Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Am I someone whom I no longer recognize?

Sitting here staring straight at the blinking cursor on the blank Microsoft Word page, thinking of what to pen for the next article (it's based on nature) for The Student Voice, I am suddenly catching myself wondering how I became the person that I am today. I like to think that it is maturity that is the cause behind the change, but as much as I am denying it, there is more to it than meets the eye.

There are times when I don't recognize the reflection I see in the mirror. What I see in the mirror image is someone who has stayed strong for so long that she has forgotten how to cry. A part of her wants to break down and allow the emotions to flow out of her fractured heart, but the other is being pressured to plaster a smile and laugh like there's no worry in the world.

It is so not me, I swear.

Credits to Funstatic for the image

But then again, those who've known me since childhood will tell you that I have never listened to rap or heavy metal songs during the younger days. Something however happened on Wednesday that changed everything. Don't ask me; I wouldn't be able to reply because I myself do not have the answer. If you were at the Lounge, you'd have seen me swinging my head at the flick of a switch to the beat of Eminem and Avenged Sevenfold that Husky and Shane played and the look that Husky gave me.

He was shocked beyond speechlessness.

I can't remember who it was but it was on one morning that someone casually asked Bearie and me if we were intending to contest for the Student Council next semester. We gave each other a glance before responding with a firm "no".

Don't be mistaken.

It's not that we don't want to be part of the Council, but it's just that the intensity of our subjects next semester is already threatening to murder us alive.

See, Bearie's taking Calculus and Chemistry. I'm taking Law and English and our mutual subject in Media Arts. Not to mention, I'll be a senior member in the Performing Arts Council and resuming my role as a journalist in the Yearbook.

Where will I be able to find the extra time to dedicate to the Student Council then? I'll be pushing myself further than I am willing to endure.

You may wonder, why am I abruptly writing about this?

Well, the reason is simple.

Shaney's pleas are still ringing in my ears as I compose this post. Therefore, I know I need to use the semester break to at least recover the bubbly and cheery person in me if I don't want her to be worried of me as well. Like I've said before, I'd rather see my loved ones being themselves, laughing and carefree even if it means burying the negative emotions and keeping it to myself.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not trying to be a martyr here and will never be.

Until my next post, I'm out of here to enjoy the soothing music while trying to catch the proper sleep that has evaded me for so long now.


  1. Replies
    1. Am definitely swinging my head to the heavy metal songs (such as A7X) and enjoying the beat, Hayley. XP

  2. It's comforting to hear that it's not only me that has those thoughts. Sometimes I think I think too much.

    1. Oh, Yum List?

      I also thought that I'm the only one having such a thought and came to the conclusion that I was probably thinking too much myself... until recently when my best friend experienced something tragic.

  3. Music relaxes me too. Hope it helps you as much. Take care, dear!

    1. Thanks, Shirley. Take care too!

      The thing is that the type of songs that can make me relaxed are the same ones that can leave me emotionally unbalanced....

  4. Replies
    1. I can't, even if I wanted to, Kylie.

      Am busy preparing for my year-end vacation and settling the co-curricular activities at the same time. In fact, I feel like I might have bitten off more than I can chew with my schedule....


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