04/20/2018

Why my dreams are weirder nowadays, I’ve no idea.

The subconscious brought me straight to the middle of the scene, so here we go.

I dreamt that we were discussing how the course treated us while we dragged our feet out the door. We had initially agreed to share a place to offset the financial burden of paying rent since we were students doing similar degrees from the same batch. And we were away from home. We rushed out to get out to catch the bus in time for our Family Law tutorial, but I left my backpack in the house and had to return to grab it. After sending him off to the bus station, I ran home to get my bag and waited for the next available bus.

I was lucky in some ways that there were regular buses to campus from our place, but the schedule was screwed up for that day. When I arrived, that particular bus was just about to leave and I had to bang its window to stop the driver from driving off. The bus did not have many passengers (as always) when I boarded it. I took a seat in the middle and found myself facing an adult lady with shoulder-length black hair and in corporate wear.

I knew that there was little chance of me arriving on campus in time for class when we landed in the peak hour traffic. So, I messaged the housemate and informed him to keep an extra copy of his notes because I’ll get it off him instead.

In another scene, I dreamt that my sister and I were walking along the pier and breathing in the chilly air of the sea. We were heading towards the jetty when I noticed two of her friends and brought her attention to it. She said hello and I plastered a smile when our paths crossed with theirs, but they ignored us. It suited me fine because they don’t know who I am. She, on the other hand, found it odd with the change in behaviors, but I advised her to let it slide as there was no use in harping about it.

Now, I groaned to my sister about the content of the dream because we initially discussed a couple of times to share a place once we land ourselves with jobs in the same city - to offset the financial burden and maybe accompany each other, so to speak. For me to dream that I shared a place with him, and not her? It is odd. I mean, sure, it’d be fun if the three of us rented a house together but he and I, well, we never talked about it.

The part where we took Family Law was a tad bit shocking as well. He doesn’t exactly love the way that the course is structured, judging from what he mentioned about it. I was actually relieved that I had made the eleventh-hour decision last year to enroll in it (even though I had to delay the winter flight).

As for me knocking on the bus and boarding it, the online interpretation highlighted that I might also be at the stage where I’m going with the flow without the platform for me to stand out. That’s true. I’ve taken comfort in blending with the crowd rather than shining out with whatever talents or accomplishments that I have. In addition, there is an internal conflict between option A and option B. I’m not surprised; I personally would love to return to Subang after I’m done with my papers, give the graduation a miss, and find a legal job back home. But everyone around me (especially those two) wants me to remain in this state.

As for us walking at the pier, there are two meanings. First would be the desire of throwing the towel and hide from everyone whom I know until I’m more confident to deal with the crap around me. Everything has caved in and I’m silently drowning. Ask me how I am, and I’ll probably lie right through my teeth and convince you that I’m tired, but still surviving. The second, I’ll chalk it up to sister’s subconscious.