Thursday, March 20, 2014

Regrets won't bring you back to me

Shamelessly taken from my Facebook timeline:

Amidst the serenity of midnight and exhaustion of my optic nerve and brain, the bittersweet memories of me and mi amigo surfaced like the invisible smoke, leaving me a little emotionally off hence the inspiration for the poem.

You told me once.
The layers of your soul,
It was stripped the way an apple was peeled.
Looking at the mirror,
You don't recognize yourself anymore.
A disheartened person, all wrinkled up.
The smile on her face has turned downwards.
Shooting out from her eyes is a saddened heart.
It no longer contains the spark of life.
You said, it's not you at all.

Swimming in my memories is a story of another.
Your laughter lingers like the smell of honey.
The husky texture of your voice
And your seemingly perfect choice of words.
Drawn on your face is eternal happiness.
Your eyes radiate with an energized soul.
The frown, well, it is curved upwards,
Pulling the corners of your eyes along.
Coating you is elegance of a beauty queen
And friendliness of mi perro.

Staring at you from afar,
I wonder what made the 180 change.
You are still you.
You carry the same name and physique,
But why do I feel like I've lost you?
Dancing in your eyes is the emotional hesitance of a betrayal.
Something you'd rather remain reticent on.
Painted in it is a depressed being,
Someone nudged down the dark, lonely journey;
Someone exhausted of facing the earthly trials and hurt.

Mi amigo y mi amor,
Lo mucho siento.
Please forgive me for what I have done.
My actions sliced our friendship and love into half, beyond the point of no return.
I made you unwillingly walk away from me
With silent tears in your eyes
And deep hurt in your heart.
There's not one day that I don't regret it.
But it's too late;
It's too late to rewind the tape.
Our life is the live footage of drama.

It's something I've permanently lost for life. No amount of pleading and apologies is going to repair the damage done to my friendship with him. He's moved on and a part of me has gone with the wind to places unexplored like a vagabond.

2 comments:

  1. hope this heaviness will be lifted from your heart soon. losing people happens to each of us, and the pain can cut deep, especially in our younger years, when all emotions feel amplified. i lost people in my teens and in my twenties too, but the consolation (maybe?) is that as the months and years go by, the hurt really does go away. whoever this person is, by the time you're in your thirties, he/she and everything you went through will be a distant memory, and you really won't care any more about what happened. other people will have replaced him/her. i hope that helps a bit...

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    Replies
    1. I can understand where you are coming from, Sean. Thanks for the encouragement and comfort, though. =) I've tried convincing myself that the hurt will dissipate as the time passes by but no matter how hard I force myself, I am reminded of that person's presence by even the slightest thing (one example are the songs, "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Rod Stewart and "Take On Me" by A-Ha).

      The reason why I'm facing with this is probably because he's the first person that I learned to trust with my hopes and dreams. I know that he has since moved on, but the funny thing is that I'm still harboring the hope that he will be willing to speak to me again hence "My actions sliced our friendship and love into half, beyond the point of no return." (Charlotte 4.4) =)

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