the posts to a minimum. I've realized that if the brain is not well rested, I can't write.

  2. I wish you well in your decision making!

    Whether it be Path A or Path B that you finally decide on, go with your heart. Do something you like *and* also at a place you like, I'm sure you can find a way to fulfill both criteria. Good luck!

    1. Thanks a lot, Huai Bin! =)

      I'm not thinking too much about it because I've given myself until August to filter things through before actually deciding whether I'm for Path A or Path B. It kind of stinks when the mind wants Path B and the heart wants Path A. O.o

  3. Sounds real stressful, but I'm sure it'll turned out well. Take care, sweetie!

    1. Either way, it was really stressful balancing the intensity of the subjects, Shirley. After mercilessly spamming my bestie's Whatsapp, however, I'm much better and clear-minded about my decision. =)

      Thanks, and take care too! ^^


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