Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Reflectional Thoughts

#nowlistening to - Rimi Natsukawa - Shima Uta

Too many things have been juxtaposed in the form of university preparations hence the lack of posts lately. My God, the amount of stuffs that I need to do for the visa application is making my head spin. Those cousins are damn lucky to have gone off earlier than me for their studies in Melbourne and Sydney, pfft. >=/

Penning this post could be tough because it would be peppered with emotions - negative and positive, but more of the former - at every nook and cranny, but where there's a beginning, there has to be an end, right? It's been ten weeks since our matriculation journey has opened a new chapter in life; some of us have taken flight to places unexplored while the rest are weighing their options, unable to finalize a decision at the moment. In less than 6 months, however, it'll be my turn. My heart is steadfast on chasing the elusive paper in one of the Australian states and nope, it's not the ones abovementioned.

It's a place that, to be honest, I've never considered and contrary to the fact that constantly swims in mutual friends' eyes when they heard of it, I'm going there for no one but myself. (At least for once, I'm not bowing down to their orders. Why in the world were the relatives screaming for Sydney anyway?)

I don't know; after contemplations and reflections, matriculation life has taught me things that I thought I already knew beforehand. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it, especially when the scar left by the piercing sword is as fresh as the cake I'm currently eating. Then again, being at this age had its advantages: at a time when I was silently fuming, I created an achievable goal for myself and diverted my attention into fulfilling it. If it meant sacrificing friendships/acquaintanceship, so be it. They'll respect my decisions and accept it if they truly understood me - or as they have proclaimed under the melting sun.

After a tremendous amount of hard work and sleepless nights, I made it a living reality, yay! (I could see it in Mr. Layng's eyes that I was becoming the person that I'm capable of being.)

But it was around the same time that I realize that there were envious eyes (Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean that I am unaware of it. I chose to remain reticent because there's nothing I can do about it) that were probably jealous of my achievements, lol! And now, it's like I'm being slapped with flashbacks on my return trips to campus. Memories that were once shared have crumbled with the force of a wind velocity, leaving in its wake a path of burned ashes.

It may sound like I'm filling the cracks with silicon, but I've grown out of that stage. It's too painful to do so and I'm not suffocating myself anytime soon. (My English classmate loved the formalism lens whereas I'm leaning towards the psychological lens... and we now know why, finally.)

I don't want it to come to a point where they'll only remember me when I'm no longer with them. Plainly said, I want to avoid this situation from occurring again: in the middle of the funeral hall lays the coffin that holds my body. Next to me are the flower stands with condolences from my peers in the trade and in front of me are 5 rows of chairs on each side for mourners to weep. Attached to the casket is a framed black-and-white photograph of me. It is silent, save for the loud cries and nothing can be done to undo or repair any mistakes previously committed.

But it can't be avoided because I'm no longer the person that they knew as (someone's close friend). Circumstances have made an impact, changing not only me but a majority of my perspectives as well. I can't wait to begin the adventure and embrace the life of a university.

It'll be at least 4 years before I'll run into anyone on the streets... and that is if I'm fated to run into them again.


  1. Oh my I hear you about the amount of stuff you need to do in application for an Aussie visa. Hubby has been through it for years trying to get back to see my family. It's both costly and time consuming.

    1. To be honest, Yum List, I'm alright with the visitor visa application (partly because I hold the passport from one of the four participating countries for the ETA), but it's the student visa that's making my head spin in circles. I can already imagine loads of trips to the Aussie Embassy and the relevant departments in the city center. Not to mention, the amount of moolah I'll have to fork out... =/

  2. I really like your writing! I read it a couple of times to try and get what you're trying to say (and I like to think of myself as way above average in comprehension skills) - it's just I always feel you have a deeper meaning to a phrase, or a snippet of words than what the first glance suggest, it's like a tickle beneath the scalp, a subconscious one - keep on writing!

    Good on you to do your student visa yourself - it's the experience that counts for a lot, it made me learn how the process works and I applied for a student work visa (20 hours per week) when I was in Australia myself. A lot of people use 3rd party companies that helps you to do all the hard work in return for payment so they don't know how the process actually works.

    I remember filling in the visa, lots of interesting questions and the med checks I had to go through.

    All the best in Australia, I promise you it'll be the best 4 years of your life and the things that bothers you now would seem small when you're there and enjoying the life down under!

    1. Thanks for the compliment, Huai Bin. =) I guess I express myself better in descriptive language, but yeah, it's definitely a God-given talent.

      I could ask the Placement Centre to assist me with the visa application thus saving me the headache; there are, however, some details that it's best for me to attend to... like the Police Certificate of Good Conduct and the payment of the application fee. I've not actually submitted an online application just yet (pending the COE), but reading the process was good enough for me to have a rough idea.

      I hope so too; I can't wait to begin the adventure and learn from my mistakes/regrets. =D

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks, suituapui. =) I hope everything goes according to plan. =D

  4. the next few years of university are going to be an adventure that will change you a lot more, i figure ... i remember my pre- and post-university feelings too. and whatever hurt you might feel right now will be a distant memory by the time you're done :)

    1. I'm ready to embrace the impending changes, Sean, and somehow, a part of me knows that I'll emerge from university a different person than I am now. ^^

      I guess the hurt will spur me to become a better person, perhaps? =)

  5. All the best to you in facing the next chapter of yr life. Enjoy yr youth n freedom n explore yr horizon with wealth of knowledge.. It shall be an exciting journey!

    1. Thanks, WB. =)

      I hope I'll be able to enjoy it while balancing with the studies, though. I fear that I'll forget to experience life after gaining the wealth of knowledge. =.="


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