Monday, November 24, 2014

Let the rain wash away the tainted soul...

After the complications that left me burning in worry and fear, the first and second stages are now completed, leaving the third and final one to be settled the moment I receive confirmation from a pending document.

“你越把希望其托给别人,你自己就摔得越重” - 宁夏
A wave of anxiety is washing over me, knowing that time is slipping away from my fingers. It didn't help that I was watching Episode 51 of The Wife's Secret, in which Cao Cao (草草) was sending Bai He (百合) off at the airport and they were hugging each other in farewell while concurrently texting my friend on WhatsApp, discussing about our immediate plans in university. Some friends would want to make the aforementioned prospect a living reality, but the truth of the matter is I don't know if I'd want them to actually be there, especially with what has been spiraling. The truth is far darker than I know. Bah, the Lord will guide me on the right path again and ensure that there won't be a repeat of history. I have informed no one of my confirmed flight dates because it's better this way; we can avoid red, puffy eyes and cherish the happier memories when we basked in caffeine-infused laughter.

The beauty of pursuing an undergraduate abroad is that it means the chances of running into familiar faces are drastically minimized, if not eliminated.

And speaking of which, I played my cards too fast once and ended up being burnt more than ever before. Yup, if you are able to peel back the layers of the mask, you'll notice it. The bestie raised pointers that I never once considered possible, especially those markers that both left me confused and bad. That chap, I swear, has no idea that he has baffled especially me multiple times that I gave up wanting to know at all. I was spinning in circles as I attempted to debunk the puzzling behavior.

At least I understand with further clarity that the outcomes were nothing but a load of mind-boggling actions that resulted in close friendships being reduced to mere acquaintanceships, yikes! Yet, people commented that we resembled more like siblings than friends. O.o

Plus, it's about time that I ignore those hushed whispers that I enroll in that university to be closer to someone (which is a total lie, and if by any chance you guys are reading this, yes, I already suspected as much when you asked me those questions) or because I couldn't gain an admission into the BA program in Carleton or Simon Fraser. First of all, SFU doesn't offer the major that I'm eyeing for and secondly, Ottawa is a freezing place (even my Media Arts lecturer was apprehensive that I, a lass who has never experienced or seen snow, would actually be able to cope without misery). I'm not willing to gamble with my degree; it's unfair to my parents financially.

The reason why I chose Australia, especially Adelaide, is because it allowed me to complete the degree in a faster manner, thus saving the Carries on tuition fees and accommodation. Renting an unfurnished residence in the suburbs is as equivalent to staying in the city.

That's why you shouldn't jump to conclusion without asking the person - and that depends if she wants to reveal her reasons, alright?

I miss the memories associated with this simple dish, haha.
Soon, it'll be nothing but broken pieces of unaccomplished goals.


  1. it's a scary and nerve-wracking time indeed for you, a lot of uncertainty ahead. i remember how i felt before i left home for my undergraduate studies too. but i do feel optimistic that as time goes by, you'll become comfortable and confident with your decisions. p.s. i like adelaide. it's not as buzzy as other cities, but i appreciate that about it :) take care :)

    1. It definitely is, Sean, but it's not so bad because Mama Carrie will be there for a while to oversee things and I've a matriculation acquaintance in the same university as well. I have the confidence that once I busy myself with academic and non-academic activities, I'll be able to be the person who I was born to be.

      I'm waiting to see if Adelaide's similar to Perth, but I think I'll survive there as I don't fancy the city life (after spending so many years in KL).

  2. Stay positive and enjoy the cheesecake..hahah

    1. Will try to stay positive, Yee Ling. =) As for the cheesecake, it's already been gobbled up, haha. *winks*


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