Sunday, June 17, 2018

06/17/18

With all of the assignments and exam now officially done and dusted, it is a relief to take a proper breather and sleep. For hours on end. Or at least until I feel refreshed enough to yank myself out of bed. I don’t know; having a dream about someone whom I’ve lost contact with was enough to throw me off-balance. Furthermore, I dreamt that I lost my teeth and yelled at someone in two separate scenes. I know it shouts a theme of fear and anger. Oh, trust me, when I am angry, I AM ANGRY but it turns inwards and consumes me from the inside. The beauty is that you would never see it on my face.

Although people under my astrological sign are known to be an extroverted person with a bubbly personality, don’t let that appearance fool you. Like the rest of our astrological brothers and sisters, we also have our dark side, which are harder and tougher to decipher. I can only speak for myself on this point because I don’t know if my friends (who are of the same sign) will behave in this manner. Somehow you’ll know when I’m unhappy - it’s like I’m walking under a grey cloud wherever I go or a faded glimmer in my eyes. As for anger, I force it not to leak out into my face because I don’t want to answer questions about it, especially if it is posed by someone who caused me to burn with fury. (At the time of the drafting and publication of this post, I’m at a stage where I’m engulfed with annoyance at everyone around me for their unwillingness to help yet courage to comment about my decisions.)

Would the dream be a sign that my subconscious is finding a way to express its annoyance at the repressed emotions? I wouldn’t be surprised if it is. I mean, look. Just because people think that I am a confident child does not mean that I truly am. You could argue that it’s a facade that I wear in public to keep people at a distance. Even those closest to me don’t even know what my thoughts are.

7 comments:

  1. Good to hear that you have finished your exams! Treat yourself and have a good time off. Maybe spend time with good friends, eating nice food and going to some places you've never visited :)

    Your dream sounded very unpleasant, and I heard that if you dream of teeth that it is a bad sign - that you are powerless and feel out of control. I remember dreaming about teeth once myself and I woke up wishing that I didn't dream that dream at all.

    Looks can be deceiving. Some people are pretty good at putting on a mask and a front that says there is nothign wrong. I do like to do this, and I feel it is a way I can stay in control and not overreact. Not all of us want to talk about our feelings. For one, they are personal and the whole world doesn't need to know. It can be annoying when people comment on your decisions - it's one thing to judge, and another to suggest. A good listener can be hard to find.

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    1. The one and only! πŸ˜‚ I'm probably using the time off to catch up on some well-deserved sleep and recuperating from the academic stress.

      Based on what I can remember from the dream, it involves me being at the back of the car as a passenger. Reached out to touch my lower palette and the teeth fell out - just like that. I had a word with the coffee lady on campus and she suggested that it's due to anxiety. 😰

      I'd very much prefer to wear a mask than to let my true emotions show on my face, though. It's not just about control, but to avoid questions into how I am feeling.

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    2. That sounds like a bit of an odd dream. It could be related to anxiety because anxiety is a state that you often can't control and have to ride along with it. Answering questions about yourself can be so hard as the questions can be so personal up until they confuse us and what we feel and believe in. Staying in the background is easier for me because I don't put myself in the spotlight and get noticed lol.

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    3. I'd say it boiled down to exam anxiety, to be exact. My one and only exam was the first one to start the examination period. =/ This morning's dream was even weirder - and left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

      Nah, I just find it evasive that people would summon the courage to ask me personal questions. Oh my God, I'm like that too!! I prefer to stay in the background and let my work speak for itself. =)

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    4. I hope you did well in your exam and this semester round :) Some people are just naturally outspoken and maybe answering questions makes them feel more comfortable. That I will never understand.

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    5. I'll only know in a fortnight's time. I managed to find out the overall grade for one of my electives and instead of jumping for joy, I'm eerily calm about it. =O

      I guess it's just one of those things that we are born with it or not...

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    6. It sounds promising, like you have done well! Good luck with the others. Calm is always good, and calm sticks around for you :)

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